Watching
by Anne Bensler
Summary: November 2012. Someone is watching detective Olivia Benson. Who is it and what does he want? - Will be EO later on, rating is now M.
1. Chapter 1

1.

New York, November 2012

He was watching her.

He had been watching her for a few days now.

A few times he had wondered if she was on to him but so far, he was pretty sure she had not spotted him.

He watched her come in for work from across the street. He admired her powerful stride. She had the walk of a cop yet she remained utterly feminine. She was fierce. Determined. Strong. She was Detective Olivia Benson.

...

She was on a case and jumped into the car with her partner. He was several years younger than she was and he guessed they guy was Latino. He had spotted him before with his binoculars and had seen a wedding ring. She was partnered with a married man again.

He followed their car from a distance, making sure they did not notice him. They were trained cops so he had to blend in with the rest of the busy traffic. He wanted to see where they were going. They weren't using their sirens this time so maybe he would succeed today. Last time, he had lost them almost right away, unable to follow them without being noticed. This time they were not in such a hurry. Their victim was probably already dead.

The crime scene was in Central Park. Again. He remembered seeing so many crime scenes in that park, he was surprised people were still going in to have a nice day out. Olivia was striding alongside her partner, ducking while passing the crime scene tape that had already been put into place. CSU was busy collecting evidence and the two detectives spoke with several people on the scene. He could not make out the victim from where he was standing and he knew he wasn't supposed to. Civilians were being kept at a distance. After a while, he saw her walking back to the car. She was on the phone with someone and tossed the car keys to her partner while getting into the car on the passenger side.

He also made his way back to his car but they were too far ahead. He should not have stared at her for so long. He guessed they were going back to the precinct but he decided not to follow her back there. He grabbed a bite to eat and went home for a few hours. He had rented an apartment across the street from her and he would wait for her to come home.

...

His view was partially blocked by the high trees in West 89th street but he considered this an advantage. She would not notice him. And now, in November, the trees had shed most of their leaves, giving him a better view.

She did not close the living room curtains early. Sometimes she would not close them at all. He would see her turn off the lights in the living room before going into the bedroom. She always closed the bedroom curtains though. Right after checking that the window was closed properly and before undressing for the night. Sometimes he would wake up to find she was already off again. She would get called in the middle of the night about a case and she would always go. Why wouldn't she? She was alone. She could do whatever she wanted, whenever she wanted.

He saw her walking back to her building early in the morning. He took out his binoculars. She looked tired. She smiled at the paper boy. That smile. She was beautiful. She went inside and his mind started to wander while he waited for the lights to go on in her living room. It was still dark on this chilly November morning. The lights did not go on and he guessed she had just walked straight into her bedroom to catch up on some sleep.

He felt uneasy, watching her like this from a distance. He wanted to get closer but he needed to have an idea of what her life was like first. Did she go out? Did she date? That weekend, he did not see her at all. He couldn't tell if she had simply stayed in all weekend or if she wasn't even home. Heck, he needed to sleep too, he could not stay up to watch every move she made. He was beginning to feel like a stalker already, the way he was going. He should make a move soon. But he still did not know enough about her weekends. For all he knew she spent them elsewhere with a boyfriend. He needed to know before he could move ahead.

So he continued to watch.

Her.

Detective Olivia Benson.

...

 **This is my second story in this community. Please let me know what you think of this. Should I continue?**


	2. Chapter 2

**OK, it's nice to see some interest in this new little story. So who is watching Olivia? It it a good guy or a bad guy? What do you think?**

2.

Another weekend was beginning.

He had decided to watch more carefully this time, beginning on Friday evening. He was parked across the street from the 1-6, in an inconspicuous rental car. He knew she was still in, probably still working on a case. He had seen her partner leave earlier. He had a wife to get home to, and he guessed a few kids as well. He had not checked out the partner. He was married so he knew she would keep her distance. Just like she had before. Her partner would not be part of her weekends.

It was late. He was beginning to think she was going to spend the night at the station. Then she emerged. He gasped. She had changed into a stunning black evening gown that spilled down to her ankles. A side split revealed part of a long leg and the high heels she was wearing only accentuated the length of her legs. Her black woollen coat reached her hips. It was hanging open, revealing the low cut V-neck to him before she pulled the coat around her. She seemed to shiver a bit in the cool November breeze and hurried over to a black car that must have been waiting for her. He could not see the driver. As she got into the car, he started his engine to follow them.

It wasn't a long drive and they ended up in the East Village. He passed them, pulled over half a block away and watched her get out of the car in his rear view mirror. The car drove off immediately and she started walking in the same direction. He ducked a little in his car when she passed it but she did not notice him. He did not want to start his engine while she was within hearing range and waited until she had turned right into a side street. He drove past the side street slowly and managed to catch a glimpse of her entering a bar with a man. He guessed the man had been waiting outside for her.

The street was too narrow to allow parking and he drove on for another block. After parking the car, he slowly walked back, wondering what he should do. He wanted to know who she was with but he couldn't very well go peeking inside. She would see him, he was sure of it. She was trained to always be alert and be aware of her surroundings, even while she was on a date. Maybe especially when she was on a date. But he wanted to see her. Especially when she was on a date. His heart started beating a little faster as he approached the bar. He had never been there before and glanced inside while walking past it. He was also trained to take in his surroundings and just the quick glance told him there was a quite large bar in the centre, with stools on all sides, and there were private booths along the walls of the room. He quickly decided to go in and find a seat in one of the private booths. He wasn't sure where she was but the lights were dimmed in the bar and he expected to be able to sit down before she would notice him.

It worked. As he entered the bar, his eyes scanned the room and he saw her with the man at the far end of the bar. Her back was turned to him. He quickly found an empty booth and scooted in, his back turned to where they were. He took out his phone and pretended to check his messages while switching on his front camera. He used the camera to peek around his seat. He could not resist pressing the record button and waited a few seconds before putting his phone down in front of him on the table. A waitress came over and he ordered some tea. Then he played back his recording.

She was smiling at the man and they looked like they were having fun together. He could hear her laughing now and it sent a chill down his spine. He could not see the man very well in his recording. He was tall and he had dark hair and a dark beard. That was about it. He was also dressed formally and he guessed they were meeting up here to go elsewhere later on. She had taken her coat off and he could now see that her dress was sleeveless. She looked absolutely stunning.  
The waitress brought his tea over and he drank it slowly, resisting the urge to look behind him. He could hear her voice every now and then. They sure laughed a lot.

He was nursing his second cup of tea when they suddenly passed his booth together and headed out the door. He got up as casually as he could, leaving some money on the table. He didn't follow them outside immediately. He waited to see in which direction they were walking. He watched them turn left and walk away, arm in arm. He left the bar and also turned left, walking slowly to increase the distance between him and the couple some more. He heard the man laugh out loud and his laugh echoed in the street.

He didn't like him already.

Because he was with her.

Detective Olivia Benson.

...


	3. Chapter 3

3.

They had walked for a while when he saw them entering The Standard, a 21 storey hotel. He guessed they were going up to a party in the penthouse on the top floor. There was no way he could go up there so he would have to abort his mission for now. He passed the building and continued walking. He turned left twice and found his way back to the car. He took a deep breath and headed back home.

...

She had not returned to her apartment. He still could not get a fix on her weekends. It was beginning to annoy him. He had been watching for over a week. He was getting tired of it. He wanted to get closer but he still did not know enough about her social life. Was the man with the beard her boyfriend? He had not seen him around her apartment. He had not seen him at all before last night. Since she didn't come home to her place, she must have gone with the man to his place. Or maybe they had stayed at The Standard.

He rubbed his eyes and folded his arms across his broad chest, while still staring at her apartment. He sighed. It was time to run some errands. He did not expect her to come back any time soon.

...

She did not come home that Saturday. In fact, she did not come home all weekend and on Monday there still was no movement at all in her apartment. He was getting restless. Where was she? She had just carried a small purse Friday night so she hadn't gone on vacation. Was she alright? His only lead was the bar where she had met up with the man in the East Village. On Tuesday night he could not sit and wait any longer. He drove back to the East Village and went to the same bar. She wasn't there. Of course she wasn't. Why would she be at the same bar on a Tuesday?

The waitress recognized him.

'A cup of tea, sir?' she asked with a smile.

He nodded. 'You remembered?'

'Sure I remember. I don't get many orders for tea at this time of night. Are you sure you don't need anything stronger?'

He grinned at her. 'No thanks. Tea will be fine.'

He did not drink. He had sworn never to touch another drink again. He had been sober for a few months now and he was beginning to feel stronger again. More in control of himself. He still did not feel at home in the AA meetings but he did attend. While he was sipping his tea, his eyes kept surveying his surroundings. There was no sign of the beautiful detective.

He quickly scanned the faces of a group of four men entering the bar and suddenly his eyes went a little wider. One of them was the man she had been with. He looked down, pretending to check his phone, when the men passed his booth. They were speaking Spanish and seemed to be very pleased about something. They sat down at the bar and ordered some beers. They all had their phones in their hands and were showing each other what was on the screens. He could not see what they were looking at but he guessed they were exchanging pictures.

They stayed at the bar for quite a while and he was on his third cup of tea when the men got up from the bar stools. Two of them had to use the bathroom before leaving and he decided he would go in too. He was just another visitor at the bar and he had just had three cups of tea so it only made sense that he would have to go at some point.

The two men were still busy with their phones, even in the bathroom, and one of them told the other "mia favorita". He was showing his friend a picture of a young girl and he managed to glance at it. He quickly looked away when he saw what kind of picture it was. The little girl couldn't be much older than 8 and she was completely naked. She was straddling a huge teddy bear and smiling at the camera. He felt sick inside. These guys were into kiddie porn.

As disgusted as he was, he left the bathroom quickly after the men had left, and followed them from a distance as they left the bar. They were obviously too busy and too noisy to notice him. While he followed them for quite a while, he was beginning to put things together. If these men were into child pornography, perhaps that had been the reason she had hooked up with one of them. And if so, he should stay out of her way. But what if she didn't know? What if it was the other way around and the men were using the detective to make sure they weren't on to them?

There was no way of knowing the situation. He knew that.

Still, he worried.

About her.

Detective Olivia Benson.

...

 **Well, we still don't know who the mystery man is. From now on, the chapters will be longer. Reviews are always welcomed!**


	4. Chapter 4

4.

The men left the main streets and made their way through some alleys. Finally, they entered the backyard of an old house on the corner of the street. He waited until they had entered the house and had closed the door behind them. He stayed low while going into the backyard and up to one of the windows of the house. He peeked inside and saw a few people walking in and out of the kitchen. He made his way around the house to the front and peeked in again. He stopped breathing for an instance when he saw her. She was sitting on a sofa in the living room with a man and another woman. He ducked when two other men came into the room. When he peeked in again he saw her flirting with one of the men. The other woman, a young blonde, was doing the same. They were both in short skirts and made sure the men noticed. This had to be an undercover operation. By now, he certainly was hoping it was. Why else would she behave like that?

Both women got up and it looked like they were getting ready to leave. The men pleaded with them to stay but they seemed adamant. The man with the beard pulled her into a hug and she hugged him back and smiled. The blonde had retrieved their coats and they headed for the front door. He hurried around the corner to the side of the house, so they would not see him lurking there. When he heard their high heels clicking in the streets and the front door closing, he carefully made his way to the street as well and started strolling along on the other side of the street.

A few blocks down, the women said goodnight to each other and each continued in a different direction. He followed _her_ , of course. She arrived at an apartment building and she used a key card to get in. Once she was inside, he quickly accelerated his step and managed to catch the door before it closed again. He slipped in and waited, listening for footsteps. He heard no high heels clicking and looked at the elevator. The numbers above the elevator doors indicated it was stopping on the 5th floor. There was no point in following her up. Once he would get up to her floor she would be in one of the apartments and there was no way to find out which one. And it wasn't like he was going to knock on her door. At least now he knew where she was staying. It _had_ to be an undercover operation.

After making a note in his phone of the address of the building and of the house he had found her at, he walked all the way back to his car. He drove it back to the street of her building and settled in for the night. He set an alarm on his phone for 7 am. That should be early enough.

...

He was yearning for a cup of coffee but he was afraid to leave the car. His wanted to stretch after an entire night in the seat of his car but he could only manage flexing his shoulders and the muscles in his neck a little. Then she came out of the building. It was a little past 9.30 am. She was dressed casually now, in jeans and a white hooded sweater and she was carrying a grocery bag. He waited and after a while she returned with some groceries. An hour later, the bearded man arrived. He sat up in his car. That guy again. When he came back out, she was with him. She was wearing a more formal outfit now, a nice dark blue suit with a skirt just below the knee. She was wearing matching blue high-heeled pumps. Where was he taking her now?

...

They drove for a while and ended up at a restaurant near the Brooklyn Brigde. The place wasn't very busy yet and he did not feel comfortable going in. When more guests were starting to arrive for a brunch, he finally scurried inside behind a group of older people and found a small table near a dividing wall in the room. He spotted them quickly and saw they were already finishing up their meal. Her back was turned to him but he could see the man clearly now. He did not seem pleased and they looked like they were arguing. She stood up and the man quickly followed suit. He grabbed her arm and continued talking with her in a low voice. Then he pushed her towards the restrooms, along the dividing wall where he was sitting.

He slowly sat up and followed their movements with his eyes. When they disappeared from his view he got up and strolled towards the spacious restroom area. He saw the man push her up against a wall. She was clearly uncomfortable and was pleading with the man. His gut told him she was in trouble but he couldn't interfere with an undercover operation. If that was what it was. She was squirming to get free and this actually confirmed to him that she was undercover. If not, she would have had the man on the ground by now. Still, he could not just let this happen. They did not notice him watching from a distance and the man put his hand under her blazer and over her breast. She pushed him away with more force now and the man gasped. Then he was on her again, trying to pull her blouse open.

Before the man realized what was happening, a strong hand gripped his wrist and pulled him away from the woman. The bearded man was stunned. The man who had stepped in looked at the bearded man and then at the woman and asked her:

'What is going on here?'

He saw a multitude of emotions flitting across her face before she said with a steady voice:

'Who are you?'

Their eyes locked briefly. He understood.

'Just a concerned citizen, ma'am. Are you alright?'

The man stopped resisting his grip on his wrist and he let go of him.

Olivia said: 'The gentleman seems to be a little confused about the terms of our arrangement.' Her eyes were fixed on the man now.

'If you can't agree on the terms, find another woman to accompany you,' he said roughly, also keeping his eyes fixed on the man.

The man looked at the two determined people in front of him. His voice sounded less confident than he had intended when he said, 'I want _this_ woman.'

He looked at her briefly, smiled, then told the man: 'I don't blame you man. But she said no.'

The man seemed to realize he was in over his head. The concerned citizen had a lot of muscle and he did not want to get punched in the face. So he decided to admit his defeat and retreat.

'Then you can pay the bill,' he muttered before rushing past him and bolting out the door.

...

He turned around to face her but avoided looking directly at her.

'You were under?' he asked.

'Yes.'

'I didn't want to blow your cover.'

'You didn't.'

'But I couldn't let him grope you, either. Or worse.'

She glanced at him and asked him 'What are you doing here?'

He did not know what to say. He turned around and said he would pick up her tab. She followed him to the table where she had been sitting with the man.

'Stop!' she said and he turned around to face her again. He finally looked at her. She was as confused as he was. No, more so.

'Sit down,' she said and he nodded. They both sat down and just looked at each other. He had made sure that the man was nowhere to be seen and he knew she had done the same.

...

She had been caught completely off guard.

She had been immersed in this paedophile ring for almost a week now now as an escort, together with Rollins. The men needed women on their arms to mask their real sexual preference. The man who had hired her was clearly into adults as well and was getting a bit touchy, but she could handle him. Besides, Fin was usually somewhere in the background, listening in through her wire. They were about to sweep up the entire gang and she had not seen any harm in having brunch one last time with her date. Alone.

And then _he_ had stepped in.

Of all people.

Him.

Her partner of 12 years.

Former detective Elliot Stabler.

...


	5. Chapter 5

**Well, how many of you were surprised that it is indeed Elliot watching Olivia? Let me know if this is still interesting or not!**

5.

She was waiting for his answer. What was he doing here? She found it quite impossible that he just happened to be there. She was still getting over the shock of seeing him again, after more than 18 months of complete radio silence between them. She felt queasy but made sure he did not notice that. He was the one who had left so he owed her an explanation. No need to let him know how simply freaked out she was about seeing him again.

He didn't know where to begin. He couldn't very well tell her that he had been following her for almost two weeks, could he? She would ask him why and he did not know how to answer that question either. He had tried to find out more about what her life was like now. He had not wanted to intrude. She did not need to know he was back if there was no room for him in her life anymore.

He needed to tell her _something_. So he told her 'I was away for a while, I was kinda screwed up. I recently moved back to New York and was hoping to see you.'

She was listening. This still did not explain how he had ended up at the exact same restaurant where she was today, and he knew it. So he continued.

'I wasn't sure if you would appreciate it if I just showed up so I um ... well, I tried to get a read on how you were doing first.'

'Elliot Stabler, have you been following me?!'

Her eyes were wide and practically on fire now. She was pissed off.

Actually, she was feeling a lot more than just pissed off. But anger could mask pretty much every other emotion, and she had every right to be angry if he had indeed been following her around. Her head was spinning and on top of that, her heart was jumping for joy. She had missed him so much that it hurt physically. There was nothing rational about the rush she had felt when she saw his face again so unexpectedly. His bright blue eyes, his masculine jawline, his broad shoulders, his cocky smile when he had cornered her client. All of him, finally filling the void again that he had left in her life, like a missing piece that was suddenly found again to complete a puzzle. To complete her. On top of that, she had immediately noticed the absence of his ring. But she wasn't going to tell him all that! No way. He had some explaining to do first.

He hesitated. He had not been prepared to talk to her. Not yet. He wanted to explain to her where he had been and why he hadn't contacted her but they were both in shock right now. And in public. It seemed like she was holding up just fine and he admired her restraint. He wasn't holding up very well himself but managed to say something anyway.

'Liv ... I don't know what to say to you right now. Can we ... can we get out of here? This isn't the place ...'

'You're damn right this isn't the place, Elliot Stabler,' she shot back, keeping her voice down but not hiding her anger. 'So what are you doing here? Have you been stalking me?!'

He was at a loss for words. Before he could think of anything to say, she got up abruptly and walked away. He got up to follow her but she put up one hand while heading for the exit. He knew she was saying he shouldn't follow her. He walked over to the cash register to pay both their bills and saw her hailing a cab outside before he was finished. He took a deep breath and walked outside as well, back to his car. This was not what he had wanted to happen. Not at all.

...

Olivia's heart was racing. She had been caught completely off guard. She was grateful that her training had kicked in immediately and, much to her own surprise, that she had relied completely on Elliot's ability to understand her with only a few words. She had returned to her temporary apartment and had changed into her normal work attire. She had to take a few deep breaths to steady herself before returning to the precinct.

Her cover had remained in tact and the operation had not been jeopardized. In fact, after her date had returned to the house, the entire gang had been arrested. She was back at the station and was trying to get some paperwork done while the arrested paedophiles were waiting for their lawyers to show up. But she could not concentrate. Frustrated, she tossed her pen on the desk with a little too much force and it flew across her desk onto the floor.

John Munch picked it up and looked at her attentively.

'Liv, are you alright?' he asked her, handing her the pen.

She leaned back in her chair and sighed.

'Yeah, I'm just tired I guess. It's been quite a week and I think I will need to shower three times a day for a while to get all that smut off me.'

Captain Cragen walked in and heard the last part of what she was saying.

'I think we can all use a shower. Why don't you go home Liv. You too Rollins,' he added, turning around to the blonde detective. 'Take the rest of the day off.'

Both women started to say something but their captain put up both hands and said firmly: 'That's an order. Go!'

They knew objecting would be pointless and they got up to leave. Liv really wanted to get back to her own apartment but would have to get a few things from her temporary place first. Now was as good a time as any, and she headed out.

...

Elliot was back in his apartment on West 89th street. He was pacing in the living room, occasionally glancing across the street at her apartment. He did not know when she would be back. He had not blown her cover and he did not know how long she would have to remain under. This was not going according to plan. Well, he hadn't had a real plan yet, but if he had, this would not have been it. He was frustrated. She had walked out and he had no idea how she felt. About the situation and about him. But she now knew he was back.

He had to think of a way to get in touch with her again without angering her - again. But she would have to return to her own apartment first. He couldn't show his face in the East Village again while she was still undercover. So he went back to his old routine. Watching. Until she would be back.

Much to his surprise, he saw the lights were on in her apartment that evening. He could see her walking around, putting her things away. Had the operation ended or had they aborted it? He was beginning to think maybe he had messed it up after all. _Stupid, stupid, stupid!_ he thought to himself. He should never have gotten that close. How could he face her again?

After a while and idea began to form in his mind. A smile played on his lips as he thought about it some more. He sat down to work out the details right away and since she was back at her place, he would be able to start the next day. He knew he was taking a chance and she might not appreciate it at all, but he had to try. He had to do _something_.

...

 **What could he be up to? Please leave a review! I am still working out this story line so let me know if I should continue.**


	6. Chapter 6

6.

Olivia had not slept well. She was glad to be back in her own apartment and her own bed but she still had not recovered from the shock of seeing Elliot again. Where had he come from? Had he really been following her around? And if so, _why_? And the bigger question resurfaced: why had he left her without a word in the first place? Despite her confusion about both why's, she could not deny the fact that she was also very happy to know that she obviously still meant something to him.

She found herself humming along with a song on the radio while driving to work early that Thursday morning. She smiled when she realized why she was feeling happier than she had been in a long time. She wondered if Elliot was going to show himself again soon. She had no intention of letting him know how happy she was just to see him again though. He deserved to suffer a little bit after what he had put her through. She looked around as she parked the car but there was no sign of him. She shook her head when she acknowledged the slight disappointment she felt. That man ... he still had the same effect on her as ever.

...

When she returned in the evening she stopped abruptly when she saw something at the door of her apartment. It was a long, single red rose in a glass vase. She knew who it was from. She smiled and took the rose inside. She walked over to the window and looked outside, hoping to catch a glimpse. She smelled the rose and smiled again.

He watched her from his apartment and smiled as well. She had found the rose and had accepted it.

...

Another day at work. She tried to concentrate on her partner. He was going on about one of their cases and how they should work the suspect to get a confession, but her thoughts kept drifting. Nick noticed and asked her point blank: 'Something bothering you Liv?'  
She looked at him, a bit startled.

'No, why?'

'Well, you don't seem exactly focused to me,' Nick said.

'I'm sorry Nick. Please continue.'

Nick shook his head. 'No offense Liv, but I'd rather go at this guy with Rollins. Your heart isn't in it today.'

He couldn't know how right he was. Her heart was elsewhere and it amazed her. How easily had Elliot slipped back into her thoughts and her dreams. Wasn't she supposed to be mad at him? Hadn't he hurt her the way no man had ever hurt her? She was and he had. And yet, she was relieved. Relieved to find she still had a place in his life. Relieved that he was alright and not dead. Yes, she had even feared he was dead when he didn't contact her again. That had been so unlike him. But as much as she tried to be angry and tried to hate him, her heart just would not agree. She was feeling almost the opposite of what she thought she was supposed to feel.

She thought about the beautiful red rose that she had set on a side table in her apartment. It felt like a peace offering. Elliot's old phone number had been disconnected ages ago. She did not know how to contact him herself. She had decided that she shouldn't be the one to initiate further contact anyway. Still, she hoped she would hear from him again soon. She expected a fight. They had always been so good at fighting. Fighting was intense and that is what they had always been. Intense. And she missed that intenseness. So much. Too much. They would fight - but they would always reconnect.

She sighed and tried to turn her attention back to work. Nick had already left for the interrogation room with Rollins and she looked around. No one else seemed to notice how distracted she had been. She opened one of her other case files, trusting Nick to handle the one they had discussed earlier.

...

Several days passed and Olivia didn't hear from Elliot. She tried not to be too disappointed. She had gotten used to surviving without him, and just knowing he had not forgotten about her made it a little easier this time. She spent a lazy weekend at home and hoped she would be fore focused on the job that Monday. She managed to get a full day in without any complaints from Nick or Cragen and finally went home around 6.30 pm.

Out of the blue, there was another rose, dangling in a small plastic bag from her doorknob. This time, there was a small card attached, reading _'I'm sorry'_. Olivia took it and placed the rose in the vase with the first one. She felt a warm glow in her chest. Elliot was coming back to her. She walked over to the window again. She knew she would not see him in the street but she looked anyway. She took a deep breath and shook her head. When did she become such a sap? She was Badass Benson, wasn't she?

...

Elliot watched her. Again. He smiled as he studied her face. She was thinking about him. He was sure of it. Her face was soft. Softer than he had expected it to be. He wasn't surprised that she had gotten angry with him at the restaurant. He had expected her anger and he did not mind it. He _was_ afraid to see her pain. There was some pain in her eyes but there was more than just pain. He felt a pang in his chest. Was it possible that she was actually happy to see him again? He was beginning to hope. He looked at his next note, that he would attach to the next rose and felt a lump forming in his throat.  
It read _'I miss you'_.

...


	7. Chapter 7

**Well, I understand everyone wants Elliot to just go ahead and face Olivia, but can you blame him for feeling insecure? They have a few steps to go through first ... I am putting this chapter up a little quicker than I had intended so you will hopefully understand why Elliot is still holding back a bit. I'm not very far ahead in writing this story, so the next updates may take some more time. (I do know where I'm headed with this though ...) Stay tuned!**

7.

Elliot had been out to find some kind of employment and had managed to find a day job as a security guard. He had done alright on his pension but he needed to do something. He wasn't the type to just go on a never ending vacation. And even if he had been, who would he go with now?

He had been busy with the new job and he had not delivered his third rose yet. It was his first day off and he was nervous. She was home this Saturday and he wasn't sure how he could deliver the rose without being seen. She had found the first two in the evening but he decided to deliver the rose when he saw her leave the building early in the afternoon. She was probably going to run an errand and he had to be quick. The only downside was that she would know he was nearby. But he didn't want to risk waiting too long. She might be staying in all evening and not find the rose until the next day.

Now that the first shock of being face to face with her again had worn off, he was actually having fun. He knew that Olivia would never admit it but she really liked it when someone paid attention to her feminine side. Usually, men were a little intimidated by her strength and her attitude but he knew all too well that she was very much a woman underneath it all. They had connected on so many levels during the twelve years they had been partners and this was the only side of her that he had not been able to connect to - no, had not been _allowed_ to connect to. But things were different now. He was a free man, albeit not entirely by choice.

He shook his head, attempting to clear the image from his head that was resurfacing. He did not want to think about _that_ anymore. He wanted to move forward. No more looking back at things he could not fix. He looked down the street and he didn't see her. He had to act now...

...

Olivia was enjoying her day off. She had actually slept well that night and she felt good. She had decided to go clothes shopping on her own. She didn't want company, she just wanted to relax and be alone with her thoughts. She didn't mind the chipper ladies in the stores that were all too eager to help her try on various outfits. They didn't know her and wouldn't ask her what was on her mind. She took her time and was carrying a lot more bags than she had expected once she made her way back home. Her heart skipped a beat when she saw another rose at the door. She dropped a few bags so she could unlock the door and pick up the rose as she walked in. She set the rest of her bags down on the couch. Then she read the note. _'I miss you'_.

She felt tears welling in her eyes. She took a deep breath and went back to the door to retrieve the bags she had left there. Then she put the rose in the vase with the other two. She walked over to the window again and looked outside at the people in the street, her arms crossed tightly in front of her. She missed him too. So much! She was fighting back her tears while scanning the people down on the street. Where could he be? She sighed again and turned back to the bags containing her new purchases.

...

She looked so sad and a lonely tear trickled down his cheek. She missed him too. He wanted to reach out to her but there was so much that had to be said first. He did not want to rush her. He needed to let her know that he cared about her and that he respected her. He had not wanted to simply barge back into her life and possibly disrupt her new-found rhythm. That is why he had watched her first.  
But he _had_ disrupted her life when he stepped in to get that guy off her. And now he had to fix it. He saw her rummaging about in her apartment and wished he could read her mind. But she was too far away. He looked at the notes he had left. Which note would he attach to the next rose? He rubbed his face with both hands and reluctantly moved away from the window.

...

Olivia was feeling restless and did not want to stay in all day long that Sunday. She had found herself crying softly in bed the night before. She thought she had cried over Elliot enough but the tears were back. Her crying wasn't as desperate as it had been before, because Elliot was clearly reaching out to her again. It was different now but still very painful. Her chest hurt, physically as well as emotionally. After a long, hot shower and a light breakfast, she decided she would go for a run. About a year earlier someone had recommended running to her as a stress reliever and it had actually helped. An improved condition was a welcome side-effect. She was beginning to feel that she was getting older and she needed to stay in shape if she wanted to continue chasing perps for a few more years. After putting on her running gear, tying her hair back in a pony tail and plugging in her earphones, she headed out.

...

Elliot saw her jogging down the street and couldn't help staring for a while. She was what, 43 now? She was still in great shape. He had stared at her many, many times while they were still working together. He knew she had noticed. And she had stared at him as well. They had had a silent pact, never to bring these things up. But the attraction had been there for years and from his side, this had not changed. From her side, he didn't know now. She was still too far away.

He flipped through the channels on his TV but couldn't find anything interesting. There was an ad for beer on and he quickly changed the channel again. He still craved for a beer every now and then but he had sworn never to touch alcohol again. It had destroyed so much for him and he was only just beginning to pick up the pieces. He hardly remembered anything of _that night_ , after he had stumbled into the bar near his house, his former home. Nothing could have prepared him for what he had come home to that day and all he wanted to do was run. He wanted to run away from there. And he wanted to run to her - to Olivia. The only one who understood what he had just gone through, watching Jenna die in his arms. A young girl, dying at his hands. A few drinks should have given him the courage to go. But a few drinks turned into a lot more, while he tried to get that _new_ image out of his head. It kept haunting him and he had kept on drinking until there was only nothingness.

Waking up in an alley, robbed of everything except his clothes, should have sobered him up. But it had only gone downhill from there. When he was picked up by two beat cops, he was glad he didn't have his ID and phone on him anymore. No need for anyone at the NYPD know about this, no need for them to know who he was. They had dropped him off at a homeless shelter and had left him there to sleep it off and sort out his own mess.

He got up and tried to shake off the memories. Maybe he should go out for a walk as well. The weather was pretty nice for the time of year and he headed out. He walked in the opposite direction as Olivia, not wanting to bump into her unexpectedly. While he walked the streets of New York, he wondered which note he would put on the next rose. He wanted to talk to her but not until she was ready.

...

 **So, what do you think pushed Elliot over the edge? And how 'bout those roses? Any ideas about the next message? Please leave a review!**


	8. Chapter 8

8.

Nick was watching her from across their desks. She could feel his stare. She tried to ignore him but he knew her well enough by now to know there was something on her mind. But she did not want to tell him about Elliot. Not yet, anyway. Nick could be just as stubborn and hotheaded as her former partner. As much as she appreciated the fact that he was protective of her, she did not want to risk these two men getting in each other's faces. Still, she could not help smiling slightly at the thought of the two of them, and Nick noticed.

'Wow, I didn't think I would see that today!' he said.

She looked up. 'What do you mean?' she asked.

'Your smile. You were miles away Liv.'

She smiled again but she did not respond to his comment.

'Liv,' Nick tried again. 'Are you alright? You have been a little off ever since you and Rollins were undercover. Did something happen that you haven't told us?'

Olivia sighed and ran a hand through her long hair. Maybe it would be easiest to let Nick believe she was upset about something that happened during their undercover operation. So she told him about her final date with the bearded paedophile and that he had groped her. She left out seeing Elliot there and made a vague comment about being a little shaky afterwards.

Nick wasn't buying it. She could tell. He knew full well that she would have no trouble getting a groper off her and send him on his way. She could see him hesitate but she was relieved when it looked like he was going to drop it. He started to tell her she should include the groping in her report when Cragen called them both to head out to the apartment of a new rape victim. They grabbed their coats and left immediately.

As it turned out, the case kept them busy all day and all night, and by morning Olivia caught a few hours of sleep in the cribs before getting back to work.

...

Elliot remembered how things work at SVU. Still, he was a little disappointed that he had not seen her at all that evening and the next morning. He was getting ready to go back to work. He wondered if he should bring the fourth rose over now, before going off to work. She would not be getting home any time soon but if she went home early this afternoon, he did not want to run in to her. So he went over quickly. He hesitated after hanging the small plastic bag on her door knob, still not entirely sure he picked the right note.

...

It was late when Olivia finally got home on Tuesday night. She was dead on her feet. Talking to the rape victim had drained her physically as well as emotionally, as it so often did. She just wanted to shower and sleep. The captain had told her it would be alright to come in a bit later the next day and she was looking forward to sleeping in. She dragged herself upstairs to her apartment and paused for a moment when she saw that there was another rose. Her heart beat a little faster when she walked up to her door to pick up the beautiful red flower. There was a new note:

 _'Can we talk?'_

She flipped the note over automatically and saw he had scribbled his new cell phone number on the back. He had added in brackets: _Whenever you are ready_.

She went into her apartment, wondering when she would be ready to talk to Elliot. It had almost been two weeks since their unexpected encounter at the restaurant. They had not spoken yet but a lot had gone through her mind. She appreciated how careful Elliot was being in approaching her. She had time after each rose to deal with some of her feelings towards him and his departure. She had felt a lot of resentment against him when she didn't hear from him but now that he was back, and reaching out to her, she was beginning to believe he might actually have a plausible explanation for it all. And she had admitted to herself how much she missed him.

He had always been there, always had her back. He knew when to back off and when to push her a little to talk. She had never had a lot of real friends and she really missed that part of their partnership. Working with other detectives had not been the issue, once she got her head together again. And Nick was trying to be a friend to her as well. But with twelve years of history together, it wasn't easy for anyone to match up to what she had had with Elliot.

She wasn't the trusting kind. Trust was something that had to be earned. She would never assume she could trust someone and so far, everyone had indeed let her down. When she met David Haden, she thought she was ready to move on after Elliot left, and be happy. David had promised her he wasn't going anywhere. When their jobs created a conflict of interest, he left her anyway. She wasn't sure she was ready to trust Elliot again but she definitely missed what they had together.

She placed the rose in the vase. She had taken the first rose out because it had started wilting so there were still three. _I'm sorry. I miss you. Can we talk?  
_ She added his new phone number to the contacts in her phone but she wasn't ready to call him. Not yet. She walked over to the window to close the curtains. It was getting colder outside and she wanted to just huddle up in her apartment, to forget about the world for a while.

...

Elliot had seen her come home and close the curtains. He didn't know how she had taken his invitation to call him. He would keep his cell phone close at all times from now on. Whenever she was ready.

...


	9. Chapter 9

**So, will Olivia call Elliot?**

9.

Two days had passed and Elliot was beginning to wonder if Olivia wanted to talk to him at all. He was at work. He was happy to have somewhere to go to each day and it wasn't a difficult job. He was stationed in a large office building where he had to check everyone who came in and went out. Fortunately, that wasn't the only thing the guards had to do all day. They rotated regularly and he would go upstairs to check the floors where various businesses were housed. His co-workers had made him feel welcome and he was beginning to recognize more and more faces of the office personnel as well. It wasn't a flashy job but it took his mind off his worries. But on slow days like these, his mind wandered off. What if she had decided not to call him? What should he do? Call her? That would be going against his own message, saying they would talk whenever _she_ was ready.

It was a long day but a little after six pm it was finally over. He punched out and strolled across the street to the parking lot. He noticed a flower shop and got an idea. He would need to make a new note though.

...

Olivia was nervous. She was afraid to call Elliot but it was difficult not to think about it. It seemed Nick was volunteering to go out with Fin or Rollins on purpose, simply because he didn't want to work with such a distracted partner. She decided that it couldn't hurt to tell the Captain about Elliot's attempts to contact her. When most of her co-workers had left she knocked on Captain Cragen's door softly before entering his office.

'Yes Olivia?' the Captain said, looking up from his paperwork.

She wasn't sure how to start but she wanted to know if Elliot had been in touch with the Captain as well.

'Um ... can I talk to you for a sec?' she asked timidly.

'Of course. Please sit down,' the Captain said. He looked at her with a questioning look on his face.

Olivia sat down and placed her hands on her knees.

'Well, I was just wondering,' she finally said. 'Has Elliot been in touch with you recently?'

The Captain was genuinely surprised and Olivia fixed her gaze on her hands. Of course he hadn't.

'How did you know that?' she heard the Captain ask and her head shot up.

'He has?'

The Captain nodded. 'He asked me not to tell you just yet but since you asked ... But why _do_ you ask? Has he contacted you as well?'

She nodded slowly, not looking at her Captain directly.

'And?'

She let out a small sigh. 'I'm not sure what to do.'

Then she explained everything to the Captain, about the run in at the restaurant and the roses that seemed to keep coming. The Captain thought about all of this new information for a minute, and then told her she should just call him. Let him do the talking.

'Things haven't been easy for him but it's best you hear it from him. You should hear him out.'

The Captain obviously knew more but she knew he wouldn't tell her.

'He did ask about you a few weeks ago,' Captain Cragen added.

'What did you tell him?'

The older man hesitated and she thought she saw a little guilt in his eyes.

'Captain?' she urged, trying not to sound too worried.

Captain Cragen sighed and then admitted: 'I told him you had been seeing someone and that I wasn't sure where you were in that relationship now.'

He meant David Haden. She frowned. She had never talked about David with her Captain. As if reading her mind, he added:

'Nick gave me a heads up that I should let you know asap about Haden's new assignment as head of the integrity unit. It kinda confirmed to me what I already thought ...'

She was surprised at how many people had noticed her and David's relationship, while they had both thought nobody knew. But they had split up a while ago, yet this had gone unnoticed? She shook her head slightly and the Captain wondered what was on her mind.

'Liv?'

'I'm not in any relationship, Captain. No wonder Elliot is keeping his distance ...'

She looked up suddenly, realizing how that must sound but the Captain just smiled knowingly.

'So ...' she hesitated, 'you think I should call him?'

'Yes, by all means. It will do you both some good.'

...

When Olivia went home later that evening, her Captain's words still lingered in her mind. She had wanted to know whatever Cragen knew about Elliot and where he had been for so long but she hadn't asked. She should ask Elliot, that is all he would tell her. And now there was yet another rose. It was a white one this time. And a note. _'I will not leave again.'_

She swallowed hard. He knew her so well. She went into her apartment with the rose in one hand and her phone in the other. Now was as good a time as any. Right? She was a little nervous though.

...

He watched her as she walked in her living room and he was wondering if she was really holding her phone in her hand. She was. And she was calling someone. He nearly jumped out of his skin when his own phone rang. His heart beat violently in his chest when he picked it up.

'Hello?'

'Hi El, is that you?'

He let out a deep sigh and sat down on his couch to steady himself.

'Yeah ... yes, it is Liv. I'm so glad you called.'

'Cragen says I should let you talk, so talk,' she said simply. 'I'm listening.'

...

 **What will Elliot tell her? Please leave a review, constructive criticism is also welcomed!**


	10. Chapter 10

**This story is beginning to write itself, so I have another chapter for you! Please leave a review, it keeps me motivated to continue.**

10.

Elliot leaned back on the couch and took a deep breath. This was the moment of truth and he wanted to do this right. He knew what he needed to tell Olivia but he still didn't know where to start.

'Why don't you start at the beginning?' Olivia offered.

'Alright. The beginning. That would be the day I shot Jenna.'

Olivia sat down while she listened to his voice. She could tell it wasn't easy for him and she couldn't help but wonder what could be so horrible that it was so difficult to tell her about it.

He started telling her about that day, his last day at the precinct. She remembered it well. After the shooting, the Captain had arranged for a few quick simultaneous interviews with IAB before sending everyone home for the day. He did not want to keep everyone there for too long. He understood they needed to unwind and process the day's events with their loved ones. Olivia had stayed behind and had volunteered to inform sister Peg's family and co-workers that she had died in the shooting. He had gone home.

Elliot paused and Olivia could almost hear the wheels turning in his head.

'Go on El,' she encouraged him. She felt that something big might be coming next.

Elliot was trembling and wiped the sweat off his forehead. It was difficult for him to relive this day once again and he wasn't sure how much he would share with Olivia today. How much he _could_ share with her. He decided to skip to the end of the day.

'I went to a bar and really needed a drink to calm down a bit. One drink turned into a lot until I didn't even know where I was anymore. I don't remember how I got out of that bar but when I regained some sense of consciousness, I had been robbed and was hauled into a squad car.'

He took another deep breath and Olivia tried to process what he had told her so far while he composed himself somewhat. She knew he wasn't a heavy drinker and she found it difficult to believe that the shooting had pushed him that far. But he wasn't finished.

'Liv, I understand that it must have confused you when I never got in touch again.'

She nodded, even though he could not see that, and when she didn't say anything Elliot continued. He explained to her that he had continued drinking. In a rare moment of clarity he had put his papers in after getting a few things from his house. He had gotten a new ID and drivers' licence and a new phone but he didn't get a new place. The bottle was his home for quite a while and he wasn't sure where he had been the first few months. All he did was try and drown the images in his head that would keep him up at night in as much alcohol as he could get his hands on.

Olivia couldn't help but notice that he did not give any explanation about why he didn't go back home. Surely, his family would have gone after him and they would have gotten him help. Elliot continued and she listened, saving her questions for later.

The first time he had sobered up was at Mercy Hospital, after he had been stabbed by another drunk. They wanted to keep him overnight and helped him with his colossal hangover the next morning. He still would not admit that he had a problem until they asked him for something as simple as his address. He didn't have one. This had shaken him a bit and he had agreed to go to a shelter that offered some counselling. He had fallen pretty far and was ashamed. His shame had made him drink again and a while later he had found himself in hospital again. With alcohol poisoning. That was when he had agreed to get help and he was admitted to a clinic in Boston.

'Why Boston?' Olivia asked.

'I felt I needed to get away from New York. I just couldn't ... I couldn't face you or anyone else in the state I was in. I needed to get my head together somewhere where there wasn't anything to rip open old wounds. Aside from myself, of course,' he added, bitterly.

She sighed. She had to ask him about his family.

'Elliot, why didn't you go home? Kathy must have been worried sick.'

He laughed and the bitterness in his laugh shocked her. ' _She_ couldn't help me with this. She knows why I left.'

Olivia had the feeling she didn't know the full extent of things yet but she did understand his need to get his act together before coming back. Still, she wished she could have been there for him. She didn't know what to say to him and she told him as much.

'You don't have to say anything Liv. Just tell me you don't hate me.' He felt drained after reliving so much of the things he had tried to drink away and he just needed some reassurance.

He sounded so lost. Over the past two weeks Olivia had already admitted to herself that she had missed him much more than she had been angry with him. Now she wished they weren't on the phone so she could comfort him in person. But all she could do right now is tell him what he needed to hear.

'I don't hate you Elliot.'

'Thank you.'

There was an awkward silence for a while, until Olivia asked, 'Was that everything you wanted to tell me?'

He was holding back and he felt that she knew it. He rubbed his eyes with his free hand and hesitated.

'Isn't it enough for a first conversation?' he asked finally.

'I have a feeling you aren't telling me everything Elliot. I don't see you turning into a falling-down drunk and leaving your family over a shooting, however horrible it was. And also I ... I don't understand why you didn't talk to me.' she added softly.

'I ... I was going to Liv. I just needed a drink first and when that had gotten completely out of hand, I felt like there was no way back. I'm sorry ... I'm so sorry for shutting you out like that.'

She could hear the pain in his voice and wanted to reassure him. But she had been in pain herself and needed some time to deal with all of it. So she told him, 'Well, what's done is done El. We are talking now so I guess that's good. It's a lot to take in, and I think there's more. If it's alright with you, I'd like to continue this another time. I uhm ... I just ...'

'I understand Liv. I do. Take your time. I will be here.'

'Okay.'

'Will you call me again?'

'I will.'

'Goodnight, Olivia. And thanks.'

'Goodnight Elliot.'

...


	11. Chapter 11

11.

Elliot was shaking after the phone call had ended. He was relieved that he had gotten this much out. He knew they would need to talk again but she didn't hate him. She didn't hate him and she would call again. He sighed and tears were welling in his eyes. He had only started to realize over the past few months, just how much his partner had meant to him as a friend. How much she still meant to him. She had been his loyal partner, for better or worse. If he could just get a part back of the friendship they once had, he would be happy to take it.

He didn't know how she was taking what he had already told her. Her mother had been an alcoholic and it had caused a lot of damage in her life. She didn't need another drunk around. It made him all the more determined never to drink again.

...

Olivia decided to take a shower and change into something more comfortable. Everything Elliot had told her was going through her mind. She knew first hand how much damage alcohol could do. Her mother had been two completely different people - one sober and one drunk. She couldn't imagine her former partner out of control like that and she was certain she would never want to. He had trouble containing himself even without a drink so who knows what he would do in a drunken stupor. He might even kill someone.

She flopped on her couch with a bottle of wine in her hand. She looked at it and changed her mind. She didn't need alcohol either. She put it back in the wine rack and poured herself some orange juice in stead. It turned out to be difficult to relax. Thoughts of a drunk Elliot kept going though her mind. Despite his passionate character, she had always known him as someone who was able to keep himself in check. Well, usually.

He had certainly kept himself in check with her. There had been moments during their partnership when it would have been so easy to fall into each others' arms, just to get some comfort after a hard case. But he had never succumbed. Neither had she. But she knew she would have, if he had ever opened that door. She felt a blush creeping up her cheeks and laughed at herself. Here she was, all alone, and she was blushing because she was thinking about something that had never happened. Something she had told herself - and others - was never going to happen. And now he was back without his wedding ring. Her heart was beating a bit faster than usual and she shook her head at herself.

...

Elliot lay awake for a long time. After his phone call with Olivia, he had cried. It had been the first time in a long time but the conversation had hit him hard. It wasn't just what he had told her, but also the memories of the things he hadn't told her yet and his extreme response to them. After a while, the people at the rehab centre in Boston had told him he had almost all symptoms of PTSD. He was traumatized. It was as if his brain had short-circuited on that fateful day. He had agreed to therapy and it had actually helped. After a few weeks he had started telling his therapist about Olivia. She had been the one constant in his life for such a long time and his therapist had suggested he reach out to her again, once he felt ready to go back to New York. And now he had and she was willing to renew their contact. His partner. His friend. And a woman he had feelings for that he had never been able to express. He didn't know if she wanted him in her life that way but he would accept whatever she would give him, as long as she was in his life again.

...

The next morning when Olivia returned to work, Captain Cragen called her into his office. She wondered if he had spoken with Elliot as well, because he came to the point right away.

'And? Did you call Elliot?'

She sat down on the chair her Captain was offering her and smiled briefly.

'I did.'

Captain Cragen leaned back in his chair.

'So, what do you think?'

'Well, to be honest, I don't think I got the whole story yet.'

'Why do you think that?'

She shrugged. 'Just a feeling. I don't see him becoming an alcoholic over one shooting.'

'Hmm, I see.'

The Captain was thinking it over and Olivia kept wondering what it was that she didn't know yet. Cragen obviously did know but he wasn't going to tell her.

'Will you two be keeping in touch?' he asked her.

Olivia nodded. 'Yes, I agreed to call him again.'

'Good, good,' the Captain said pensively. 'You do that.'

...

A while later they caught another case and Olivia and Nick headed out. She was trying to stay focused on the job and did pretty well, she thought. By the end of the morning, Nick actually welcomed her back, and she laughed. She _was_ better now. The only thing that was still a small distraction for her was the question if it was too soon to call Elliot again that evening ...

...

She did call him again that night. Elliot was a little surprised but very happy to hear from her so soon. They talked a little about his drinking problem and her experiences with her mother. He told her he didn't want to open any old wounds for her but he couldn't keep the truth from her either. She understood. She didn't go into it any further, although she knew he was in fact still keeping something from her. But she gathered he would tell her when he was ready.

She asked about his children and the conversation became lighter. He brought her up to speed, telling her about all five of his kids and what they were doing now. Maureen was 28 now and married. Kathleen was 23 and the twins were 19.

'And little Eli just turned 4 this month.'

'He's four already? So he will be going to school soon,' Olivia said. She remembered his birth so well and she couldn't believe he was off to school already.

'Yeah ... I guess he is,' Elliot said and she noticed the hesitation in his voice.

'You don't know? You don't see him regularly?'

'No ... I was gone a long time and Kathy doesn't know if she wants me around him at all.'

The hurt was evident in his voice.

'You have a right to see him, Elliot.'

'I know. I just don't want to fight about it. Kath and I have fought enough.'

There was an awkward silence. Olivia wanted to ask him what had caused them to split up for good but didn't want to rush him.

Elliot appreciated that she didn't ask about Kathy but he also knew he would have to tell her. But not now. He was avoiding it and he knew it. He was just so happy to be talking to Olivia again so he changed the subject.

'So tell me, what have you been up to Liv?'

Olivia suppressed a sigh. Alright, perhaps some lighter talk was good for them right now. So she told him about the job and the new detectives they were working with. He found it very amusing that her new partner reminded her of him, albeit not always in a good way. They laughed and both enjoyed just talking. About everything and nothing. Happier memories took over the conversation and when they decided to call it a night, they were both in a good mood.

'Talk to you soon?' Elliot asked.

'I'd like that,' Olivia admitted.

'Can I call you?'

She smiled. It wasn't easy for him not to be in control. Part of her wanted to tease him a bit but she also knew he needed a friend. So she told him, 'If you need to talk and I'm taking too long to call you, then feel free to call me.'

'Thank you Olivia. That means a lot to me.'

She nodded again, trying to ignore the tears in her eyes. 'I know.'

'Bye.'

'Bye El.'

...

 **There will be more action soon, I promise! I just like to take my time getting there ;)**  
 **Leave a review - the more I get, the faster I update!**


	12. Chapter 12

**Warning: now the fun begins ...**

12.

They started calling each other regularly.

Olivia still had no clue he was living right across the street from her and he wanted to keep it that way for now. He was grateful that she didn't ask where he was staying. They chatted about all kinds of things, went down memory lane a few times and even watched a movie together while discussing it over the phone. Long pauses in the conversation weren't uncomfortable at all, and it almost felt as if they were sitting next to each other. He wanted to suggest to her to actually do it, to watch a movie together. But being on the phone together was good for now. No need to rush. He was feeling lighter again, happier and more optimistic about the future.

They were rebuilding their friendship and Olivia felt happier too. It showed, and her co-workers commented on her changed demeanour. She just laughed and let them speculate about a new love interest in her life. Sometimes she let her mind wander. What if Elliot turned out to be just that? She looked forward to calling him at night after a long day at work, and she couldn't help smiling whenever he beat her to it and called first. They had fun together and also more serious conversations about her work. It felt good to be able to talk to someone about her cases and she thought it might be about time to see each other in person again. Maybe go out for drinks after work. But then she remembered his problem. A bar might not be the best place to meet up after all. She didn't know how she would handle receiving him in her apartment just yet. There were still some things left unsaid.

...

Elliot had contacted Captain Cragen again and had filled him in on his renewed contact with Olivia. Cragen told him Olivia seemed a lot happier these days and encouraged him to tell her everything. It would be healing for him. Although he agreed it would be healing for _him_ , he did not want to burden Olivia with his troubles. He was enjoying the relaxed banter between them and wanted to build on that. No need to bother her with any more of the heavy stuff in his life.

He had called Kathy a few times, asking if he could see Eli. She had agreed to let him come over but there was no way he was going back to that house. He insisted he wanted to see his son on neutral grounds and when Kathy objected, he told her he had a right to see his son and he would make her cooperate if she wouldn't willingly. He was stronger now and more balanced and he felt she had caused enough damage. She was not taking his son away from him.

He told Olivia about it over the phone. Olivia couldn't help wondering what had transpired between the couple. They had had issues for as long as she could remember but they always seemed to find a way to keep going. What had gone so wrong that there was no fixing it anymore? His drinking? Had he perhaps become violent with his wife? She couldn't imagine it. She had seen him rough up a perp or a suspect but he would never lay a hand on a woman. Ever. And from what he had let on, he was the one that was hurt this time, not Kathy. He had told her that the job had made him kind of hard to live with and she could understand that. Perhaps Kathy just had enough of him one day.

...

She agreed with Elliot that he should force Kathy to let him see his son. A few days later, on Friday afternoon, he called her at work and let her know that he was finally going to see Eli. Kathy had dropped him off at Maureen's for a sleepover and he was on his way there.

'Let me know how it went, okay?' she asked.

'Sure will, I'll call you later!'

She laughed as they ended the call. He sounded so excited and she was really happy for him. Whatever had happened between the parents, they should not let the kids suffer any more than necessary. She was actually a little nervous for him. After getting home that evening and taking a quick shower, she tried to relax with a glass of wine and a magazine. She would be waiting up to hear from him.

...

Elliot got back home a lot later than he had expected. Eli had been elated to see his daddy again and Elliot was so relieved that his son had not forgotten about him. Maureen told him that she and her brother and sisters would not let him forget their father. They had used pictures and funny memories to remind him of his dad all the time and he was grateful. His older children had all been so understanding. They had welcomed him back in their lives and were all very considerate about his issues with alcohol. He felt blessed and Maureen had promised him to tell her mother all about the great time Eli had with his dad. He had stayed to talk with Maureen and her husband for quite a while after Maureen had put Eli to bed, and then had to drive over an hour to get back home. It was already past 11 pm.

He wanted to call Olivia. It was the first thought he had whenever something important happened. And even when something not so important happened. He wanted to share it with her. He smiled as he walked into his apartment and straight over to the window. She really meant the world to him and he was so grateful that she was letting him back in. He was very happy to see the lights still on in her living room. The curtains were only closed halfway and he could see her head resting against the back of the couch. Was she sleeping? He wanted to talk to her but he didn't want to wake her if she was sleeping. So he decided to text her in stead.

...

Olivia looked at her phone. A text message at this hour? Her heart started beating a little faster. Elliot must be home. She picked up her phone, which had been lying on the couch next to her all evening, and opened the message.

 _'Are you still up? I'm home. Had a great time with Eli.'_

She didn't hesitate and dialled his number immediately.

'Hey Liv, I'm so glad you are still awake.'

'Of course I am. I want to know all about your visit with Eli,' she told him. She was so happy that he sounded happy and could not suppress a wide smile. He really deserved this and she wished once again that they were speaking face to face. After he had told her all about Eli and Maureen and the wonderful support he was getting from his older children she finally worked up the courage to tell him.

'El, I wish I could see your face right now,' she said softly. 'You sound so happy.'

He wanted to rush over to her right away. It warmed him to know she wanted to see him.

'You want me to come over at this hour?' he asked hesitantly and he wanted to bite his tongue immediately. Surely that was not what she meant!

He held his breath when she didn't respond right away. He had been too forward. He looked outside and saw her getting up and walking across her living room. She was pacing.

'Liv? I'm sorry if ...'

'No El, it's alright, really. It's just ... a little late that's all.'

He heard her laughing and was surprised.

'I have an idea,' she said. 'Why don't you send me a selfie?'

He grinned and sat back down. That was a novel idea. He decided to go with it and sent her a silly picture of himself. Then he told her to send him one of herself too.

'You know, so I don't have to ask you what you are wearing.'

He knew he was treading on thin ice here but he wanted to know how she would react to a harmless little flirtation. His heart rate had picked up some pace while he waited for her response.

She sat down and thought it over. This was new. It was not what they used to do. She held out her phone, not sure how much of her would fit into a selfie. She sent him the picture of herself sticking out her tongue.

He laughed out loud and then tried again.

'I still can't really make out what you have on, Liv.'

She bit her lower lip. How should she respond to that? What was he up to? They had flirted before, but usually when there were other people around. That was much safer. She had a funny feeling in her stomach but was a little excited too. Why not see where he was taking this while he was in such a great mood? It was Friday night and she didn't have anywhere to go so ...

'Why don't you tell me what _you_ are wearing first, detective Stabler. Then _maybe_ I will tell you about my evening attire.'

Her voice sounded soft and a little sultry and Elliot sat up straight. She was playing along! He breathed out slowly while his mind raced. He so wanted to keep this conversation going! He heard her laughing softly. She was obviously aware that he was at a loss for words. _Think Stabler! Think!_

"Hmmm, let's see ... I'm wearing jeans. You know, the slim fitting kind. Just right from every angle.'

'Please go on,' she whispered and now it was his turn to laugh softly. What a tease. This was a side of Olivia Benson that he didn't get to see very often. He had seen her work suspects lots of times, using her charm and even her body to coax information out of them. But she had never done that to him this openly.

'And I'm wearing a light blue button down shirt. You know, the kind you like so much ...'

'Hm hmm.' She knew what he meant and had a very clear visual of him now, changing into just such a shirt in the locker room at the precinct.

'Sleeves rolled up?' she asked, thinking about his muscular forearms and the tattoo on his right arm.

'Of course. You like that?'

'Hmmm. Anything underneath?'

He swallowed hard. She was really going for it and it excited him more than he cared to admit. It would be his turn to ask questions soon.

'No, just me underneath,' he said softly. 'My turn. Tell me about yourself.'

Her heart was pounding now. _They did not do this!_ But she had gone along with it so far so it was only fair to him to keep going.

'Let's see ... I'm wearing a light grey legging. You know, the tight fitting kind.'

Elliot rubbed his face with his free hand. Yes, he knew her leggings ... and her legs.

'Anything on your feet?'

She was lying on the couch now and looked at her feet, wiggling her toes.

'No, nothing on my feet, except for cherry red nail polish.'

He smiled. She was too cute. But they weren't done yet.

'What else are you wearing?'

His bedroom voice sent a shiver through her body. _What were they doing!_ Come on Benson, say something. Just the truth will do.

'I'm wearing a long, oversized t-shirt. It's black with a V-neck.'

'A V-neck hmmm. Anything underneath?'

...

 **Okay, that's enough for now! Can't fit this phone call into one chapter, sorry.  
Also, I'm not sure if we all were into selfies yet in 2012 but hey - it works here! :) Stay tuned for more!**


	13. Chapter 13

**Lol, I should have known the responses would start coming once things got a little sexy ... Thanks for all the reviews so far! Thanks to "writefanfic" for the comment about the length of the chapters. They will be longer from now on!**

 **So, back to the story ... where were we?**

13.

 _'I'm wearing a long, oversized t-shirt. It's black with a V-neck.'_

 _'A V-neck hmmm. Anything underneath?'_

Olivia swallowed hard. She was getting warm and she actually looked down her shirt before answering the question, her voice a little shaky but the corner of her mouth curling up in a smile.

'I'm wearing a black bra. It's semi see-through lace.'

Despite what most men thought, it wasn't comfortable at all for women with her cup size to walk around without a bra and she only took it off right before going to bed. Right now she was glad she was wearing one for other reasons. They were practically having phone sex and she needed some kind of protection from him ... and from herself.

Elliot had a clear visual of Olivia now, in a black semi see-through bra ... He took a few deep breaths, trying to think of something else to say. Anything. Come on, Stabler.

'I would really like to see you in that ... you know ... outfit.'

The pause was completely intentional and he knew that she knew it. This was brand-new territory for both of them.

Olivia bit her lip again. She was breathing too fast and tried to stay cool while she slowly replied.

'Well, maybe we should ... you know ... see each other.'

Those words meant so much and they both knew it. Elliot didn't want the conversation to end but he didn't want to suggest coming over again. So he took another bold step.

'Well, while we are on the phone and can't actually _see_ each other, maybe you can continue your description.'

His body was tense with anticipation. Would she continue to play along?

'What would you want me to describe next, detective?' she asked sultrily. Sweat beads were beginning to form on his forehead. He could really use a drink right now. What should she describe now? He wanted to know what she looked like underneath her clothes. He wanted her to touch herself and tell him about it. But he couldn't ask her that. So he decided to hand her the controls.

'What would _you_ like to describe?'

They had reached the point of no return. They both knew it. If they took things any further it wouldn't just be joking around anymore. And he was letting her decide. While she was thinking about it, she rubbed her abdomen with her free hand. Her hand went a little lower automatically and a small groan escaped her throat. It shocked her and she could only imagine what that sound would do to Elliot.

'Liv?' he asked cautiously. 'Are you alright?'

'Yeah,' she sighed. 'I guess I'm getting a little too excited here.'

Did she just cross the line? She sat up with a jolt, a little shocked at her own words. A blush was creeping up her cheeks.

Elliot didn't know what to do with himself.

'God Liv, you don't know what you're doing to me,' he rasped.

'I'm sorry,' she was quick to say. 'I don't know what I was thinking ...'

Actually, she knew very well what she was thinking and it should stop, right now. She laughed and tried to lighten the mood. 'We are too old for this anyway, El. Stop teasing me.'

He smiled. She was retreating rapidly. He composed himself but couldn't resist pushing her a little more.

'I believe you were the one teasing me most of the time, detective Benson. But I will let it slide _this_ time. Next time though ...'

She was blushing full on now and shook her head. She moved her legs off the couch and crossed them to stop the throbbing she was feeling down there. She hoped there wouldn't be a next time, at least not on the phone. Her body told her she was definitely not to old for this. Not at all. She tried to shake it off and got up to walk to the kitchen. She needed another drink and opted for a bottle of water. She was wide awake and wanted to keep a clear head if they were to talk any longer.

'What are you doing?' Elliot asked.

'Just getting some water. You know, to cool off.'

'Okay. Any suggestions how I should cool off?'

She laughed. 'I'm sure you will think of something. Should I hang up while you uh ... attend to it?'

He laughed as well and relaxed a little.

'Nah, just chatting with you helps Liv. But if you get me going again, I'm coming over there!'

She wasn't sure if she found that such a bad idea but decided she wouldn't tell him that. In stead, she asked him to tell her some more about his family. She always enjoyed hearing about his kids. They chatted a while longer and their erotic interlude was pushed to the back of their minds for now. But it came back full force for both of them later, when they were in their respective beds.

...

He called her again the next morning. She should have known he wouldn't leave it alone. Olivia had not slept well and when she did doze off, her dreams were filled with images of Elliot. Elliot changing his shirt; his voice on the phone, asking her to take her clothes off; his hands reaching for her and touching her. When she got tired of tossing and turning she finally gave in to the physical need and helped herself to a desperately needed release. After that, she had slept a little better. Still, she was up and about early and was just about to go out for some groceries when he called.

'Hey, you're up early,' she remarked.

'So are you. Did you sleep well?'

'Not really. You?'

'No, not really either. I wonder why ...'

She could practically hear his cocky smile and laughed out loud.

'I have no idea. I do know I was ready to pass out after talking to you all night, so that certainly wasn't it,' she joked.

'Hey hey hey. Just so you know, I am a great conversationalist. Nothing boring about me at all!' he countered. 'So, what are you up to this weekend?'

'Nothing special,' Olivia said. 'Just going out to get some groceries. You know, actual food and stuff.'

She grinned, remembering how he would always scold her for her eternally empty refrigerator. He remembered and asked if she actually cooked these days.

'Only when I'm entertaining,' she told him, smiling broadly while she waited for him to retort. He did not disappoint.

'I would very much like to see any entertainment you have to offer!'

Elliot was feeling a little giddy. He loved exploring this new territory he and Olivia were venturing into. But Olivia cut the conversation short and he was slightly disappointed.

'I'm sure you would Elliot, but I really have to run now. I want to have all the stuff I need for the weekend early because I actually have an appointment this afternoon. Alex is in town and we're getting together for drinks later.'

'Alex? Alex Cabot?'

'One and the same.'

'Well, be sure to say hi for me, okay?'

'I will El. Talk to you again soon.'

Elliot watched her leave the building and walk down the street. He sighed. She had really gotten to him the night before and he couldn't stop thinking about it. He wanted to call her again this evening but he wondered if that would be pushing it. He had already called her today. He sighed again and turned away from the window. If she only knew what she was doing to him. He was actually beginning to believe she might be open to more than friendship with him ...

...

Olivia was looking forward to seeing Alex again. They hadn't always seen eye to eye but they respected each other as professionals and had gotten fond of each other. She took a cab to the restaurant where they had agreed to meet and Alex was already there, at the bar. She waved and they hugged before sitting down together at a small table. They both ordered red wine and settled in.

Alex told her about her work at the International Criminal Court, where she was still working partially. Olivia told her about the progress the new detectives had made since Alex had last seen them. When Alex confided in her and told her that she was seeing someone, Olivia hesitated. She wasn't sure she was ready to tell people she was in touch with Elliot again. She didn't even know what exactly was going on between them. Especially since last night. Alex noticed her brief distraction and had to ask. Of course.

'Olivia, do you have something to share as well?'

Alex had her stern don't-bullshit-me look in her eyes and Olivia looked away.

'Not really.'

Alex immediately signalled the waiter and ordered more wine.

'I need to get some more wine into you to get you talking,' she stated seriously but then they both laughed.

'Come on, Olivia. I'm only in town for a few days. If you have any juicy details to tell me, do it now!'

Olivia bit her lower lip. Juicy details? Then she decided if she was going to talk to someone, it might as well be Alex. She took a deep breath and then a sip of her second glass of wine before looking at Alex again.

'There are no juicy details yet, but ehm ... I have been talking with this guy and ... well, I don't know yet where this is headed but it's good to have someone to talk to.'

Okay, she said it.

'Talking? You are just talking?' Alex was a little surprised.

'Yes. On the phone, actually.'

Now Alex clearly didn't know what to think.

'On the _phone_? You mean, you haven't even seen him yet?'

She grinned and took another sip of wine. She thought she should eat something with that before it went to her head.

'Well, it's not like he's a total stranger. We kinda ... knew each other before.'

Alex was tapping on the table impatiently now.

'So spill. Who is he? Do I know him?'

Olivia looked down at her hands and Alex guessed that she did.

'Oh no ...,' she exclaimed suddenly. 'Don't tell me it's ... Olivia, are you and _Elliot_ in touch again?'

Olivia's cheeks turned red and she didn't need to say anything. Alex reached over and took her hands in hers.

'Really, Olivia?' she said much softer. 'You know it's about time you two got together. I'm happy for you.'

She squeezed Olivia's hands and Olivia didn't know what to say. It was about time? Actually, she couldn't agree more.

'So the wife is out of the picture at last.' It wasn't a question, it was a statement.

Olivia nodded. She still didn't really know what happened there but Elliot was a free man. For the first time since they had met back in 1999. Alex was thinking it over and then asked if they really had only been talking on the phone.

'Yeah, we haven't actually gotten together yet. Just rebuilding our friendship for now.'

'Friendship. Right.'

Olivia blushed again and Alex laughed. 'Wow, that must be pretty intense phone calls from the looks of you!'

'Oh stop it Alex. You are embarrassing me!'

The both laughed and Olivia was relieved that Alex didn't ask for more details. Before last night that wouldn't have been an issue but just thinking about the conversation of the evening before sent a shiver through her body. Alex encouraged her some more to go and see Elliot in person but then went on to tell her about her own new boyfriend. She was really happy for Alex and she could see the former ADA was very much in love. When they finally said their goodbyes, Olivia told her she definitely wanted to meet the man one day and Alex promised she would introduce them soon.

...

Meanwhile, Elliot was bored. He was seriously considering getting a pet, just so he would have something to distract him on the weekends. Watching Olivia had kept him busy for a while but now that they were talking again, he didn't know what to do with himself on these long days alone. The days seemed to be a lot longer now that he was completely sober. He thought about going into a bar sometimes but he hadn't done so yet. It would be stupid and he wanted to avoid temptation at all costs. Still, he couldn't wait for Olivia to come back home so he could talk to her again. He wanted to tell her what she needed to know so they could take the next step in fixing their relationship: meet face to face.

...

 **Wanna leave a review? Then do it!**


	14. Chapter 14

14.

Olivia got home around 8 pm. She had stayed with Alex at the restaurant a lot longer than she had expected and she was hungry. She was a little unsteady on her feet from all those glasses of wine and decided to order in. She took a quick shower and changed into a clean black legging and big grey sweat shirt over a light blue tank top. She settled in after the Chinese food had arrived and enjoyed her meal. She planned to turn in early and sleep in late.

...

Elliot had not seen her come home and was surprised to see her curtains drawn. She must be home. He had fixed himself some macaroni and cheese and was flipping though the tv guide to see if there was a good movie on that night. Maybe they could watch it together, just like before. He couldn't find anything good though. He wanted to call her anyway but he hesitated. He didn't want to push her but thinking back to the night before, he wouldn't mind continuing their little flirtation. He tried to distract himself but his mind kept wandering. The sound of her voice while she teased him, asking him what he was wearing and then admitting to getting excited ... He felt his body respond to just the thought of Olivia touching herself and he got up to get himself something to drink. He wasn't sure what he would do if she ever talked to him like that face to face. Acknowledging his feelings for her was a big step ... and he still wasn't certain if she felt the same way. There had always been some kind of pull between them but she had never led him on so he didn't know what it really meant to her.  
Around 9.30 pm he decided he had waited long enough and he called Olivia.

...

'Hey you, calling me twice in one day now?'

Olivia hadn't expected him to call again. She was still feeling a little drowsy and had just finished eating. She hoped her head would clear up soon. She was curled up on the couch and felt her muscles relax. It was nice to hear his voice again.

'Yeah,' Elliot said. 'I missed you today.'

It was a simple statement but it moved her. She took a deep breath and blinked a few times to get rid of the moist in her eyes. Where did that come from every time Elliot said something nice to her?

'I see. Well, I had fun with Alex today.' She was glad her voice sounded steady. 'You know, she is seeing someone. She seems very happy.'

'Good for her,' Elliot said and he meant it. These hard-working women deserved some happiness in their private lives. He could only hope the guy would be able to keep up with Alex' hectic work schedule.

'Yeah, you know how that usually goes. I've had to cancel more dates than I care to remember because of the job,' Olivia mentioned.

'I remember.'

'Well, it was either that or you would chase them away,' she joked.

'Hmmm. That's true. I guess I wanted to keep you to myself,' he admitted, much to his own surprise as well as Olivia's.

'El, I don't think that would have been fair, do you? You had nothing to offer me so that would leave me with nothing!' It actually had left her with nothing but she didn't feel the need to say that out loud.

She was being serious now and her honesty prompted him to do the same.

'You are right. It wasn't fair. But things have changed. Maybe I have something to offer this time around.'

Olivia realized that the conversation had turned serious. She could try to laugh it off but she didn't want to. Not this time. So she waited for him to continue.

'You know ... I haven't told you about Kathy and me yet ...' he said.

Olivia leaned back on the couch and put a hand to her forehead. She was still feeling the effects of the wine she had. But if he was ready to talk about it now, she wanted to hear what he had to say.

'No, you haven't. You want to tell me now?' she asked.

He was silent again but he knew there was no way back. So he started talking.

'After the shooting ... you know, with Jenna, I called Kathy to let her know I would probably be home very late, if at all that day. I didn't tell her about the shooting yet, just not to worry and not to wait up.'

Kathy was used to it by now and had not asked any questions. She had just told him it was fine and thanked him for letting her know. He had expected IAB to come over right away and thought he would be tied up there for a long time. In the end, he had gone home a lot earlier than he had expected because of the Captain's swift actions. He wanted to be with his family and sit with his wife and young son for a while. He had not decided how much he would tell Kathy about it all, but he knew she would be there to calm him down.

'When I got home around 8.30 that evening, there was nobody downstairs so I went upstairs quietly. I didn't want to wake up Eli but I wanted to talk to Kathy. I heard something in our bedroom so I went in and ...'

He stopped briefly and took a deep shaky breath.

'Kathy was there with another man.'

Olivia was shocked. She could hear the emotion in his voice and she cringed when she realized how hurt Elliot must have been. 'God, El,' she whispered. She had not expected this. She was wide awake now and her brain was trying to wrap itself around the enormous change that had occurred that night in Elliot's life.

Elliot tried to focus on Olivia, on what he needed to tell her so she would understand where he was coming from. He couldn't clear the upsetting image from his mind this time and he described it to her in stead.

'She was ch... cheating on me in our own bed,' he choked out. 'And in a position I didn't even know she was comfortable with!'

He spat out the last words and Olivia thought she was getting a little too much information. But she could certainly understand how upsetting this had been for Elliot. And how upset he still was when he thought about it. She was shaking too because she wished she could have been there for Elliot then. He had done everything in his power to stay faithful to his wife, and _this_ was how she had repaid him?

Now she understood why he had gone off the deep end. The shooting in itself was enough to shake him up but to catch his wife of over 25 years cheating on him on the same day ... no one should ever have to go through that much pain. She wanted to reach out to him, to make it better somehow.

'El,' she said softly. 'You didn't deserve that.'

He shook his head in agreement, and also to get rid of the upsetting images once again.

'No, I didn't. I have always been faithful to her. You know that better than anyone. I even came back for Eli when she asked me. The least she could have done was tell me it was over before ... before ...'

He felt like someone was squeezing his throat. He never should have gone back. Not that time when he got Kathy pregnant again and not when she asked him to move back in. His life could have been so different.

'You know,' he continued after a minute. 'All I wanted was to see _you_ then ... I shouldn't have gone to that bar first!'

Olivia was feeling his pain. She could only imagine what would have happened if he had showed up at her apartment that night. She wasn't sure she would have been able to hold back her own feelings for her partner. But he hadn't been there and she had thought he had simply quit on their friendship - or whatever it was that they had together. She had thought he was living happily ever after with his family while she was left with nothing but her job and her will to keep going - for the sake of the victims. After a long silence, Elliot spoke again.

'You know, I was actually glad I had no ID or phone on me when those beat cops picked me up. I didn't want them to know I was a cop and I certainly didn't want my squad to find out it was me.'

His phone had been stolen. The phone where she had left so many texts and voice mail messages on ... No wonder he had never called her back. He should have known she would be looking for him though. She called the house several times too and even went there a few times, but Kathy would only tell her he wasn't there each time until she had finally stopped calling.

'Do you know how many times I called you on that number?' she asked sadly.

'I'm sure you called. I was just so lost, I couldn't have remembered your number even if I had tried ... By the time I was ready to get help, it had been way to long. I just didn't know what to say to you.'

'Until now?'

He laughed softly.

'Well, I still didn't know what to say, but after you saw me at that restaurant I had to think of something fast.' His voice became very serious when he added, 'I don't want to lose you again Liv. I really want us to be friends again. But I'll understand if you can't ...' He ended his sentence with a sob and he couldn't speak anymore.

Her eyes weren't just moist now, tears were flowing down her cheeks. He had been in so much pain. How could she not reach out to him? They had too much history together to leave things like this. And the thing with the roses had been so sweet and considerate. Now that she knew the whole story she just had to see him.

'El, I don't want to lose you again either. I've missed you. I've missed _us_. So much. I love talking to you again and ... I'm really glad you're back. I just want to see you.'

Elliot held his breath for a few seconds. See him?

'You ... want to see me? For real this time?'

He sounded so hopeful and she smiled through her tears.

'Yes Elliot, for real this time. You want to come over?'

He let out a shaky sigh and wiped a tear out of his eye.

'Yes please. I can be there in 15 minutes.'

'Good. So get your ass over here!'

Elliot's heart skipped a beat. He jumped up and told her, 'I'm on my way!'

...

 **Yup, no need to drag this out any further. Next up is the reunion.  
Sorry for making Kathy a cheater. If I'm going to write about El leaving, the reasons can't be the same each time ...  
Please leave a review. What will happen when they meet?**


	15. Chapter 15

15.

Olivia was pacing in her living room. He had said 15 minutes so he wasn't very far away. She was nervous about seeing him again. She couldn't believe what he had been through. There was no more marriage and he was coming to see her. She didn't want to think too far ahead about what that might mean but she couldn't really stop the thoughts she was having about her former partner.

She checked her appearance in the mirror and decided to put on something a little nicer. She pulled the sweatshirt off. Just a tank top was a bit too much, she thought and she grinned at herself in the mirror. She pulled out a black open-front cardigan from her closet, that just reached her thighs. Better. Much better. She continued pacing, wondering if 15 minutes had always taken so long ...

There was a knock on the door. Her palms were clammy and her throat was dry. She took a deep breath and opened the door. There he was, looking shy and sad and happy and afraid at the same time. They just stared at each other for a moment, and then she noticed the rose he was holding. He looked down at it as well and then held it out to her.

'It's the last one,' he said softly. 'For now anyway.'

She smiled and took the rose.

'No note?' she asked, still looking down and hoping that she didn't sound too nervous.

'Naah,' Elliot replied. 'I was hoping I could tell you stuff in person from now on.'

He was nervous too and just stood there in the doorway.

'Come on in,' Olivia said.

He walked into her apartment and closed the door, saying 'It's been a long time.'

She nodded. 'Sure has.'

She walked over to the side table to put the rose in the vase with the single white rose. The other red roses were gone but she still had all the notes. She heard him following her and jumped a little when she turned around and saw him standing very close to her.

'Liv ...'

'El ...'

He reached for her and she lost it.

She wrapped her arms around him and pulled him close to her. He did the same immediately and she tried to contain a sob as they held each other tight. He had been the only one to make her feel safe and emotion overwhelmed her when she realized he still did that to her. She felt like nothing and no one could hurt her as long as he was with her. It moved her to tears. She leaned against his cheek with hers so he could not see her tears. If Elliot noticed she was crying, he did not show it. He stroked her back and she shivered under his soft touch. Then she felt his lips graze the sensitive skin of her neck. She closed her eyes and froze briefly at the intimate gesture, but she didn't want to break the moment.

Elliot sensed that she froze but when she did not pull away, he put his lips on her skin again, just behind her ear. She moaned softly and he felt her hands glide down his back to his hips. His skin caught fire where they made contact with each other and he breathed out slowly, shakingly. Was this really happening?

He knew he was risking everything right now but he could not think clearly. He was holding Olivia in his arms. Finally. She was intoxicating and all he wanted to do was touch her again, kiss her again ... She might slap him if he proceeded but she seemed so willing ...

Olivia was rapidly losing control. All of her senses were focused on Elliot and the way he was touching her. She wanted to feel his lips on her skin again and turned her face towards him. Their eyes locked and they both froze. But only very briefly. Then Elliot leaned in to kiss a tear away that had slid down her cheek.

He kissed her jaw and she sighed, her warm breath touching his cheek and ear. His heart was pounding violently in his chest and he looked into her eyes again. She was still holding him. She was not moving away. He felt her moving so her hips aligned with his and he fell.

He fell so deeply and completely and he knew he would not be able to hold back anymore. The time of holding back, of forcing himself to turn away, of avoiding even the slightest touch was far behind him. He crashed his lips onto hers and fell even deeper when she opened her mouth immediately to grant him access.

He was kissing her. _Elliot_ was kissing her. A little uncontrolled at first but when she started returning the kiss they were in sync again in seconds. Their mouths and tongues moved together and she heard him moan in her mouth. A want shot through her body and she could feel he was equally aroused. He pressed his body into hers and she almost lost her bearing. His strong arm held her up and he broke the kiss to look into her eyes. She was breathing heavily and she could see the fire in his eyes. He wanted her too!

He took a deep breath and looked away from her for a second to regain some kind of control over himself. Then he looked at her again and whispered, 'Do you really want this? Right now?'

She swallowed hard. Wasn't it obvious? She was trembling and her body was aching for his touch. It was overwhelming and at the same time, it was meant to be. They were meant to be. And she wasn't going to hold back anymore. Elliot had come back for her and she was not letting him get away again. So she nodded and whispered, 'Yes Elliot, I really want this. Right now.'

He quickly pulled of his jacket, tossed it aside and then his lips were on hers again. They were all over each other and after a minute he pulled away to take her hands in his.

'Where?' he asked, as he looked at where they were standing.

She laughed and pushed him into the living room area towards the couch, never letting go of his hands. He fell backwards onto the couch and Olivia dropped herself on top of him.

'Here,' she said.

She had taken the lead now and Elliot thought he had died and gone to heaven. She wanted him too! There was no way back now. She kissed him passionately and then moved lower to kiss his neck and his collarbone. When his shirt got in the way, she just ripped it open so she could continue the trail of kisses across his chest. She licked one of his nipples and his body jolted. She laughed and moved up a bit to look into his eyes again.

'I've always wanted to do that, detective Stabler,' she told him and her seductive tone went straight to his groin. _Always?_

'God Liv, why did we wait so long!' he sighed as he pulled her face to his to kiss her again. Soon, their clothes were getting in the way and they broke apart and sat up to do something about it. Elliot discarded his ripped shirt and was eyeing her cardigan. He pushed it away from her shoulders and it landed behind her on the floor. She made her tank top disappear and he was on her again, kissing all the new skin that was revealed to him. He thought he could come just from kissing her like that, and her moans only added to his arousal.

Olivia lay back to give him better access to her body and every kiss turned her on even more. She knew why they had waited so long. But now they were finally free to love each other and this was the result. And it was more intense than she had ever imagined. She moaned again when he kissed her breast through the thin material of her bra. His breath was hot on her sensitive skin and she just wanted more. She pushed him up again and tapped on his belt buckle. He stood up to unbuckle it and she helped him unbutton his jeans and pull them down, while remaining seated on the couch.

He stopped breathing when she put her hand over his erection and smiled at him from her position on the couch. She wasn't going to ... He took a quick step back and she was surprised.

'Liv,' he whispered.

She stood up as well and quickly unclasped her bra and tossed it away as she approached him. She knew what breasts did to men and Elliot was no exception. He pushed her back down on the couch and was all over her again. Olivia felt happy. Another tear slid down her cheek when she realized it. This was happiness, to be with Elliot at last.

The room was spinning. Elliot was completely under her spell. Her body was so perfect and he could not get enough of it - of her, Olivia. _His_ Olivia, at last. She was moaning while he covered every inch of her upper body with his hands, his mouth and his tongue. This was so much better than getting drunk. She made him forget all the bad things in the world and in his life. There was only them now, right here, expressing their love and passion for each other. Her hands were roaming his back and he moaned along with her when he felt her hips pushing up against his abdomen. He moved up and she pulled his face close to hers. They kissed again, their naked upper bodies pressed firmly together.

Elliot lowered one hand to her side and then to her thighs. She still had that stupid legging on. She knew that wouldn't come off easily so she pushed against his chest to get some more room. He smiled and she knew he understood. They could even have _this_ conversation without any words ... He lifted his weight off of her but remained close, hovering over her. She smiled a beautiful smile and his eyes flicked from her eyes to her breasts and back again.

'A little help here El?' she asked softly. Het sat up, placing one foot on the ground and reached for her legging. He peeled the tight fabric off her slowly while admiring her long legs. She was blushing again, feeling a little self-conscious under his gaze. The legging was gone at last and they were both down to one last piece of underwear. She couldn't help staring at his muscular chest and shoulders and reached for him. He leaned over and she let her hands roam again. He grunted something when she stroked both his hard nipples simultaneously and attacked her neck again with his mouth.

They were moving fast. There was no need to wait any longer. They had held back for so may years, and it was all coming out at once. Olivia took the lead once more and told Elliot to sit up. He complied, his eyes full of want and also of wonder what she was going to do next. She got up and moved away from him completely. He immediately missed her, the feeling of her skin under his hands. But she didn't go far. She stood in front of him, then bent over to tap his boxer short. He pushed himself up a little on the couch to allow her to take it off him.

She held her breath when she saw him. All of him. He was ready for her. She dropped his boxer short on the floor and quickly got rid of her own white thong. Then she placed herself over him on his lap. She looked in his eyes and smiled when she saw the way he was looking at her. He was slightly shocked but he was so turned on by her. She kissed him softly while moving to find the perfect position on his lap.

He started stammering, attempting to say something but he couldn't form a coherent sentence. She placed two fingers on his lips to silence him, while her other hand made sure he was in position as well. His body jolted under her touch and he wasn't sure if he could hold out much longer. Then she slid over him into place. She wrapped her arms around him and hid her face in the crook of his neck. He placed his hands on her hips and started moving her. She began moving with him and they were once again completely in sync.

They knew they both wouldn't last long the first time. They poured all of their frustration into each other, and all of the pain they had endured together and apart, and most of all the love and lust that had always been there. The room was filled with their heavy breathing, moaning and soon short pants as they picked up speed. As soon as she felt Elliot going over the edge, Olivia followed, collapsing on his shoulder and groaning in his ear while they both rode out their orgasms. He wrapped his arms around her trembling body and held her close. He wished he could get even closer to her but that was physically impossible. So he lay her down on the couch gently in stead and lay down beside her, making as much contact with her soft, warm body as possible. They didn't speak. Words were not necessary right now. And for a while, all was well in the world.

...

 **Well, that's the best I can do in the smut department folks. I hope you enjoyed!  
I bumped the rating up to M to be on the safe side.**  
 **Please leave a review. What do you think happens next?**


	16. Chapter 16

**So, they are together at last. Since some reviewers enjoyed the phone stuff in particular, I added a little extra to this chapter. Enjoy!**

16.

They had moved to the bedroom during the night, both a little cold from lying naked on the couch without covers. Elliot wasn't going anywhere, they didn't even need to bring it up. After warming up a bit under the covers, they had started making out again. They went slower this time, paying much more attention to each other. They moved together so naturally and Olivia knew she would never get enough of this. She had more than enough experience with sex but it had never been like this. Elliot was so familiar and at the same time it was all so new. She felt as if a whole new world had opened up to her, while at the same time it was like she had always known they would be together one day, exactly like this.

By morning, they were sitting up in bed together, just chatting, enjoying each other's company and sharing a bottle of water. Elliot told her he had found his new addiction. He would never drink again as long as he could make love to her. She laughed and told him she couldn't make any promises. She immediately regretted saying that when she saw a look of genuine pain in his eyes.

'I'm sorry El, I didn't mean that ... you know I love you.'

His face lit up at her words and she looked shocked herself. Then he laughed.

'Yeah Liv, you said that out loud!'

He wrapped his arms around her and kissed the top of her head. She leaned into him and let her hand glide across his chest. So she had said it. She had said it first. It wasn't like it was some great secret. Still, she was waiting for him to say something too.

He knew she was waiting for him to tell her he loved her. He stroked her arm and let his hand glide down to her hip and then to her ass. She looked up, probably wondering if he was getting ready for yet another round. He smiled and rolled her over on her back. She did not object and pulled him in for a kiss. The woman was made for sex, he had found that out quickly. He caressed her breast lovingly and his body reacted immediately when she let out a small moan.

'Ah. El, you are insatiable.'

'Only with you Liv, only with you.'

He leaned over her and she was getting ready for round three. But he surprised her when he stopped and gave her a simple kiss on the lips.

'Look at me Liv.'

She looked up at him, into his blue eyes which were full of love and sincerity.

'I love you, Olivia Benson. Always have and always will. And I will tell you as often as you need to hear it, until you really believe it, and long after that.'

Tears were welling in her eyes again and he smiled. He kissed her eyelids gently, and kissed away the tears that were trying to escape. She wrapped her arms around him, unable to speak for a moment, and they held each other tight. Elliot lay back on his back, his arms still around Olivia and she snuggled in beside him. They soon fell asleep again, more content than they had ever been before.

...

Monday morning.

After a long, lazy Sunday together, they both had to get back to work. Elliot had gone home very reluctantly late that Sunday evening but Olivia had assured him it was for the best. If he stayed, they would never get to work on time.  
It was mid December and the shops were exploding with the holiday cheer. There were even some decorations at the station and Olivia smiled. The holidays had never held the best memories for her, but today nothing was going to spoil her mood.

Nick looked up from his paperwork when she sat down at her desk.

'Good morning,' she said, and he grinned back at her.

'What?' she asked, frowning slightly.

'O nothin'. I'm glad you had a nice weekend.'

He looked back down at his paperwork but she could see he was smiling widely. Did she have a sign on her forehead saying I just had sex six times this weekend? She thought back at the how and where and felt a blush creep up her cheeks. Again. That man certainly knew how to make her blush like a schoolgirl, even when he wasn't around. From the couch to the bedroom to the bathroom and even the kitchen ... they didn't have a lot of places left in her apartment that hadn't been christened yet. She had always known Elliot was a passionate man but if she had known this side of him earlier, they would never have made it through twelve years of partnership without crossing the line.

Elliot felt the same way. There was a bounce in his step and he was humming along with the songs on the radio at work. Thoughts of Olivia filled his mind all day. His co-workers noticed, of course. And men being men, they made him tell. He left out the juicy details but did admit that he was very much in love and that the woman he loved wanted to be with him too. The men all made howling sounds and whistled but he wasn't going to give them anything else. He respected Olivia and anyone who would say anything cheap or derogatory about her was in deep trouble. After he glared at them, his co-workers accepted that they would not get any details from the newest addition to the team and they went back to work.

...

It was a surprisingly slow day and both Nick and Olivia were getting a lot of paperwork done. They went out for lunch and Nick asked her if she had any plans for the holidays. Not yet, she admitted, but she was actually thinking about taking some time off for once.

'Good for you,' Nick said. 'But I guess you will have to check with your boyfriend first?'

She smiled and shook her head.

'Now where did you get the idea ...'

'Liv, don't bother!' Nick cut her off with a smile. 'You have this glow around you that I have only seen once before. Are you back with Haden?'

She scrunched up her nose. 'Now why would you think that?'

'I guess that's a no then. Anyone I know?'

She was relieved that she could honestly say it wasn't. Nick was thinking it over but he would never think of her old partner. She was certain of it. If things kept going as well as they were right now - and she actually believed they might - everyone would know soon enough anyway. For now, it was her little secret. Somehow she felt, as long as nobody knew, it couldn't be ruined. She knew it was silly but still, she wasn't used to anything really working out for her. So she wanted to keep her happiness away from the ugliness in the world for now. She had lived in a cocoon with Elliot for over 24 hours and she was flying outside now. She needed some kind of certainty that the cocoon would still be there after a long week of working dirty cases. That she had a safe place to go to, where sex was still what it was supposed to be, in stead of a crime.

They caught a new case that afternoon and kept busy all day. Olivia noticed that despite the heavy emotions that were always involved in rape cases, she was able to focus on solving the case without dwelling too much on the feelings of the victim. She knew it had been that way before, but it had been more difficult for her after Elliot left. She had felt so lonely herself, that each case had hit her harder than before. Sometimes, when a case triggered a memory of her own assault in Sealview, she would be upset for days. The nightmares would return.

Ever since she had started talking with Elliot again, things had improved. She had never told Nick about the assault and even Elliot didn't know all the details, but he knew _her_. She realized that was truly what was different. Elliot was the one person she had allowed to get close to her. He really knew her, better than anyone else. When he left, it had left a gaping hole in her life. She had tried to find someone to fill the void but in the end, only Elliot himself would do. She smiled while finishing up her paperwork for the day. She was in love. He was finally a free man. She was allowed to love him. And he loved her. She was happy.

...

They had agreed to stay away from each other during the week but once they both got home and were on the phone again, they found it difficult to stick to the arrangement. Elliot managed to get her all excited again on the phone. He was telling her in great detail what he wanted to do to her next time they met, and his bedroom voice made her skin tingle as he described how his hands and mouth would find their way across her body. She could practically feel it and her breathing had picked up considerably.

'Tell me what you want me to do next,' he said softly. She felt a little shy, not used to vocalizing what she liked. But he really wanted to know. 'I want to know how I can please you Liv,' he told her. 'I want to be the best thing you've ever had.'

He didn't realize he already was, simply because he was the only man she had ever felt completely safe with. She had already given more of herself to him than she had to anyone else, even before giving him her body. But given her history with other men, she understood that he needed reassurance. So she told him about one of the things she really enjoyed.

Her voice sounded timid but her words hit him as if she was breathing them all over his body. During their partnership he had often wondered what would really turn her on. He had watched her sleep in the cribs and sometimes he even had to leave to keep himself from touching her. His experience had been limited to one woman his entire life and their sex life had always been pretty straightforward. Olivia's body had a very different glow to it and he knew there was _something_ very much alive just beneath the surface. And now her words confirmed that. She was confiding in him and he felt a sense of pride that she was sharing one of her intimate desires with him.

'When I am completely relaxed, like after a massage,' she said, 'if you want to get me going extremely fast, you should pay attention to the soft skin on the inside of my thighs ...' She had to take a deep breath herself before continuing. 'Preferably with your mouth.'

Elliot had a very clear picture in his head of what she was saying and started pacing, one hand on his forehead, while Olivia leaned on the kitchen counter to keep from trembling too much. She couldn't believe she was saying these things out loud. She could almost feel his touch on her while she told him what she liked. Elliot couldn't wait to carry out her instructions and sighed that he really wanted to see her again soon.

Then finally Olivia thought of asking Elliot where he was living. He breathed out slowly, unsure of how she would react once he told her he was right across the street. She might get really pissed that he hadn't told her sooner, and that he had actually been stalking her those first two weeks.

'El? Your address isn't exactly a big secret is it? Or are you hiding another woman from me there?'

He knew she was joking but the last thing he wanted was for Olivia to think he was hiding something from her. So he would have to tell her.

'Promise me you won't get mad.' he said.

Olivia got a funny feeling in the pit of her stomach. Why would his address be something to be mad about? What was he not telling her? A feeling of dread came over her and she sounded a little shaky when she asked him, 'Why would I get mad?'

Elliot sensed how apprehensive she was and he wanted to set things straight right away.

'Please don't panic Liv. It's just ... a little confession I have to make. You remember when I told you I had tried to get a read on what your life was like? Before I was going to contact you?'

She remembered. What did that have to do with anything? She got that now, he had been worried she was in a relationship. She thought he had been a chicken but she got over that.

'Well, when I came back to the city, I actually got an apartment not far from yours.'

She breathed out slowly. That was it? She had gathered as much when he had told her he could be at her place in 15 minutes.

'Okay. So?'

'It's not far at all.'

'Really. So where is it?'

'Look outside.'

'What?'

'Just go over to the window and look outside.'

She did what he asked and looked outside, at the street below.

'Not down there Liv.'

Her head shot up. He could _see_ her?

'Over here.'

Her eyes scanned the building across the street until she saw the lights in one of the apartments on the fifth floor across the street blink a few times. Once they were on again, she could see him walking over to the window and waving at her. He was right across the street ...

'You've been living there the whole time we were talking on the phone?!' she exclaimed.

'Please don't be mad Liv ... I was meaning to tell you, it just never came up until now.'

She kept staring at his silhouette across the street, at a loss for words. Part of her was happy that he turned out to be so close. But she was a little angry too. He had deceived her.

A little bit.

Hadn't he?

She turned away from the window, her phone still pressed to her ear.

'Liv ... it's not a problem is it?'

She took a deep breath and made up her mind.

'What is your apartment number?'

'5D.'

'I'm coming over right now!'

...

 **Oh boy, she's mad. What now?**


	17. Chapter 17

**Some of the dialogue in this chapter (underlined print) is from the actual show, from the episode "Presumed Guilty" (Season 14, episode 10). It is obviously owned by Dick Wolf and NBC.  
** **I wanted to embed it in the show to make it more 'real' :) Right, real fiction ... what was I thinking ...  
**

 **...**

 **Now, Olivia is headed to Elliot's apartment. Will they fight?  
**

17.

Elliot was feeling a little nauseous. Was she really mad at him? He had wanted to see her again tonight but he wasn't sure he was happy that she was rushing over to his apartment right now. Not in this state. She could be quite intimidating if she wanted to be.

Then he laughed, remembering how completely she had surrendered herself to him that weekend. No way he was afraid of her.

Not really.

Was he?

And then he knew what he _was_ afraid of. He was afraid she would hurt him. And that he would hurt her back. He was afraid they would lapse into their old Benson and Stabler routine and just lash out at each other. Not to hurt each other but to keep from getting hurt themselves.

Well, not this time, he decided. He loved her and he would not lash out at her.

Olivia knew what Elliot must be thinking. They still knew each other so well and he would think right now that she was angry. That she was coming over in a furious rage to give him a piece of her mind. That they would have one of their yelling matches and she would storm out again.

Well, not this time, she had decided. She loved him and she wasn't going to mess this up so quickly.

She had taken the elevator down and was now jogging across the street, still in her work clothes. She didn't care. He knew what she looked like. She was smiling all the way up to the fifth floor in the elevator of his building. He was in for a big surprise. She found the door numbered 5D and banged on it three times, loudly.

'Elliot Stabler, open this door right now!' she yelled and she hoped it sounded angry enough.

...

Elliot had been pacing. He wanted to diffuse the situation as quickly as possible. He should just tell her she was absolutely right to be mad at him and not get into an argument. She should be here any moment. The door to his building didn't close properly so she was most likely already inside. He heard her banging on the door and yelling at him. He rushed to open the door, not wanting her to yell again out in the hallway.

'Liv, keep your vo-...'

He stopped mid-sentence, his mouth still hanging open, when he saw her standing there. She had the widest smile on her flushed face, her eyes sparkling and beaming with joy. She took the opportunity to jump into his arms and wrap her arms around his neck.

'Hey neighbour,' she said happily. 'Welcome to the neighbourhood!'

He was stunned. She had caught him completely off guard and it took a few moments for him to realize what was happening, and to put his arms around her as well.

'God Liv, you scared me for a minute,' he said softly, his voice still laced with some tension.

He felt her laughing and he pulled her a little closer to him, lifting her off the ground.

'That was the plan, neighbour. Consider it payback. We're even now.'

He loosened his grip on her a little to look at her. She saw a glint of amusement in his eyes when he said in a low voice, 'Are you sure about that?'

She bit her lip and tried to take a small step back, as if she wanted to turn away. She was still playing him. He could do that too so he let go of her. She had not expected that and stumbled back a little.

'Okay, I can take a hint,' he said as seriously as he could without laughing.

'You ...,' she said, squinting her eyes and tapping his chest with one finger. 'You ...'

He grinned and she finally gave up.

'I love you Elliot. And you living so close is opening up a lot of new possibilities!'

He took her in his arms again and kissed her while reaching behind her to finally close the door to his apartment. She ended up with her back against the door as they continued kissing. She loved it when he was being forceful and she encouraged him by pulling his hips toward her. He moaned and started kissing her neck. How quickly the mood had changed. He had worried for nothing. She was here and she was willing - again.

After making out passionately against the door he gave her a quick tour of his apartment, pushing her through the living room straight into his bedroom. She giggled when he threw her on the bed. He didn't even know she could make that sound. They had come such a long way in such a short period of time ... he was amazed that she was actually here now, in his bed. Wanting him. _Still_ wanting him. Soon, his bedroom was filled with the muffled sounds of lovemaking. They were rushing again but Elliot promised himself that he would not forget her earlier admission to what she really liked, and he would do that to her soon. She whispered sweet nothings in his ear and told him to keep going once he was inside her. _Don't ... stop. Don't ... stop. Don't ... stop!_ 'El! Eeeelll!' Her screams made him come instantly and he grunted in her hair while his body shook, releasing itself inside her. Once he stopped shaking, he fell onto the bed next to her, keeping her close to him while they enjoyed the afterglow together.

'Liv, you are amazing,' he said softly when he was able to speak again. 'I'm so glad I told you where I live.'

She laughed, a beautiful deep laugh and it warmed his heart. She propped herself up on one elbow and looked at him. She traced the outlines of his face with a finger.

'I'm glad you told me too. Now we can just hop over and back without losing too much time. I really thought I wouldn't see you until next weekend.'

She kissed his nose and he kissed her chin.

'And you thought I could stay away that long?' he asked. He was stroking her side, making his way over to her breasts again and her skin was tingling.

'I suppose not,' she said, moving her hand from his face down to his shoulder and his broad chest. They were just taking each other in silently. Elliot rolled on his back and pulled her on top of him. Her breasts grazed his chest and it made him shiver. She had dropped one of her legs between his and could feel him getting aroused again.

'Really El. Already?' she asked him while pushing her leg up a little.

'Liv, I'm getting younger by the minute. You are the best aphrodisiac on the planet.'

...

It took some convincing but around 10.30 pm Elliot finally agreed to let her go for the night. They both had to get up early in the morning. He walked with her to her apartment and kissed her goodnight. Before he left, Olivia told him she had been thinking about taking some time off for the holidays. Elliot thought that was a great idea and would see if he could get time off as well. They were looking forward to making plans already. Going on an actual vacation was new for Olivia. She hadn't had anyone to go with for years. Elliot vowed he would make their first vacation memorable.

...

As expected, they couldn't stay away from each other for more than two days and they each made at least one trip across the street during the week.  
The next weekend, Olivia had to work. They were all working in shifts around the holidays and she and Nick were on the weekend shift. It was December 22, and late that afternoon there was a little Christmas celebration, personnel only.

Elliot had managed to get a week off starting that Sunday, and he had surprised her on Thursday night with two tickets to the Bahamas. He told her he knew some people who knew some people. Otherwise it would have been impossible to get a hotel reservation at such short notice. Captain Cragen was so happy for both of them that he had approved Olivia's application for some time off immediately. Since she would be working all day Sunday, Elliot had promised her he would get everything ready for their trip.

'Believe me, I am very experienced at packing. Despite what you may think, with such a big family I didn't leave that all up to Kathy.'

She wasn't entirely convinced but decided to trust him on this. After all, if they forgot anything it would be a nice excuse to go shopping on the Bahamas.

The celebration at the precinct was relaxed and Olivia was feeling pretty cheerful. The paper coffee cups weren't exactly glamorous but it was nice to be together for once without a heavy case to discuss.

'So,' Melinda asked her, 'you're working tomorrow?'

Olivia nodded. 'We drew the short straw BUT. Christmas Eve I'm off to the Bahamas!'

'Hmmm. Good for you!' Melinda said, and looking at Olivia's happy face she asked, 'With whom?'

Olivia grinned even wider but looked away briefly before saying vaguely, 'A friend.'

The both laughed and Melinda concluded that Olivia was 'taking the fifth' and would not tell her anything else.

Olivia just nodded and laughed again. She was enjoying her newfound love too much to let anyone else know about it just yet. Alex and the Captain knew and that was enough for now. It was all still so fresh and she didn't want to jinx it.

Unexpectedly, Fin's ex-wife walked in and the squad found themselves wrapped up in a personal case right before Christmas. They all stepped up to help naturally, but the substitute ADA was anything but cooperative. They continued working the case all Sunday and it was beginning to look like they weren't going to get Fin's ex-brother in law home for Christmas unless they caught the real perps. Everyone knew the guy was innocent but those were the rules.

Elliot called her Sunday evening, asking how things were going. She was really looking forward to going away with him but they had caught an additional case and she wasn't sure they would be able to wrap it up in time. They were still waiting for a warrant to arrest the priest who had abused the sister of one of their perps. Elliot knew how determined she was to get justice for the victims and she wanted to give the girl closure by finally arresting the priest that had abused her. They were flying out a little after midnight and he really hoped she would be able to make it. But he knew not to push her.

She could see Nick glancing at her a few times from across the squad room, while she spoke softly on the phone. She told Elliot she would be home as soon as possible and ended the call. Nick didn't say anything, he just checked his watch and returned to his desk to finish some paperwork. Olivia knew he was on edge too about the case. Cases that involved his church were always sensitive. She remembered how they used to affect Elliot the same way. Nick had turned out to be a very dedicated detective, and a great partner as well.

...

Half an hour later, Nick got a call. Good news at last. He told her, 'That was Fin. Sam's free. He's on his way home.'

'A Christmas miracle!' Olivia sighed.

Nick checked his watch again. 'Hey, and you'll make your flight.' he told her.

Olivia hesitated.

'Yeah ... I'm not going anywhere until we get a warrant for Menendez from judge Harrison.'

'Liv! Go. I've got this.'

She shook her head and looked down at her paperwork. 'Can't.'

Nick walked over to her, saying 'You put off your vacation till there are no bad guys left th-...'

'I know ... I know, but I ...'

'Alright, you know what.'

Nick grabbed her phone and keys from her drawer. He dropped her purse on the desk and held out her phone and keys.

'This is my Christmas gift.'

He put the phone and keys on her desk as well. She looked at her things and hesitated again. 'Really?'

'Yeah, really. Come on.' He took her jacket, motioning her to stand up and put it on.

Olivia let him help her put the jacket on but muttered, 'I want jewellery next year.'

She grabbed her things.

'Look, I have my phone with me. I'm not turning it off. If you need anything ...'

Nick cut her off. 'Liv. Enjoy.'

She was grateful. He _was_ a great partner.

'Merry Christmas Nick,' she said and she hugged him.

'You too Liv.'

She walked away, starting to run once she realized she was actually going on vacation with Elliot. She called him quickly to let him know she was on her way home. He told her everything was packed and she could just switch cars and they would be off to the airport. Nick called her once he got the warrant because he knew she would worry about it. They were already on the plane and she thanked Nick for letting her know.

'You enjoy your vacation Liv.'

'Okay.'

'You've earned it.'

She ended the call and smiled at Elliot when he put his hand over hers. Now she could finally let go of work. He leaned in and gave her a gentle kiss on the cheek. He knew it would take some time for all the work stuff to wash off of her but they were on their way now and he would make sure she had the best, most relaxing time of her life this week. He grinned when he thought of the surprises he had in store for her. She didn't really like surprises but he was certain she would love what he had planned.

...

 **I hope this is still interesting. I want the couple to have some uncomplicated time before ... you know ... any complications arise. Please leave a review! The general direction of the story is set but I have room to fit in a few requests yet :)**


	18. Chapter 18

18.

Olivia had nodded off on the plain and Elliot gave her a gentle nudge and a few soft kisses on the cheek to wake her up once the plain had landed. It was still early in the morning so they had the whole day to get settled in their hotel and get familiar with their new surroundings. It was strange for Olivia to simply follow someone else's lead. Elliot had made all the arrangements and had even packed both their suitcases. She had no idea where they were going so all she could do was tag along. It wasn't like her to have no control over the situation but it turned out to be surprisingly easy this time. Elliot was so confident and he seemed to know exactly what he was doing. It felt good. Safe. She trusted him.

Once they got up to their hotel room, Elliot suggested she take a shower and get out of her work clothes at last. She realized she had no idea which clothes he had packed for her. He knew what she was thinking and told her he would lay something out for her. She smiled and surprised herself again by agreeing, and stepped into the shower.

When she got out of the bathroom, a huge hotel towel wrapped around her, she didn't see Elliot. But she did see the clothes he had laid out for her on the bed. He had even chosen her underwear. She didn't recognize the summer dress at all. It was very light yellow with vertical lines of very tiny bright yellow and red flowers, the lines about 2 inches apart. The top was tight but not too tight, with spaghetti straps. The skirt was wide and stopped only a few inches above her ankles. Elliot seemed to think she needed a white push-up bra with that, with matching panties. The gold-coloured sandals she did recognize. To complete her outfit, he had laid out a soft, red cape wrap to cover her shoulders. The weather was always great in the Bahamas but it could sometimes get a little chilly too, especially early in the morning and later at night. He really had thought of everything.

The dress fitted perfectly and she was admiring herself in the mirror when Elliot came back into the room. She turned around and smiled widely. He took her in and nodded, very content with what he was seeing. Her cleavage was as impressive as he had expected. Every man would be jealous of him.

'When did you get this dress for me El?' she asked. She walked over to him and put her arms around him. 'It's beautiful.'

 _'You_ are beautiful,' Elliot said and he kissed her nose. 'and that is why the dress looks so good. Remember that Liv.'

He was sweet and corny and she loved it. She kissed him and enjoyed feeling his strong arms around her. He started pushing her towards the bed when she stopped him.

'El. I thought we were going downstairs to have breakfast.'

He grunted and pulled away from her reluctantly. She was right. And he could see she was still tired. Maybe they would have time for a nap later.

They walked downstairs to the restaurant of the hotel. The hotel was simple but elegant and their arrangement included breakfast each morning. The restaurant was low key but it was very neat and the staff was friendly. They expected to be away from the hotel a lot anyway and they both did not need a lot of luxury. They sat down at one of the tables and Elliot looked at his beautiful companion. They were actually here.

Olivia looked at her handsome companion. They were actually here. If someone had told her two months earlier she would be in a hotel on the Bahamas with Elliot by Christmas, she would have had them institutionalized. She let her eyes wander when he got up to get them both something to eat from the breakfast buffet. He was wearing a white polo shirt and light-blue pants. She admired his muscular arms and back and his solid booty while watching him fill up two plates with enough food to last them until dinner. He looked at her and winked when he caught her staring. She looked away and smiled shyly.

He could tell that she had not completely left New York and SVU yet. But she was relaxing and she was definitely enjoying the food. He grinned when she looked at him, chewing on a rather big bite of her bread roll.

'What?' she asked, one eyebrow raised.

'You want a refill?' he asked, glancing at her plate, which was almost empty already. 'I didn't realize you were _that_ hungry.'

She swallowed and took a sip of her orange juice before replying, 'Well, I just have a feeling I will need to keep my strength up. You've been staring at me every since I put this dress on.'

He laughed out loud and she smiled . He had such a great laugh.

'Actually,' he said, while leaning over the table, 'I'm not really staring at the dress.'

His gaze dropped from her eyes to her cleavage.

'That's what I mean! And I thought we were going sightseeing,' she pouted.

'What I am seeing is a sight,' he said softly and she could feel her body reacting to his voice as well as his stare.

'El, now I can't eat anymore!' she said softly, pretending to be upset while shifting in her seat. He laughed again and leaned all the way over to kiss her gently on the lips.

'I love you so much woman,' he whispered against her mouth.

She pulled back a little and glanced around to see if anyone was looking at them, but the other guests were all minding their own business.

'Just ignore them,' Elliot said and he kissed her again.

She still wasn't used to him like this. He was so tender and ever since they had started talking on the phone, he hadn't lost his temper once. She was almost expecting them to have their first fight on vacation.

'What are you thinking about now,' Elliot asked her. Her face had turned serious again and he could almost hear the wheels turning in her head.

She shook her head. 'Nothing really. I'm just still getting used to this ... us,' she said, moving her fork between the two of them. 'We haven't even had a proper fight yet.'

'You're serious.'

'Yeah, I'm serious.'

Elliot took a deep breath and breathed out slowly. She squinted while looking at him, wondering if he would actually become angry right now. But he surprized her again when he said, 'Liv, what on earth would we fight about? We're on the Bahamas for Christmas. I have nothing in the world to be angry about. I'm here with you and that's all I need.'

She had to swallow a small lump in her throat before she could tell him, 'You're so sweet. Are you sure you aren't Elliot's long lost twin brother?'

Elliot sat back and shook his head in amazement. She still didn't get it. From the moment they had shared their very first kiss, all of his pent up anger and frustration had virtually dissolved. He had poured all of it out in his love for her and their amazing sex life. Granted, he was completely addicted to _her_ now, but as long as he got his doses regularly, he believed nothing would get him enraged anymore. The only thing that would resurrect the monster in him would be if someone were to harm one of his loved ones.

'So,' he said pensively, while watching her closely to read her reactions. 'You aren't going to believe this is all real until we survive a real fight?'

She wasn't sure if that was what she meant. She believed this was real, she just wasn't sure it was always going to be like this. He told her it probably would _not_ always be like this. He realized that she honestly had never been in a real long-term relationship. There was a slight shock in her eyes and he knew he needed to explain it to her better.

'Liv, listen.' He put his hands over hers on the table. 'You will find out over time that there are different stages in relationships. I don't think we will still be jumping all over each other when we're in our eighties. We will have an argument sooner or later too, but hey,' he sqeezed her hands before continuing, 'I think we had the 'arguing and still not giving up on each other' down pat even before we became a couple, don't you agree?'

She had to agree. They were the best at fighting and they were the best at staying loyal to each other in spite of it. He was right. No need to pick a fight to confirm that. A real relationship might be new for her but they already had such a long history together. They would be okay.

After breakfast they went out for a walk, to get acquainted with the area around their hotel. The beach was only a ten minute walk away. They took off their shoes and walked along the water for quite some time, just enjoying not having anything to worry about. Every now and then they stopped, either to take a few steps into the sea or to just hug and kiss each other. Elliot laughed when Olivia's dress got wet when she ventured a little too far into the water and was surprised by a wave. She came running back to him and he wrapped his arms around her. She turned around in his arms and they looked out over the calm sea together.

Olivia enjoyed feeling his warm chest against her back and did not object when he let his hands slide up from her stomach until they covered her breasts. He kissed her neck and she turned her head to kiss him on the lips. His thumbs grazed the exposed skin of her cleavage and she deepened the kiss. After a few moments Elliot broke off the kiss, telling her softly that they should stop, unless she wanted him to rip her dress off of her right there. She laughed and decided that they should not do that in broad daylight.

'Hmmmm, so you would be up for it at night?' he asked her, while reluctantly letting go of her. She punched him in the shoulder and laughed.

'We'll see, Stabler. We'll see.'

They stopped for a cup of coffee and then walked back to the hotel. Olivia had been jawning and Elliot suggested taking a nap so she would be rested before dinner.

'You are joining me, aren't you?' she asked.

'I'd love to Olivia, but I really mean for you to get some rest. You need it. I promise I'll keep my hands to myself.'

She smiled, not sure if she would want him to keep his hands to himself. She was tired but they had not spent the last three nights together and she missed being close to him. When they were back in their room, she quickly changed into her favourite big shirt, which was actually one of Elliot's. She was still amazed at all the things Elliot had packed for her. He was unpacking their suitcases, putting their clothes in the closet and toiletries in the bathroom. He really had thought of everything.

He kept busy unpacking while Olivia got into bed. He wanted her to rest but he wasn't sure if he would be able keep his promise, so he was hoping she would doze off before he joined her. When he finally turned around to look at her in the king-size bed, she was leaning against the headboard, looking straight at him. The look in her eyes was one of impatience, love and lust and his heartbeat accelerated immediately. He tried to convince her to get some sleep first but there was no way he could resist her right now if she wanted him. He hesitated at the foot of the bed but when she pulled her shirt off and whispered 'Come here,' his resolve evaporated.

...

 **And I thought I would just fit their vacation in one chapter ... Can't be done. Stay tuned for more.**  
 **Do leave a review, whether you are enjoying the story so far or not.  
**


	19. Chapter 19

**This is part 2 of our favourite couple's vacation on the Bahamas. I want to 'adapt'/'complete' a few more episodes like I did in chapter 17 before this story comes to a conclusion. Any ideas?** **Also, there will be some trouble ahead, of course.** **Do leave your comments, they are always appreciated!**

19.

They made love as if it was their first time all over again, discovering new little things the other one liked and didn't like. When Elliot felt Olivia relax in his arms, he pulled the covers over her so she could finally rest. She fell asleep almost instantly and he marvelled at how much she was at ease with him. How much she trusted him. He knew trusting people didn't come naturally to Olivia. He looked at her face, wanting to remember every inch of it. She had fine wrinkles around her eyes, showing her experience in life more than her actual age. He thought she was more beautiful now than she was 13 years ago, when he first laid eyes on her. She had always been strong but he had seen her grow over the years. As a detective and as a person. He was proud of it. Proud to have been her partner and proud to have been part of her growth.

His only regret was the pain he had caused when he disappeared from her life. He had explained it to her to the best of his abilities but his explanation could not undo the pain she had suffered. All he could do now was try and make her happy every day and make sure she wasn't hurt again. They would probably find something to fight about eventually but he wasn't worried about it. He could only hope Olivia wouldn't freak out and run. So he'd better make sure she had enough to run back to if she did decide to try and bail out. He smiled when he thought of what he still had in store for her. He relaxed as well and soon he fell asleep, still holding Olivia safely in his arms.

...

'El, what should I wear to dinner? Why can't you just tell me where we are going?'

Olivia was flipping through the outfits in their closet, a little annoyed that she wasn't getting a say in anything they were doing so far. Well, almost anything ... She did have Elliot wrapped around her little finger in the bedroom. But now he wouldn't tell here where they were going for dinner, only that they were going out. She finally decided on a simple blue top with short sleeves and a V-neck, and elegant black pants. She put on her black high-heeled pumps and pinned her hair up loosely. Some pink lip gloss and she was ready to go. Wherever they were going.

Elliot enjoyed taking care of things for Olivia. She didn't know their plans so she couldn't worry about them. They walked into town and he took her to an Italian restaurant.

'Pizza, El?' she asked him with a smile.

He grinned. Sure, it wasn't very exotic but they both loved pizza, so why not? They were seated at a table for two at the window and the waiter brought them the menu. He asked what they would like to drink and suggested wine. Olivia glanced at Elliot. He smiled at her reassuringly.

'You can have some wine if you want Liv. It doesn't bother me.'

She agreed to have one glass of red wine but changed to water after that. Other than the drinks, it almost felt like old times. Olivia thought that she might actually start enjoying not knowing what they were going to do or where they were going to go. She was feeling relaxed and let out a content sigh after dinner.

'Any more surprises today?' she asked her companion.

'Wait and see,' Elliot said with a determined edge to his voice. She knew there would be no point in asking him about it any further. They walked back to the hotel hand in hand, enjoying the cooler breeze and she was looking forward to a good night's sleep. When they got back to their room, Elliot disappeared into the bathroom immediately.

'El, please hurry. I have to go too,' she called after him. After a few minutes he came back out, holding a bag behind his back. Olivia raised one eyebrow but decided not to say anything. That man and his surprises ... She kicked off her heels, used the bathroom and freshened up a little before going back to the room. She blinked when she saw what Elliot had done in the few minutes she had been away.

All of the lights in the room were switched off and there were several candles lit on their nightstands. He had removed the covers from the bed and had laid out one of the big hotel towels on her side of the bed. He was holding a big bottle of massage oil and gestured towards the bed with his arm while he said, 'Welcome, miss Benson. Are you ready for your massage?'

'El, you didn't have to go through so much trouble ...' she muttered but he walked over to her and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

'Shhh. I just want you to have the most relaxing vacation of your life. Let me get the last bits of tension out of you so you can really enjoy our week here. Now come on and take your clothes off and get on the bed.'

She complied, feeling a little self-conscious suddenly as she lay down naked on the bed. Elliot had gotten another towel and placed it over her butt.

'This isn't for me Liv, just for you,' he added. He rearranged her pillow so she would lean on it with her chin, allowing her to breathe freely while lying on her stomach.

She tried to relax and when he started massaging her shoulders she stopped thinking. His hands were warm and smooth and the oil smelled great. She moaned softly as he continued rubbing her muscles. He worked on her arms and her shoulders, then her back until he reached her lower back. After that he switched to her legs and Olivia was getting sleepy. He was really good at this. She was completely relaxed now and was just enjoying the feeling of his hands on her skin. He moved back up and reached under the towel to make sure he didn't miss any part of her upper legs. He wrapped his big hands around her thighs and used a little more force to ease the tension in her muscles. He returned to her upper body and used more force on her back and shoulders too until she moaned again.

'That feels so gooood,' she groaned, hoping he would continue a little longer. He did, until every last bit of resistance had left her body and she was feeling completely limp. Elliot walked to the foot of the bed to get the covers. He thought she had fallen asleep and he didn't want her to cool off.

When Olivia felt him draping the sheet and blanket over her, she stirred and turned her face towards him.

'You aren't done, are you?'

He smiled and sat down beside her. 'Disappointed?'

'No, that was just ... _so_ good,' she said softly.

He leaned over and kissed her shoulder. 'Consider it a Christmas gift. You should try and get some more sleep Liv.'

She turned on her side, leaning on one elbow, and let the covers slide down on purpose. His gaze was drawn to her breasts and he held his breath briefly. He had wanted to give her a massage and then carry out the little fantasy she had shared with him on the phone a while ago. But when he had felt her relax and almost fall asleep, he just thought he should let her sleep. He did not want to tire her any more and he knew she needed to rest. The way she was looking at him now, it looked like she wasn't ready to sleep after all. Her brown eyes were fixed on him and his heart skipped a beat when she said seductively, 'I believe you haven't massaged all of me yet Elliot.'

She turned on her back completely and kicked the covers off, only leaving the towel in place that had previously covered her butt. She put a hand on his knee.

'Please continue,' she whispered while brushing her own breast with her other hand, 'before I get too cold.'

'Oh baby,' Elliot growled. He jumped up and pulled off his shirt before picking up the bottle of oil again. She smiled when he rubbed the oil between his hands and knew what he was going to do. He climbed over her, leaving the towel neatly in place, and started rubbing her torso gently. He was certain her breasts didn't need relaxing but he could not resist them. He massaged her shoulders again and tried to stay focused when she started stroking his chest and shoulders too. He kissed her lips softly before picking up the bottle again to get some more oil.

His thumbs were working their magic on her nipples and Olivia was a little frustrated that Elliot was keeping her pinned down so she couldn't get closer to him. He was on his knees, applying some pressure to her thighs with his butt. She held out her hands and he squirted some oil in her hands as well. At least she would be able to do _something_. She rubbed the oil between her hands and then put her hands on his broad chest. She wasn't really trying to relax him and he knew it. She smoothed out the oil on his muscular chest, shoulders and arms, marvelling at how great he looked, his skin shiny in the candlelight. She wanted him closer and pulled him in by his shoulders. The touch of his warm skin on her slippery body was unbelievable. She moaned softly when she felt his hands slip underneath her back and pull her up into a sitting position to kiss her. His kisses were forceful but tender as well. He continued rubbing her back while she tried to pull herself up but he still had her pinned down.

'Why don't you lay back down and let me take care of you,' Elliot said softly and the sound of his voice made her body tingle in various places. She reluctantly let go of him and watched him stand up and take off his pants and socks. She reached for him again, wanting him to jump on top of her but he seemed to have different ideas. He moved to the foot of the bed and pushed her legs apart a little, so he could kneel on the bed between them. He then took the towel that had covered her partially and moved it up, so it covered her torso, stopping at her hips. Even the touch of the towel on her body made her shiver. She was eager to know what Elliot was up to, allowing him to take the lead. She propped up the pillow behind her head, so she could see Elliot position himself between her legs.

'Close your eyes Liv,' he said softly and her body started tingling again, even in places she didn't know could get tingly that way.

She complied, resting her head on the pillow and closing her eyes. The anticipation was killing her. Her muscles were relaxed but her stomach had tensed up in a different way. Then she felt Elliot's lips graze the inside of her left knee. He had pushed her leg up a little so only her foot was resting on the mattress and slowly began to make his way down the inside of her thigh, gently caressing the skin with his lips and his tongue, and biting it softly every now and then.

'O my God!' she gasped, while flashes of excitement shot through her entire body. She clenched her fists and tried to reach for Elliot again, but he was beyond her grasp. he continued kissing her excruciatingly slowly, all the way down to the centre of her excitement. Then he lowered her left leg and quickly switched to her other knee, leaving her breathless for a few seconds, both with disappointment of the brief pause and a heightened arousal once he started moving equally slowly down her other thigh.

Elliot laughed against her tender skin when she started pounding on the mattress with her fists while hissing something unintelligible through her clenched teeth. When he reached her centre again he hesitated before placing a soft kiss in the middle. He wasn't really experienced in the oral department and he was already kind of outside his own comfort zone. Olivia's body jolted at the soft touch of his lips and before he could think of what to do next, she sat up, grabbed his forearms and pulled him on top of her.

'Please El,' she whispered in his ear. 'Now!'

He could barely manage to pull the towel out from between them before crashing on top of her. She wasn't kidding when she said this would get her going extremely fast! She wrapped her legs around him, making it perfectly clear what she wanted. He was ready too and got rid of his briefs quickly to give her all he had. She let out a loud moan when he entered her and he knew this would be over quickly - again. But the foreplay had been amazing and he had learned some new things today.

Olivia marvelled at the feeling of Elliot's body merging with hers. He was a perfect fit and he could make her soar higher and push her over the edge quicker than any man had before. They reached a new high together within minutes and she was gasping for air when he slumped over her, completely drained but so happy. He kissed her neck and she kissed his cheek, just holding him as close to her as possible. She never wanted to let go of him again. When she was finally able to speak again, she told him, 'El, that was so good. You remembered ...'  
He nuzzled his face in her hair and whispered, still out of breath, 'Of course I remembered. Anything for you Liv, anything for you.'

After calming down a little, he got up to find their covers and pulled them over their naked bodies. They blew out the candles together and settled in for the night.

Elliot pulled her close to him and whispered, 'Merry Christmas Liv.'

She kissed him softly and replied, 'Merry Christmas El.'

...


	20. Chapter 20

20.

The week went by too quickly. Elliot surprised Olivia with another stunning dress that she wore to dinner at a Greek restaurant, and a golden necklace with a beautiful pendant shaped as the letter O. They went swimming in the sea and had a few lazy days on the beach. They became very creative with the suntan lotion and received some disapproving glances of other guests with young children. So they went back after dark and finished what they had started during the day, making love in the sand underneath the stars. At the hotel, Olivia gave Elliot a massage once as well, but he turned on his back halfway through it and turned it into another oil-covered love making session. They decided the massage oil was definitely staying.

On their last morning they were both quiet. They would be returning to real life very soon.

'I don't want to go home,' Olivia said softly. They had just finished packing and were sitting on the bed together.

'Me neither,' Elliot admitted. 'Lets just move here and never go back!'

She laughed. 'You couldn't stay away from your kids indefinitely,' she pointed out.

She was right. They would have to go back. He sighed and put his arm around her, kissing her temple while pulling her close.

'Let's do this then. Time to check out.'

...

They were home before New Year's eve. It was cold in New York and they longed to be back in the sun. As soon as they got back, Olivia received an invitation from Alex to go to a new year party in the city. Elliot was invited by Maureen to be with her and her husband. The other kids would be there too and he was invited for dinner. Maureen had arranged it so he could be with all of them including Eli. He really wanted to bring Olivia too but she didn't want to intrude. He assured her she wouldn't be intruding. After all, her kids all knew her and he thought it was about time they knew about their relationship.

Olivia was nervous. They were at her apartment and Elliot wanted an answer. Things were getting very real now. Their relationship? It would be out in the open. Part of her wanted it to be but another big part of her wanted to just go to the party with Alex and keep their secret for a bit longer. She was leaning against the counter in the kitchen and he was standing in the middle of the living room.

'Are you embarrassed?' Elliot asked her point blank.

'What? No!' He should not think that. 'Why would I be embarrassed?'

Elliot shrugged. 'Well, you know. People have been talking about us for years. Maybe you don't want them to think they were right all along?'

Maybe she would have worried a little about that if there hadn't been an 18 month gap, but not now.

'I don't care what people _think_ , Elliot. But I do care about how your kids will feel about it.'

He walked over to her and wrapped his arms around her waist.

'I'm sure they will be very happy for us. They've practically known you their entire lives.'

He was right but she was still nervous. The children knew that Kathy was the one who had destroyed their parents' rocky marriage in the end. Not Elliot and certainly not her. There may have been some concern about their dad and his partner but in the end, Elliot had always stayed true to his vows. Until Kathy broke hers. Kathy was away with her boyfriend for a few days so there was nothing standing in their way anymore. Elliot called Maureen to tell her he would be bringing someone over. Maureen said it was okay but she was very curious who he was bringing. He had decided not to tell the kids yet it was Olivia, just to prove to her that they would actually be totally happy to find out it was her.

Olivia was fiddling with the hem of her skirt on the drive to Maureen's place. She was wearing the dark blue gown Elliot had given her in the Bahamas. Elliot glanced at her and could see she was tense. He placed his right hand over her hands to reassure her but he was a little on edge himself. They were stepping out into the open now and he couldn't help worrying about Olivia. What if she got scared and wanted to run? She smiled at him and he could see the love in her eyes. She loved him. She would not run. Would she?

He pulled up in Maureen's driveway and shut down the engine. They sat in silence for half a minute. This was it. After tonight, everyone would know. Elliot reached over to Olivia and pulled her into a hug. She kissed him softly on the cheek and he looked into her eyes.

'Don't worry Olivia. I've got your back.' he said, and she smiled.

'I love you Elliot,' she said, swallowing the lump in her throat. She kissed him on the lips and he moaned softly. He pulled her even closer and kissed her more passionately. It would be a while before he could kiss her like that again. From the corner of her eye, Olivia saw movement at the front door of the house and broke off the kiss.

'El, look,' she whispered, motioning towards the two blonde young women that were looking at them.

'Shit,' Elliot muttered while letting go of her and he got out of the car quickly.

'Hey dad!' Elizabeth and Kathleen shouted simultaneously. Elliot quickly jogged around the car to open the door for Olivia. She stepped out of the car with several knots in her stomach and watched for a reaction from the two blondes.

'Olivia?' she heard Kathleen say softly. 'O my God, it's Olivia!'

She ran over to the car and ran right into Olivia, wrapping her arms around her.

'It's so great to see you!' she exclaimed, still hugging her father's former partner. Olivia returned the hug. She didn't know what to say. Elizabeth approached them a little bit slower and hugged her father first. Then she turned to Olivia. She was only 19 but looked very wise for her age. She held out a hand to Olivia and finally spoke.

'So, _you_ are dad's date?'

Olivia took her hand and squeezed it slightly.

'Yes, I am Elizabeth. How do you feel about that?'

The young woman glanced at her father, who seemed a little tense as well, and then looked at Olivia again.

'Well, I must say I'm glad it's you and not some random hook-up.'

'Lizzy!' Elliot said. 'I have never had random hook-ups. Why would you say such a thing.'

'Dad! She's just kidding,' Kathleen interjected. 'Aren't you, Lizzy? Isn't it great that Olivia is here?'

Olivia wasn't sure Elizabeth was as thrilled as her older sister. But the younger girl nodded and gave them a half-smile.

'Sure it is. Come on in. Everyone is here already.'

Olivia glanced sideways at Elliot when he took her hand in his while they walked to the house. He squeezed her hand gently and his eyes told her not to worry. They took off their coats and entered the living room. Before they had time to look around and see who were in the room, young Eli came running towards them.

'Daddyyy!' he yelled. Elliot scooped up his youngest son and lifted him up above his head.

'Eliiii!' he yelled back. The young boy giggled and squirmed when Elliot started to tickle him. Olivia watched them and smiled. Then she looked at the other people in the room. Maureen had just walked in from the kitchen and was walking towards her.

'Olivia, it's you! It's so good to see you!' she said. Maureen was the oldest but also the smallest of the Stabler children, aside from Eli of course. She gave Olivia a warm hug and smiled up at her.

'So are you and dad an item now?'

She got right to the point, and it was suddenly quiet in the room. Everyone wanted to know the answer to the question. Elliot cleared his throat and stood next to Olivia. He put an arm around her shoulders and looked at his children.

'Yes, we are. How 'bout that?'

He smiled widely and Olivia smiled as well, albeit a little insecurely. Richard got up from the chair he had been sitting in and walked over to the couple.

'And for how long has this been going on?' he asked, a glint of suspicion in his eyes. Olivia realized how much the young man looked like his father.

Elliot looked at her, then said it had been about five weeks. She nodded. That would be about right, counting their numerous phone calls before they actually hooked up.

'Really?' Richard asked, still eyeing Olivia.

Olivia straightened her spine and looked the young man in the eye.

'Yes Richard, really. I hadn't seen your father since he retired. We only just met up again last month. And it's nice to see you too.'

Elliot tightened his grip on her shoulder a bit. The twins obviously weren't as thrilled as their older sisters but he would have her back. No way he was going to let his kids chase her away. He knew she wasn't the best at claiming a space for herself. She was holding her ground now though, not backing down under the scrutiny of his son. He realized she was giving Richard the same stare she would use in the interrogation room.

Richard seemed to relax a little bit and gave her a small smile.

'Well, I guess congratulations are in order then.' he told them and held out his hand. Olivia accepted it and Elliot pulled his son into a hug.

'Dad!' Richard protested but at 19 he still was no match for his father, who pretended to put a head lock on him before letting him go. They both laughed and Maureen's husband Harrison finally walked up to them to shake their hands.

'Welcome Olivia. I have heard only good things about you,' he said politely. He invited them to choose their seats at the dinner table, and everyone scurried around the table. Maureen and Kathleen had prepared everything and put the food on the table. Soon, everyone was chatting and eating, and Elliot squeezed Olivia's knee under the table. She smiled at him and he knew she would be alright.

...

After dinner, Olivia got up to help the girls clean up. Maureen insisted that she didn't need to, she was their guest. But Olivia started collecting the silverware anyway and Maureen stopped protesting. Elliot joined the others in the living room, knowing she would be safe with Maureen and Kathleen. Eli was pounding on the remote control of the TV, looking for something they could all watch while waiting for the new year to begin. This would be the first time he was allowed to stay up until midnight and he was very excited. He was only five and Elliot wondered if he would be able to stay awake that long.

When the three women returned from the kitchen, Kathleen announced that coffee would be ready soon. Elliot looked at Olivia, who was deciding where to sit. Harrison had dragged a few dining room chairs into the living room so everyone could sit. Eli and the twins were on the couch and Elliot was in one of the two matching armchairs. She chose one of the dining room chairs next to the couch. He smiled when she looked at him and she reassured him without words. It was alright. She was alright.

The evening went well. They all laughed together, watching some silly TV show and Olivia could see how much Elliot enjoyed having all his children around him. Eli was getting sleepy and was slouching on his father's lap while Elliot was in an animated discussion with Harrison about football. Kathleen was texting with her latest boyfriend and even showed her a few of the messages. Maureen managed to get the twins to help her serve drinks. Olivia just took it all in. She had never had a family and she wasn't sure yet if she really belonged here. Elliot's eyes were her beacon. She belonged with him and she would get used to this.

By the time the countdown started, Eli had fallen asleep. Elliot had put him on the couch, where he was sitting now too. He woke the little boy up so he wouldn't miss the fireworks and when Eli jumped up to join in the countdown, Elliot pulled Olivia over to him on the couch. He put his arms around her waist and she smiled. The children were all standing in front of the TV counting down from 30 to 0 and nobody was looking at them. Elliot put his hand on her cheek and turned her face towards his. The countdown had reached 10 when their lips met. They closed their eyes and drifted away into a deep kiss and entered the new year in each others' arms. They didn't hear the cheering once the countdown reached 0, until they heard the children call their names. Everyone laughed when they broke off their kiss and looked around, a little embarrassed.

'Happy New Year dad!' Maureen said, and they quickly got up from the couch. Kathleen wrapped her arms around Olivia and also wished her a happy new year.

'But I guess that won't be a problem, right?' Kathleen smirked. Everyone hugged and then they went out into the yard to watch the fireworks. Elliot kept Eli on his arm and Olivia stood close to him, shivering a little in the cold night air. Richard walked up to her with an overcoat.

'Here Olivia, we don't want you to catch a cold,' he told her. Olivia bit her lip. This meant a lot. Richard helped her put the long coat on over her own short one, and she turned around to face him.

'Thank you Richard.' she said simply, taking his hands in hers and looking into his Stabler-blue eyes.

He nodded, still looking into her eyes.

'You're welcome, Olivia.'

Elliot had watched the exchange and blinked away a few tears. It would be a happy new year indeed.

...

 **Yeah, I corrected Eli's age, I was one year off earlier. How about those kids?  
Coming up: some competition? Please leave a review!**


	21. Chapter 21

**This chapter is linked to "Secrets Exhumed", season 14 episode 14. Dates are January 16 through 18, 2013**

21.

Olivia looked at the man lying in bed with her. He was sleeping on his back and she suspected he might start snoring soon. He was completely relaxed and his broad chest was moving with every breath he took. He was beautiful. Sometimes she would think back to all those years of stealing glances across their desks, wondering what it would feel like to touch him. His muscular chest and arms, his firm butt and his strong but soft face. It seemed like a long time ago. It _was_ a long time ago. Everything was different now.

After the new year celebration at Maureen's they had both gone back to work. They were gradually finding a new rhythm and were actually getting used to being together almost daily. They still alternated between their apartments but it was becoming normal to check in with each other, to let the other one know they would be home late or, in Olivia's case, not at all. She still spent the occasional night in the cribs but it wasn't as automatic as it used to be. She had someone to go home to now.

She slipped out of bed to get ready for work and managed not to wake her snoring beauty on his day off. She had to be on a plane to Miami with Nick early that morning to pick up a suspect in a cold case turned warm, and didn't know when she would be back.

...

The case took her away from home for several days. They continued to sweat the suspect once they got him back to New York but he just wouldn't give it up. Olivia called Elliot a few times and he was less than amused when she told him they had brought Dana Lewis back with them from Miami.

'Remind me not to go anywhere near her,' Elliot scoffed. 'I don't want to get shot or blown up again.'

Olivia laughed and promised him she would not let Dana come within a mile from him.

'From who?' Dana asked, and Olivia jumped a little. She had not heard Dana walk up to her outside the interrogation room. 'Don't tell me you were talking to detective Stabler there? He's such a wuss, says I keep putting him in mortal danger.'

Olivia glanced around quickly, hoping nobody heard Dana's comment. Dana looked around as well.

'Where is he anyway?' she asked.

'Dana, Elliot resigned some time ago. In case you haven't noticed, I have a new partner.'

'Yeah, I did notice him. He's mighty cute,' Dana drawled. 'He taken?'

Olivia laughed, relieved that the topic had changed so quickly.

'Honey, you have about fifteen years on him. I doubt he'd be interested in either of us!'

Dana turned around, thinking it over and Olivia took the opportunity to go back into the interrogation room. On the second day of the interrogation, things took an unexpected turn and Olivia ended up extracting a confession to manslaughter from a hardass, dedicated FBI agent - Dana herself. She couldn't believe Dana had covered up her crime of passion and had gone on with her life for twenty-five years as if it had never happened. She used to think Dana and she were so alike. They had known each other for ages. She just couldn't believe what people would do for love. _Hell has no fury like a woman scorned_. Dana turned out to be the epitome of that saying and Olivia had not seen that coming at all.

She began wondering if maybe that kind of jealousy was inside everyone. Would she respond with such rage if her man ever rejected her and chose someone else over her? Someone he had been cheating on her with? Or would she just break and never heal again? In stead of going home, she decided to go to their usual watering hole with the guys. She really needed a drink and something else to think about. There were some detectives and officers from other precincts as well and she was getting a lot of free drinks. Nick and Fin excused themselves around ten but Olivia and Amanda didn't feel like leaving yet. Amanda looked like she was enjoying all the attention and free drinks as well.

Then Olivia saw a familiar figure entering the bar and she waved at him.

'Who's he?' Amanda asked with a grin. 'Am I finally meeting your boyfriend?'

Olivia scrunched up her nose. Brian Cassidy was definitely not her boyfriend. She shook her head as Brian approached them.

'No Amanda, you're not. Remember Brian Cassidy? The Ganzel case?'

She got up to greet Brian. 'Bri, you remember detective Rollins.'

Brian grinned and shook Amanda's hand.

'Nice to meet you again, detective,' he said. He then turned to Olivia and pulled her into a hug. 'Liv. You look beautiful as ever,' he said softly.

Amanda raised an eyebrow but said nothing. Brian pulled up a barstool and sat right next to Olivia. They chatted a while and Brian ordered more drinks. Olivia was getting a little tipsy but she was having fun. She needed it after the gruelling discovery that Dana Lewis was in fact a murderer. She did not want to think about how far people would go for love - or lust, or whatever it was. Brian was uncomplicated, and she enjoyed not having to think about anything serious for a while. She didn't mind that he put his hand on her thigh or his arm around her shoulders a few times. She considered him a friend, and completely harmless. She laughed when he would not let go of her when her phone rang and she squirmed when he reached behind her to take the phone from her back pocket. She tried to snatch it from his hand quickly so he wouldn't see the caller ID, but they were both a little clumsy due to their alcohol intake and the phone dropped to the floor.

Elliot was surprised when he heard a lot of noise and scuffling. He had called Olivia to ask her how she was doing but he didn't quite understand what he was hearing. He did hear her laughing in the background and then closer to the phone.

 _'Brian, if it's broken you are in deep trouble!'_

 _'Hey, don't worry Liv. I'll buy you a new one.'_

 _'Bri, don't ... shit ... stop it ...'_

He heard them laughing and then the call was disconnected. Elliot stared at his phone. What the hell?  
He was trying very hard not to get angry but he felt his heart pounding in his chest. What was she up to? Why hadn't she called him that she was running late and who the hell was she with? Brian? Who was Brian? He jumped up and started pacing while he dialled her number again. She had better pick up right away ...

Olivia was fumbling with her phone, trying to see whose call she had missed when it rang again. It was Elliot. She tried to move away from their table but Brian held her in place, wanting to see who was calling her.

'Brian, let go of me!' she said sternly, hoping he would get the hint. He released her quickly, which must mean she had given him her badass glare, and she stumbled a bit while answering her phone quickly.

'Hey, I ... I'm sorry you got disconnected. It's a bit hectic here,' she stammered, putting her hand over her free ear to hear him better.

'Liv, where are you? I thought you were still working.'

'No, we finally cracked the case and went out for drinks.'

'Sounds like quite a celebration. Who are you with?'

His voice sounded tense, a little angry even, but Olivia did't register it fully. She was slurring a little, telling him that _everyone_ was there, and he wondered how much she had been drinking. Then he heard that voice again.

'Come on Liv, you're missing all the fun!'

'Who is _that_!' Elliot spat out.

'It's Brian Cassidy. I told you, _every_ body is here,' she giggled, and it sounded like she was being dragged back into the crowd. Elliot was less than amused. From the sound of it, Brian was all over Olivia and she let him. She _let_ him ... just like all those years ago when they had ended up in bed together. He was still pacing and felt the urge to hit something. He tried to speak calmly but didn't quite manage it when he said in a low voice,

'Liv, I want you to come home right now! Don't make me come and get you!'

Olivia could tell Elliot was a little upset but her mind was too foggy to understand why. She was just unwinding after a hard week, what was the harm in that? And who was he to tell her what to do anyway. Was overpossesive Elliot finally back? While she didn't think she was doing anything wrong, she was getting tired, so she told Elliot she would take a cab and be there soon. That was the easiest way to diffuse the situation and she was actually quite proud of herself that she had not gotten angry with Elliot. They were past that now, right? Brian had slung his arm around Amanda and they both seemed pretty content so she staggered out of the bar to hail a cab.

...

Elliot couldn't sit still and looked at his watch. What was taking her so long? It had been at least thirty minutes already. He couldn't believe she had gone out drinking with Cassidy ... again! He felt something in his gut that he had not felt in a while. The image of Kathy cheating on him flashed through his mind and he jumped up. His possesiveness took over. 'Nobody touches Olivia', he said out loud in the middle of his empty living room. 'She's mine!'

He heard something at the door and yanked the door open without checking who it was. Olivia had been fumbling with her key and was staring at him wide-eyed, startled by his actions and unsteady on her feet. Elliot grabbed her arm and pulled her inside, slamming the door shut behind her. Olivia almost fell and he quickly grabbed her again to keep her from falling. She wrapped her arms around him and smiled.

'Hey baby, did you miss me?' she asked and she pulled him in to kiss him. Elliot tasted liquor on her lips and instinctively pushed her away. He could actually use a drink right now because he was so worked up, and tasting it on her lips didn't help. Olivia frowned and approached him again.

'What's wrong?' she asked, putting her arms around him again. But Elliot stopped her and held her in place by her upper arms. He looked at her attentively, trying to contain his anger. Then he asked her if she was drunk. She tried to laugh it off and tell him she was just a little tipsy, but he didn't believe her.

'Get some sleep Liv. We'll talk in the morning!'

He sounded like a father telling his daughter what to do and it angered her. She was a grown woman and she could do whatever she wanted. She knew she was a little out of control but she was frustrated and could't help raising her voice at him.

'El, you don't know what kind of day I've had! I just needed to unwind! What is your problem!'

'My problem?' he growled and his face was only inches away from hers now. ' My problem?! You ... You just don't get it, do you? I ... I ...'

He caught himself before saying something he would regret later and turned away from her. Olivia was silent. He took a few deep breaths and turned back around to look at her.

'Please, just get some rest.'

He sounded defeated and Olivia didn't know what to say. So she retreated to Elliot's bedroom, expecting him to join her soon. But he didn't. She was asleep in minutes.

Elliot checked after ten minutes to see if she had fallen asleep. Then he quietly pulled a pillow and a blanket from the closed and went back into the living room, crashing on the couch. He tried to regulate his breathing, still upset with Olivia and with himself. He could really use a couple of beers right now and was grateful that he didn't have any in the house. He clenched his fists, thinking of Cassidy's hands on Olivia. This could _not_ happen to him _again_. Not with Olivia. But she was here now, in his bed. _Relax Stabler. Things will look better in the morning. She wouldn't cheat on you - would she?_

...

 **Note: in my world, nothing happened between Olivia and Brian after that one little kiss at the hospital. Brian was still mourning the loss of his girlfriend Carissa, who he was really serious about, remember? But Elliot doesn't know all that, he remembers Olivia's more distant past with 'Bri' ...  
Maybe this development will get more of you guys to review? It's so good for the writer's ego ...**


	22. Chapter 22

**Thanks for all the great reviews. 10 or more of them to the same chapter (by different people, not all guests!) will prompt me to update again if I have a chapter ready!  
** **To Cinderella1268: if you sign up here at ff dot net we can reply to your reviews. They are appreciated, a lot!**

 **Now let's get back to El's apartment, the next morning ...**

22.

Olivia woke up the next morning with a dull headache. She looked around to find she was in Elliot's bedroom, alone. When she got up she felt dizzy and sat back down quickly. Had she really been drinking that much? This sure felt like a hangover. She tried to get on her feet again, slowly this time, and made her way into the bathroom. After using the toilet she washed her hands and looked in the mirror. She looked terrible and she finally noticed she was still wearing her work shirt and even her bra. She had only taken off her shoes and pants the night before. She splashed some water in her face, removing her smudged makeup, and her memory started coming back. She remembered Elliot's angry face, very close to hers. What was that about? And where was he?

She walked out of the bedroom and immediately saw the bedding on the couch. She frowned. Did they have a fight? And if so, what was it about? Fragments of the night before resurfaced and she remembered the phone call with Elliot from the bar. Was he really upset that Brian had been there too?

Elliot was in the kitchen, making breakfast. There was already a glass of water on the counter and some aspirin and she gladly ingested both.

'Thanks,' she said. 'So what's with the couch?'

He barely looked at her and asked, 'Don't you remember?'

She shook her head.

'Not really, no. I know I got here late and you were in a mood. I must have passed out pretty quickly though.'

'A mood?' Elliot spat, and she jumped and blinked at the sudden loudness of his voice. 'You better _believe_ I was in a mood. I'm waiting for you and you are out getting drunk with _Cassidy_? What am I supposed to think Liv! Did you even bother to think how that would make me feel?'

Olivia was stunned and got angry too. She didn't understand what his problem was. And she certainly didn't appreciate the way he was talking to her.

 _'You_?!' she yelled back. 'This is about _you_? How about asking me about _my_ day, huh? I just found out that someone I considered a friend is in fact a murderer. So I needed to blow off some steam. But since this seems to be all about _you_ , I'm sure that doesn't interest you!'

Elliot rounded the counter in a split second and turned her around to face him. She pushed him away from her before he could get in her face again. He stood about three feet away from her and tried to contain his anger while trying to make her understand.

'I call you and find that you are half drunk at a bar with another guy. Someone you have gotten drunk with before and you ended up in bed with him Olivia! The last time someone cheated on me I almost killed myse- ...'

He was cut off by a sharp pain when she slapped him across the face, hard.

Olivia was livid. Never in her life had she cheated on anyone. She didn't have it in her and she couldn't believe Elliot was accusing her of wanting such a thing. He of all people should know her high standards when it came to faithfulness.

She walked past him back to the bedroom without a word and put her pants and her shoes on. She walked past him again, grabbed her coat and walked out the door.

...

Elliot was still standing in the same spot, breathing heavily. It had taken all his willpower not to grab Olivia again both times she had brushed past him. They needed some time apart to think over what happened before they would hurt each other even more. He sat down at the kitchen counter to eat his breakfast slowly, and calmed down a little. His cheek was still hot from where she had slapped him. She did it as soon as he had said the word 'cheated'. As if she would ever do that, or even consider it ... How long had he known her now. She was the most faithful person he had ever met. His own hurt about his wife had made him insecure and he had taken it out on Olivia. Again. Just like old times, when he would take his frustration about just about anything out on her. And she _still_ wouldn't leave him then.

Elliot covered his face with his hands and leaned on the counter with his elbows. What had he done? He wasn't going to lash out at her anymore, right? And here he was, doing exactly that. Out of jealousy. Possessiveness. Again. He started shaking and tried to hold back his tears. It didn't work. Olivia was everything to him. He could not lose her now. His head sunk onto the counter and he let the tears fall.

...

She couldn't believe it. Just when everything was so perfect, he just had to do it. He hadn't changed one bit. It had all been too perfect. She should have known it wouldn't stay that way. Hell, she had even told him as much when they were on vacation. Things were just going too well and now they were back in their old routine at last. Hurt or be hurt. That was their best game. Only now she had tasted it ... tasted _him_. A life with him. It was one thing to dream about what she could never have, but she _did_ have it now. They had spent the last three nights apart and she was already aching for him again. But if he couldn't trust her ... Tears were stinging behind her eyes. What did she do that was so terrible? Was it her fault that Brian had showed up there? Wasn't she entitled to a night out to get over a hard case?

Olivia had taken a shower after returning to her own apartment and was trying to eat something to appease her growling stomach. The effects of her drinking had not subsided completely yet and she needed a lot of water to get some food into her body. She was still thinking about Elliot's completely unreasonable reaction to her running into Brian. Then she realized that Elliot didn't know that Brian had just happened to be there. For al he knew, they had agreed to meet. He didn't even know Amanda had been there too. And she remembered Elliot was wounded. Kathy had injured him severely and he had not healed yet. He should know she could be trusted but he had trusted his wife too, for longer than he had even know _her_. She sighed. They would need to talk about this. But she wasn't sure who should be the one to reach out. She was still hurt and she gathered he was as well.

When she felt a little stronger, she decided to go running. It was the best way to clear her mind and relax her body. She found out quickly that running was not such a good idea after the night she had had. She actually vomited in a trash can and walked back to her building slowly, swaying a little while trying to keep a steady pace. She glanced up at Elliot's building before going inside again. She took another hot shower and climbed into bed. What a waste of her weekend so far.

...

Elliot did not see her leave but he did see her return, in her running gear. He could not suppress a smile. Running with a hangover? Not a good idea. The pain in his chest had subsided for the most part and he was thinking about how to fix things with Olivia. He should apologize, that was obvious. But he also wanted her to understand. Yes, he was possessive. Always had been. And jealous, that too. What he needed to tell her was that aside from being possessive and jealous he was also scared. It wasn't easy to admit that but he was scared out of his mind to lose her again. Not that being scared warranted his behaviour. It didn't, but he wanted her to know. To understand, like he wanted to understand her. And he was scared of the effects of alcohol, that he had gotten to know only too well. He didn't want her to get drunk and not be aware of what she was doing anymore. And he didn't want to turn to the bottle himself to assuage his own fears, his worst nightmare, losing her again. They were never very good at discussing their feelings, most especially their own weaknesses, but they had come such a long way already. He would have to try.

He went out for some groceries and when he passed a flower stand he made a decision. This had worked before, so why not again? After returning home he used his binoculars to see if Olivia was up yet. He grinned at himself for returning to his stalking routine. He saw no movement in her living room and headed over. He returned to his apartment quickly and checked hers again. Still nothing. He waited about an hour before sending her a text message.

 _'Check your door. El.'_

...

Much to her own surprise, Olivia had actually gotten a few hours of sleep. She still felt a little groggy but she was able to hold down some more food now. It was about 3 pm when she wandered back into her living room and checked her phone. She was relieved when she saw she had a text from Elliot, and that he was the first to make contact again. She should check her door? What was that about? She looked out the window at his apartment but she didn't see him. He wasn't right outside her door, was he? She felt her heart rate pick up a little when she walked to her door and she shook her head. That man, he was still getting to her like that? She looked through the peephole but didn't see anyone so she opened the door cautiously. Nothing. She ran a hand trough her hair and was going to close the door again when it hit her. She took a few steps into the hallway and checked the doorknob. And sure enough, there was a red rose. With a note.

Her hands were trembling when she took took rose inside. She closed the door and leaned against it to read the note.

 _'I trust you.'_

Her chin began to tremble and tears welled in her eyes. She really needed that. She tried to take a deep breath but her chest was too tight and she let out a sob instead. A few tears started falling and she wiped them away quickly. He'd better trust her, she thought, still not completely over her own indignation about his accusation. She walked to the kitchen to fill the vase with fresh water for the rose, trying not to start crying. She set the rose in the vase and then noticed there was something on the back of the little note as well. She swallowed hard when she read it.

 _'I am just so scared.'_

Olivia pressed a hand against her mouth. She knew exactly what he meant - because she was feeling the exact same thing. What they had was so enormous, that they simply could not lose it. She would never get over it, and apparently Elliot wouldn't either. And like he said, they had been the best at arguing and still not giving up on each other for years. They would have to talk more - not yell - whenever one of them was insecure about something. She let the tears fall freely now. This was getting real. More real than any relationship she had ever had. And she was scared to death as well. It was all new to her while at the same time she knew Elliot so well. He was going to be jealous and possessive, that was not going to change. She would have to learn how to deal with it without letting him control her. And he would have to learn to _really_ trust her and not _try_ to control her. After calming down a little she realized she really wanted to see him. She _needed_ to see him. It would be a big step to try and work through these issues in stead of giving each other the silent treatment for a few days - like they used to do. It was frightening but in stead of running away from it, she wanted to run _to_ him this time.

...

Elliot's had been cleaning out his kitchen to keep busy and had just come across a half-empty bottle of scotch. It had been hidden behind all kinds of other stuff in one of the cupboards. He was leaning against the sink, staring at the bottle when his phone buzzed in his back pocket. He quickly put the bottle back in the cupboard and pulled his phone from his pocket. It was a text message from Olivia:

 _'Can I come over? Liv.'_

...

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	23. Chapter 23

23.

Elliot called her right after receiving her text message and asked her to _please_ come over.

'I can't stand this Liv. I know I shouldn't have gotten so angry, I ...'

'It's okay El. I think I understand. I'm on my way.'

She hurried across the street, once again thankful that he lived so close by now. Elliot was already standing in the doorway of his apartment when she got there and she walked straight into his arms. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close to him immediately while closing the door behind her.

'I'm so sorry Liv. I overreacted,' he said softly.

Olivia just held on to him while trying not to cry. When she turned her head to look at him she saw he was also emotional. She hid her face in the crook of his neck again and he stroked her back while she sighed a few times, and then finally let a few tears fall. She cried softly.

Elliot had never seen Olivia like this, so vulnerable. It moved him and it also empowered him. She was really opening up to him. To _him_. He kissed her cheek softly while she tried desperately to stop crying.

'You ... you hurt me El,' she finally said, her voice still very shaky. Then she smiled through her tears and pushed against his chest with both hands. 'And I _hate_ you for it! But I love you anyway.'

'I love you too Liv. I think I'm in over my head here. I ...'

He swallowed a huge lump in his throat and almost whispered when he said, 'I just can't lose you.'

Olivia put her hands on his cheeks and gave him a gentle kiss.

'Then don't push me away El. We need to talk about this ...'

Her lips were still quivering but he could tell she was finding her balance again. _Out comes the strong Olivia_ , he thought and he was glad. He didn't really know what to do with vulnerable Olivia yet. They walked over to the couch and sat down, facing each other. Elliot took Olivia's hands in his and asked her,

'What do you want me to say?'

'Just help me understand El. And try to understand me, too.'

He nodded and they talked. It felt strange but good to open up further, for both of them. Elliot managed to explain to Olivia that he may have overreacted but that his experience with Kathy, combined with his ever present jealousy, had made him freak out. Not because he didn't trust her but because he was so afraid.

'I'm so scared of losing you, that it scares me,' he added and he smiled at his own choice of words. 'I want to trust you completely. I'm trying ... it's not you Liv, it's me. It's just ... what I've been through. Please bear with me, okay?'

Olivia put a hand on his cheek and he closed his eyes.

'I am trying to understand Elliot. You bear with me too, okay? Just don't try to tell me what to do. I'm a big girl.'

He smiled and nodded. Then Olivia explained to him that she never planned on meeting Brian at the bar and that she had not gone there alone. He was stunned when she told him about Dana and he understood that it had made her think about what people are capable of when they are hurt and jealous.

'It's scary El, and I don't want that to be us,' she told him. 'I just didn't want to think for a while, and if there's one thing I can do around Brian, it's not think.'

They both laughed out loud and they were relaxing a little. Elliot now knew that there was no reason to be jealous of Brian at all, even if he had been with Olivia all those years ago. If she had wanted to be with Brian, she could have hooked up with him again before he came back. She told him that she did consider Brian a friend and that she had been very worried about him when he got shot a few months earlier. Elliot was a bit uncomfortable with the idea that she could be friends with a former lover but Olivia told him,

'This is a part of me that you will just have to learn to live with. I wasn't married to the same man for twenty years like you were to Kathy. There were more guys and we may bump in to one or two of them. I can't change that El.'

'I know,' he said softly. He hated it that so many men had had their hands on her but he could not blame her. If he hadn't married so young, he would probably have had a few more conquests to his name as well. Now, he felt really inexperienced next to her and that wasn't very good for his ego. Maybe that was why these other men bothered him. Even so, he certainly didn't regret staying faithful to one woman for so long. It was the right way to live, in his opinion. Olivia was his second and if it was up to him, his last until the day he died.

Olivia watched his face as he was thinking things over. She knew that her sex life was disturbing for him and she tried to understand. It wasn't like she had jumped every guy she had ever dated, even though people probably thought that of her. But she wasn't going to give Elliot any details, not even to reassure him about the number of men she had or had not slept with. She was here now, that was all that should matter.

Elliot addressed her drinking, and how well he knew what it could do to people. She nodded and promised him she would watch herself from now on. 'It's not like hangovers are any fun anyway!' she joked, and they both laughed, relieved to be able to say all of these things to each other.

Once they had said everything that needed to be said, Elliot asked her, 'We are going to have more arguments, Liv. Are you up to it?'  
Olivia scooted over on the couch until she was leaning against him and she pulled his arm around her. He kissed her temple and she smiled at him with a glint in her eyes of something ... what was it? Flirty?

'I don't know El,' she said softly. 'That depends on how we decide to make up afterwards.'

Elliot grinned and stroked his chin with his thumb and forefinger, pretending to be deep in thought. Olivia laughed out loud and the sound sent a shiver up his spine. Her laughter was like a medicine for him.

'So?' she asked him.

'I am thinking,' Elliot replied. 'I don't want you to start picking fights with me just because you want to make up, so it shouldn't be too good ...'

Olivia started tickling him and he gladly returned the favour, until she was on her back on the couch, squirming to get away from his hands.

'Oh no, you are not getting away from me,' he told her in a low voice. 'Not until we've made up.'

Olivia stopped trying to fight him off and looked into his eyes. Her eyes were wide and full of anticipation.

'However shall we do that, Elliot,' she said softly.

Her hands slid down his back until her fingers found the hem of his t-shirt and she let her hands glide up again, taking the shirt with her and pulling him closer to her. He shivered under her touch on his bare back and leaned in to kiss her.

'It's been too long,' he whispered. Olivia couldn't agree more and she kissed him hungrily. He let out a soft moan and she could feel his body tense up. It _had_ been too long. Elliot got up and pulled her up with him, never breaking their kiss until he pulled her shirt up and over her head. She did the same with his shirt and they continued kissing. Olivia let her hands roam his chest and shoulders and smiled against Elliot's mouth when she felt him fumble with her bra. She reached behind her back and unclasped it for him. He smiled as well, mumbling that he would never learn. He pulled her hips close to him and she got goose bumps all over when his naked chest pressed into hers. She moaned softly when he started kissing her neck, and trailed down her body, across her breasts until he kneeled down in front of her to kiss her stomach while he reached for her belt. She held on to his shoulders while he pulled her pants down, taking her panties down as well in one movement. He hesitated before placing more kisses on her stomach and Olivia leaned against him, feeling a need build up inside her to feel more of him - to have him feel more of her.

Elliot looked up at her from his kneeling position and the want in her eyes shocked him. She was looking straight into his eyes while moving her hips from side to side in front of him. His heart was beating violently at the thought of what she might expect him to do. He stood back up and looked at her insecurely. She had often called him a choirboy and he actually felt like one now. She was completely naked and he was still just standing there in his jeans.

'What is it Elliot?' she asked him sultrily. She made a trail of small kisses along his collarbone. 'Don't you want to make up yet?'

She was smiling and there was nothing insecure about her at all. She unbuckled his belt and undid the buttons of his jeans. Then he felt her hands slide into his pants and boxer short over his firm ass. She pulled him against her and kept rocking her hips against him.

'It's not like we haven't done this before, is it?' Olivia said, while squeezing his ass and then tracing the muscles on his back until she rested her hands on his biceps. She was wondering what he was thinking. Until now, he had not been shy at all in the bedroom but he seemed a little uncomfortable suddenly.

'Are you still thinking about the other guys El?' she asked, a little more serious now.

Elliot leaned his forehead against hers and said he didn't want to think about that.

'I'm here now and I'm all yours. You know that, don't you?'

'Yeah, I know. I just ... I don't want to disappoint you Liv.'

Then it dawned on her, finally. She was a little surprised but also amused. Cocky Elliot Stabler was insecure about his sexual performance ... He looked at her and there was something in his eyes that she couldn't place right away.

'Don't laugh at me Liv. I'm being honest here,' he said and his voice was serious.

'I know El and I appreciate it. But you must have noticed that you haven't disappointed me yet. Why else would I keep coming back for more?'

She kissed him softly and smiled.

'Come on big man. Don't think, just go with what feels right. I want _you_ ... nobody else.'

She kissed him again, more urgently now and he pulled her close again. She was right, they were great together. He pulled one of her legs up on his hip and Olivia immediately put her other leg around him as well. He carried her into the bedroom quickly and set her down on the bed. She sat up on the edge of the bed, pulled him between her knees and pulled his pants and boxer short down, just like he had done with her. She looked up at him with a sultry look in her eyes and he wanted to take a step back. She was quicker though, and held him in place by grabbing the back of his thighs. She looked at his body and the proof of his high state of arousal. Then she looked up at him again and licked her lips slowly. He held his breath when she slowly moved one hand around his thigh to the front.

'Liv!' he croaked.

She couldn't believe this was new to him after so many years of marriage. But there he was, almost panicking because he thought she was going to take him in her mouth. Olivia stood up slowly, pushing her entire body up against him.

'El, I want to taste you,' she whispered. 'Why won't you let me?'

'I ... I don't know,' he stammered, his mind reeling with things he had never thought or felt before.

Olivia was in the lead now. She stepped away from him and motioned for him to lie down on the bed.

'Come on,' she whispered and he complied. She climbed over him and started kissing his chest while rubbing his nipples gently with her hands. He wanted to touch her as well but she continued to move down his chest towards his abdomen. His breath hitched again when he felt her soft breasts graze his skin, further and further down along his body. When she finally stopped, he closed his eyes, surrendering to her and the new sensations coursing through his body. Kathy had never put him in her mouth. She thought it was disgusting and wouldn't even consider it. Not that he had ever actually asked her. They didn't really talk about these things, only in general. He had wondered about it though and now Olivia was leading him into new territory. His body jolted at the first touch of her lips and he could hear her laugh softly. She was stretched out beside him on the bed, one leg draped over his leg, and she was rocking her hips against his leg while she worked on him. Elliot thought he might come just from the thought of her mouth on him. When he felt her tongue caressing his most sensitive spot, his hips started moving on their own. He was completely helpless now and his entire body responded to the new feelings he was experiencing.

'Liv!' he managed to say, 'If you don't stop now I'm gonna ...'

He hissed when in stead of stopping, Olivia picked up the pace, adding her hand to the mix to make sure he couldn't pull away. _She really wanted him to come like this._

'Liv! Gah ... I ... oh God!'

His body started to shake and he couldn't stop himself anymore. Olivia continued relentlessly and also kept rocking against his leg, which only excited him more.

He groaned and tried to reach for her but he seemed glued to the mattress. His body shuddered again and he knew he was going over the edge.

'Shit ... Liv, I'm gonna ... shit!' he shouted and he exploded in her mouth. Olivia took it all in without any hesitation, moving with him as the waves of excitement hit him and then gradually subsided, and leaving Elliot completely spent and amazed at the same time. She wasn't disgusted at all and even licked a few drops off him before sliding up his body to look at him. Elliot wrapped his arms around her, still in awe of what she was willing to do for him, and kissed her passionately. He tasted himself on her lips and he wanted to let her know how much it meant to him that she had wanted to pleasure him like that. Her kiss was equally passionate and she pulled him on top of her to deepen the kiss. Elliot was trying to catch his breath and broke off the kiss for a few moments. He looked at her beautiful face beneath him and she smiled widely.

'Did I do good?' she asked, knowing full well that she did.

He grinned widely.

'You are so amazing Liv. I don't know what I did to deserve you,' he said, and his face turned serious.

Olivia looked up into his blue eyes and wondered what had moved him so much. Was this really the first time for him? She thought it was endearing and at the same time, a little exciting too. Her body was still pumping and while she was happy to make Elliot come, she wasn't quite done yet herself. She licked her lips slowly again and watched for a reaction from Elliot. He seemed to realize that she had not been satisfied yet and she could see a hint of guilt in his eyes.

'E'l,' she whispered, 'I love you so much. I want to satisfy you, that is all that matters to me.'

'What about you?' he asked.

'Well, that would be your job,' she said, smiling and wiggling her hips beneath him at the same time.

He laughed and told her, 'I think I can do that.' His body was already responding to her movements beneath him and he was in familiar territory again.

Olivia closed her eyes and revelled in his undivided attention. Making up had never felt so good.

...

 **Please leave your thoughts about that in a review :)**


	24. Chapter 24

**I didn't get much response to the previous chapter, so I guess I should hold off on the fluff? Let's proceed with a new obstacle then ...**

24.

They both felt like a big hurdle had been taken. They had now officially survived their first fight since becoming a couple. When Olivia had mentioned it the first time during their vacation, Elliot had laughed about it. They had always been so good at fighting so he didn't see the problem. But now, he understood the weight of it better. They had actually gotten even closer after their fight. They had told each other things. Worded their insecurities and worries. They had talked like they had never talked before. Their new-found trust would probably be tested again but it would be different next time. Or he hoped it would be different. He wasn't sure yet how he would react if he would actually _see_ other men hanging around Olivia. He hoped he could just be proud that she was his and not worry so much about losing her.

...

'Seriously? You want to go shopping with me?'

Olivia was very surprised. Somehow, she couldn't really picture Elliot store hopping with his family at all. But he seemed genuine and it would be nice to get to know him in yet another way.

'Sure, it'll be fun. Besides, I have been thinking about getting a new phone. So, what do you say? It's a date?'

'It's a date!'

Olivia was on call but they decided to go downtown and check out a few stores together on a Saturday afternoon. Olivia was looking for some items to make her apartment more cosy and they would also see if they could find that new phone for Elliot. Elliot was wondering if it would be too soon to start talking about moving in together. Olivia did ask his opinion about several items she was checking out in the stores and he enjoyed watching her. She was so relaxed without all the tension of the job. It reminded him of their time in the Bahamas and he was enjoying still discovering new things about her. He watched the changing expressions on her face as she flipped through several posters, looking for the perfect image to put up on the wall of her apartment. The way her eyes reflected her feelings was mesmerizing. When she finally noticed that he wasn't even looking at the posters she stuck out her tongue at him and they both laughed.

They had put several purchases in the trunk of the car in the parking lot on Canal Street before heading towards the Apple store on Prince Street on foot. It was only four blocks away and the weather was nice for late January. The temperature was a little below freezing point but there was no wind and no snow. They blew out puffs of hot breath and laughed as they walked together, their hands tucked warmly in their pockets. Olivia looked at their feet pounding the pavement. It was almost like old times when they would be on a case together. They walked in comfortable silence.

As they approached their destination, they both slowed their pace simultaneously when they saw some commotion up ahead. Olivia instinctively checked that her gun was where it should be. There were two men waiting outside a store, while two uniformed officers directed the public to cross the street and continue walking on the other side. A lot of people stopped to see what was happening and Elliot and Olivia also stopped to watch from across the street. The door of the store opened and a cuffed man was being dragged out by two other people, a man and a woman. He was put in the squad car of the uni's, and then the plain clothes officers started to head out.

Olivia turned to Elliot to suggest they continue walking too when she noticed he was still looking at one of the officers. She followed his gaze and saw the woman, who was just taking her bullet proof vest off. Just then, the blonde spotted Elliot as well. Her face lit up and she walked over to them immediately. Olivia glanced at Elliot and then looked at the woman again. She was smiling widely now and stopped directly in front of Elliot.

'Elliot Stabler! It's nice to see you again!' she said, taking no notice of Olivia and looking straight at Elliot, with a look in her eyes that Olivia could only describe as ... excited.

Olivia recognized her now. It was that _girl_ that had replaced her while she was in Oregon.

'Dani ...' Elliot said, surprised to run into his former temporary partner so unexpectedly. 'How have you been?'

'I'm good Elliot. The warrants squad suits me better than Special Victims after all. And you?'

Olivia narrowed her eyes when she saw Dani put a hand on Elliot's arm. She was standing too close to him.

'I'm good too, thanks.' he told the blonde, and gesturing to his left he added, 'I don't believe you've met Olivia?'

Dani looked at her, seemingly a little surprised but quickly held out her hand.

'I don't think I have,' she said, while Olivia shook hands with her. 'Nice to meet you detective Benson. I'm Dani Beck. You still keeping Stabler in check?'

'I try,' Olivia said dryly, ignoring Elliot for a moment. She remembered how close the two detectives had seemed after working together for several weeks, when she had seen them from Cragen's office. She wasn't particularly happy to see the woman again.

'El, listen,' Dani said while putting her hand on his arm again. 'I was just on call for this bust and I'm off duty now. We are headed to a bar a block from here. Why don't you two join us for a drink so we can catch up. What do you say?'

Olivia couldn't really tell if Elliot was surprised by the invitation but she wasn't pleased with his body language at all, or with his response to her suggestion. He put his hand on Dani's shoulder and told her he and Olivia were running an errand and maybe they could drop by later. Dani was clearly very happy with his reply and her eyes were beaming when she put her hand over his on her shoulder and squeezed it before letting go again. She told Elliot the name of the bar and the street where it was.

'It's a burger restaurant but it's also a great place to hang out,' she told him before walking back to her current partner.

Dani looked over her shoulder at Elliot when she left with her partner and waved at him. Elliot smiled and waved back. He was glad Dani had found a better place to work and thought back at their time together at Special Victims. It was about six years ago and she seemed more relaxed now. It hadn't been easy for her, being a young widow, to stay strong for the victims. Busting perps was less of an emotional burden for her.

His thoughts were interrupted when Olivia called him. She had already walked several yards before turning around. She seemed a little annoyed.

'El! Come on!'

'Yeah,' he said, jogging over to catch up with her. 'What's the rush?'

She didn't say anything and Elliot glanced at her. She was walking fast, looking straight ahead and her lips were pursed. She was stewing over something.

'Liv, what's wrong?' he asked. 'Slow down.'

She slowed down a little and told him nothing was wrong, but that she was just getting a little cold and would prefer to keep moving until they were inside. Elliot knew that there was more going on but he also knew better than to ask. She relaxed once they got to the phone shop and they looked at several phones before Elliot made his choice. They waited while all the information from his old phone was transferred to the new one and Elliot looked at Olivia's face. She was looking outside at the people in the street and he wondered what she was thinking about. She had been a little off ever since they had seen Dani ... And then Elliot realized it. He could not suppress a smile. _Well, look at her_ , he thought. _I guess I'm not the only one with a jealous streak_.

She looked at him and saw him smiling. She raised an eyebrow and he looked away. She wondered what was taking so long with the phones. And what was he smiling about? She could not help but wonder how his working relationship had been with this Dani person. She had certainly looked excited to see him again. When she was partnered with Elliot they had avoided unnecessary touching at all costs, but with _her_ , the same rules didn't seem to apply. Olivia regretted the fact that she had never asked Elliot about it. They had only mentioned her once when she had asked him why Dani left. She had felt that there was something more when he kept calling one of their victims Dani in stead of Danielle. But back then, they avoided discussing uncomfortable topics. She wanted to talk about it now but wondered if it would be childish to bring it up, six years after the fact.

Elliot's phone was finally ready and they left the shop.

'Where to, fair lady?' Elliot asked her cheerfully, hoping to change her mood and leaving the decision up to her to go to the bar on West Houston Street Dani had mentioned, or not.

Olivia hesitated. They had done all their shopping and it would be nice to have a drink somewhere, but she'd rather be alone with Elliot. But she didn't want to seem jealous or insecure and she certainly didn't want another fight.

'Well, I thought you would like to catch up with your old partner,' she said slowly.

'Liv, this is _our_ day out. Just tell me what you'd like to do,' Elliot said while putting a hand on her arm. It was actually reassuring and she decided she wasn't going to be one of those possessive bitches that didn't trust her man around other women. So she agreed to go to the bar.

'Lets see if it really is a great place to hang out,' she said, forcing a smile.

Elliot was a little too happy with her decision, she thought, but they were already on their way to West Houston Street. He was chatting about Dani and how she had handled working at SVU. Elliot had been separated at the time and Olivia couldn't help but wonder if he'd had a fling with the blonde. He had surprised her before when it turned out he had been seeing his lady friend at immigration but Elliot had told her he had never slept with anyone other than Kathy before her. She smiled inwardly when she remembered his inexperience with certain bedroom activities. Whatever rebounding he had done, it had not involved actual sexual interactions. Elliot must have noticed she was smiling about something and asked her what she was thinking. She smiled again and looped her arm through his.

'Nothing,' she said. 'I'm just happy to be out in the open with you.'

It wasn't the entire truth but it wasn't a lie either. She was enjoying being out with Elliot, where people could see they were actually together. She would make sure Dani would see that as well, she thought, realizing that she actually _was_ a little possessive.  
They found the burger restaurant and had to agree that the bar was actually very nice. The four cops from the warrants squad had occupied a table with a couch shaped as half a circle around it. They all scooted over to the left, to allow Olivia and Elliot to join them. It was a tight fit but all six of them managed to squeeze in. Elliot was seated between Dani and Olivia.

They all had a beer except Elliot, who ordered a diet coke. Olivia said she'd only have one, since she was still on call. They all chatted about the job and the man sitting across from Olivia asked her how she managed to stay in SVU for so long. From the corner of her eye she saw Elliot leaning over to Dani and laughing about something she had said, but she tried to block it out and focused on her own conversation. After a while, their attention was caught by the conversation the others were having, when the man sitting on Dani's left made a very obvious pass at her and Dani commented rather loudly,

'Hey Matt, no fraternizing between co-workers, remember? At least not when they are working in the same unit,' she added while smiling at Elliot.

Elliot grinned and looked down at the empty glass in front of him. He remembered breaking that exact rule when he kissed Dani when they were working together, and couldn't help but wonder if Dani would still be interested if he were a free man today. The way she was looking at him certainly suggested she might be. He thought it best not to look at Olivia right now, wondering if she was still okay with meeting Dani's unit here.

'Yeah yeah,' Matt replied, accepting Dani's answer without contest. 'Olivia, you ever break that rule?' he asked, suddenly turning to the only other woman in the group. 'Can't be easy being a beautiful woman on the job with all these guys hanging around you all day long.'

Olivia was a little taken aback by the direct question and glanced at Elliot before looking at Matt again. Before she could answer, Dani wrapped her hand around Elliot's bicep and added,

'Especially when you're working with such a handsome partner day and night.'

Olivia glared at her and raised an eyebrow.

' _I_ have never had a problem keeping my hands to myself. Have you, detective Beck?'

The words had left her mouth before she could think about it and the group fell silent. The tension in the air was obvious to all of them and Elliot was clearly uncomfortable now. Dani had let go of his arm immediately but Olivia saw a dangerous gleam in the blonde's eyes.

'I have tried, detective Benson,' she replied slowly, still looking Olivia straight in the eye, 'but some guys are just irresistible.'

Olivia stared at Dani for a moment longer and then shifted her gaze to read Elliot's response to the conversation between the women on either side of him. But he seemed to be frozen and kept looking down at his glass.

'Really,' Olivia said coldly. 'Go figure.'

...


	25. Chapter 25

**10 reviews came quickly this time so here is the next chapter.  
Big welcome to Cinderella1268 who finally has her account! Now without further ado, back to the bar ...**

25.

 _'_ I _have never had a problem keeping my hands to myself. Have you, detective Beck?'_

 _The words had left her mouth before she could think about it and the group fell silent. The tension in the air was obvious to all of them and Elliot was clearly uncomfortable now. Dani had let go of his arm immediately but Olivia saw a dangerous gleam in the blonde's eyes._

 _'I have tried, detective Benson,' she replied slowly, still looking Olivia straight in the eye, 'but some guys are just irresistible.'_

 _Olivia stared at Dani for a moment longer and then shifted her gaze to read Elliot's response to the conversation between the women on either side of him. But he seemed to be frozen and kept looking down at his glass._

 _'Really,' Olivia said coldly. 'Go figure.'_

...

Olivia was feeling tense and decided it was time for another round of drinks. She pushed herself up from the table and asked if they were all up for another beer. They all nodded and she walked over to the bar. She sat down on the nearest barstool at the bar and took a deep breath while she waited for the bartender to take her order.

Elliot knew she was angry. Perhaps a little with him but definitely with Dani. The other men were mumbling something between them and he thought he heard the word 'catfight' from one of them. He thought they had been over this jealousy thing but he regretted going to this bar now to meet Dani. Sure, they had discussed _his_ jealousy, but not hers ... If there was one thing he had learned over the years, it was never to confront a woman in public, so he had remained silent so far. He looked at Dani, who was still sitting slightly pressed against his left thigh. She didn't say anything but he knew she was tense as well. He scooted a few inches away from her and she looked at him.

'Is your partner okay?' she asked, and he saw some hesitation in her eyes. They both looked behind them at Olivia, who was still sitting at the bar, staring straight ahead. Dani leaned closer to Elliot's ear and asked him, 'Did I step in something here?'

He looked at Dani again.

'Because if I did, I really didn't know ...'

Elliot wasn't so sure that Dani's comments had been as innocent as she wanted to make him believe and looked at her hand, which was resting on his arm again. She withdrew it quickly.

'Excuse me,' Elliot said and he got up to walk over to Olivia.

Olivia didn't look at him when he leaned against the bar next to her.

'Liv, you okay?' he asked her softly.

She shrugged.

'I'm fine.'

'Liv, ...' he said more urgently, putting a hand on shoulder, and she looked at him. Just then, the bartender placed five beers and a diet coke in front of her, and she wanted to get up and take the drinks over to the table.

'Hey!' he whispered, not removing his hand from her shoulder and thus keeping her in place.

She sighed and sat back down on the barstool.

'Is she right? Was there something going on between the two of you?' she asked softly, looking down at her hands on the bar.

'Liv, look at me,' Elliot said, and he placed his other hand on her cheek, turning her face towards his.

She looked at him and saw a very serious, sincere look in his eyes.

'I was in a bad place back then. Kathy left me and then you left me as well. I didn't handle that very well and ... yeah, I kissed Dani once. I know I shouldn't have and I'm glad it didn't go any further. I was just so lonely that I turned to the person who was closest to me at the time.'

'You never turned to me when you were lonely, Elliot,' Olivia replied, a hint of sadness in her voice.

Elliot leaned his head closer to her when he said, 'I was never really lonely while you were in my life.'

Olivia tried to blink away the moist in her eyes that was now blurring her vision.

'You never told me that,' she whispered.

'No, I didn't. You mattered too much to me to just act on impulse and possibly ruin everything we had.'

'And _she_ didn't?'

'No.'

Olivia smiled and looked into his eyes, their faces still very close to each other.

'Now,' Elliot said while wrapping his arms around her waist and moving closer to her, 'let's show them exactly what we are to each other.'

Olivia slid off the barstool as he leaned in to kiss her. The kiss was slow at first but became more passionate as they deepened the kiss. She wrapped her arms around his neck and was filled with a sense of pride that Elliot would show everyone around them how much he loved her. She moaned softly and could feel his body responding as well, as she pushed him against the bar, continuing to kiss him until they were both out of breath. Her back was turned to the warrants squad now.

One of the men at the table looked at the couple at the bar and said to his co-workers,

'Would you look at that. That is some fraternizing going on over there!'

Dani turned around and her face fell when she saw Elliot and Olivia entangled in a long, passionate kiss. Elliot's hands were roaming Olivia's back and her butt and he was kissing her more softly as they tried to catch their breaths, tugging at her lower lip and then kissing the soft skin behind her ear.

'God Elliot, you are such a show-off,' she panted in his ear but she was smiling widely. Elliot grinned and told her,

'They are all watching now.'

'Good,' Olivia said and she dropped her hands to his hips, pulling him close to hers and kissing him passionately again. She knew she was showing off too but it was her best weapon today. Elliot was only too glad to support her strategy. When they finally broke apart she grinned at him and said, 'Now let's finish those drinks and go home.'

They each grabbed three drinks and walked back to set them on the table. Olivia looked straight at Dani until Dani looked down. She seemed a little embarrassed and Olivia felt proud. Matt wasn't embarrassed though and asked them point blank,

'So, fraternizing with co-workers is okay at SVU?'

Elliot laughed as he sat back down, pulling Olivia close as she scooted in beside him.

'Oh, didn't I mention that?' he said casually. 'I've been retired for a while now. I just couldn't let go of Olivia so here we are.'

The other three men expressed their understanding and they all laughed when Matt decided they should toast to fraternizing. They clunked their bottles together and all laughed, except for Dani.

 _Serves her right_ , Olivia thought. She didn't know she could be so mean but all was fair in love and war, right?

...

After finishing their second round of drinks, Elliot announced that he was paying because, as a retiree, he could afford it. He paid the bartender and they said goodbye to the warrants squad as they walked off together. They walked the five blocks back to the parking lot, joking around and laughing all the way. Olivia was feeling so light. It felt good to be able to show her affection to Elliot in public. Maybe it was time to tell the guys at the 1-6 as well.

When they returned home to her apartment they decided to order in and have a lazy evening together in front of the TV. The both changed into sweatpants and a sweater and got comfortable. After dinner, Olivia lit a few candles and when she returned from the kitchen with two glasses of ginger ale, Elliot was sitting in the middle of the couch, grinning widely and holding a bottle of massage oil. She felt something shift low in her belly immediately and set down the glasses to look at her watch.

'I'm still on call for another two hours El,' she said, flopping down on the couch next to him.

'So?' he said, brushing her hair out of her face and resting his hand underneath her hair in her neck. She shifted beside him, already feeling her body become tingly all over.

'Well ... ehm, I ... I can't get too relaxed or I will be no good if I'm called out to catch some pervert,' she said, very unconvincingly trying to turn down a massage because she knew what it would lead up to.

'What are you talking about?' Elliot said innocently, but his eyes sparkled. 'You can chase after the bad guys a lot better when your muscles are relaxed.'

He applied some pressure on her neck and she had to admit it felt really good after being in the cold winter air for so long that day. She closed her eyes and Elliot took it as a sign that he could continue. He quickly hopped over the back of the couch and started massaging her neck and shoulders with both hands. She didn't stop him so he picked up the bottle of massage oil and continued massaging her, dipping into her hooded sweater as far as he could without taking it off.

His strong, warm hands on her muscles felt really good and without thinking about it, Olivia pulled the sweater up and over her head and tossed it aside. Elliot held his breath briefly when he saw she wasn't wearing anything underneath it.

'You little devil,' he said softly next to her ear. 'You've had plans with me all along!'

She grinned but said nothing as she scooted forward, allowing him to slip over the back of the couch behind her, with one leg on either side of her. He continued massaging her shoulders and her back and made his way to her breasts while kissing her bare left shoulder. She let her head fall back on his right shoulder and closed her eyes. The feeling of his warm hands rubbing the oil on her breasts was exhilarating and his kisses on her neck and collarbone excited her even more. He nipped at her skin with his teeth and her body jolted slightly. He had not done that until now and it sent new kinds of shivers through her body. He soothed the sting of pain on her skin with his tongue and then he sucked on her neck. He was probably leaving a mark but at this point, she couldn't care less.

Elliot had been excited ever since they had made out in public. It had been a new feeling altogether and he had felt something fall off him. He thought it might have to do with his upbringing and with the way all of his sexual activity until now had taken place behind closed doors. He felt as if a sense of shame had left him and he was feeling a new desire rise up inside him. He wanted to enjoy each and every part of Olivia's body and right now, he could not get enough of the soft skin of her neck. The way she was moaning and pressing her butt against his groin, he knew she was enjoying it too. He continued to suck and nip her neck and caress her breasts at the same time, until he thought he could come himself just from touching her like this.

'Liv,' he said softly and she opened her eyes.

'Yes?' she whispered.

'I want you.'

'I want you too, Elliot.'

She put her hands over his and moved them down from her breasts to her waistband, and slipped both their hands inside her sweatpants. When she felt Elliot starting to move his hands on his own, she let them go and moved her hands to his thighs, pressing her back against his chest. She felt his right hand move down and he had to realize by now that she wasn't wearing any panties either. When his fingers reached her centre, he groaned in her neck.

'Oh baby, you've got to be kidding me ...,' he sighed.

His fingers moved slowly and Olivia was throbbing with excitement. She wanted to grind against his hand but that was impossible in this position. She wanted to turn around but her muscles wouldn't cooperate. The way he was holding her, his left hand moving back up to caress her left breast and his right hand still exploring the most tender skin of her entire body, all she could do was breathe in and out slowly.

When his middle finger and ring finger found her entrance and slid in about an inch, her entire body jolted and she stammered something Elliot couldn't understand. He was so turned on right now and just could not stop. Olivia's breathing became heavier and she was squeezing his thighs, lifting herself up a little and then dropping back down because there was nowhere to go. In stead, she let her legs fall open further and Elliot pushed his fingers in a little further. Olivia let out a long moan and Elliot's body reacted to the sound. He was suddenly feeling very much overdressed but they were already in too deep to change their position now. Olivia's hips were moving and he kept stroking her insides with his fingers, going deeper each time. He found another place in her neck to suck on and Olivia's breathing became more erratic. He wrapped his left arm around her when she started to shake to hold her in place, using the shift in his position to start caressing her right nipple with his left thumb. He pressed the palm of his right hand against her while keeping the two fingers deep inside, instinctively knowing she needed the pressure. His fingers moved faster and the palm of his hand was grinding gently against her most sensitive spot again and again. She was arching her back and Elliot increased the pressure of his arm as well as his hand to keep her in place, moving and twisting his fingers inside her faster and harder. Finally, she pushed her hips up against his hand a few more times and then her body froze for an instance before her release washed over her.

She gasped for air as the waves of pleasure hit her body. Elliot held her tight, moving with her until she became completely still, aside from her heavy breathing. She raised her arm to pull his head down and kissed him on the lips. He slowly removed his fingers from her and she moaned in his mouth, unable to speak at that time. Elliot wrapped both arms around her and tried to catch his breath as well.

'That ... was ... in ... credible,' Olivia sighed. She was finally able to move and moved her legs sideways on the couch, so she was sitting in his lap. She wrapped her arms around Elliot's neck and kissed him slowly.

'Thank you Elliot. I didn't know you were so good at that.' she said, still panting slightly.

'Neither did I,' he admitted, smiling shyly at her.

Olivia sat up straight to look into his eyes.

'Seriously?'

Elliot nodded. 'Yeah. I just went by instinct. I've never done that before.'

Olivia bit her lower lip. How could this big man, this decorated cop and father of five be so pure and so endearing? And _so_ sexy!

'Have I told you yet how much I love you?' she said softly.

'I think so, but you can say it again Liv. I love you too. Only you.'

...

 **Needless to say, Olivia wasn't called out that night. Lucky Elliot!**  
 **Please review, and thanks to writefanfic for giving me the idea to write Dani into the story!**


	26. Chapter 26

**This chapter is partly linked to "Deadly Ambition", season 14 episode 15, because of the date, February 14.**

26.

It was early February and Olivia had her suspicions. Elliot was up to something. She tried not to think about it but she was also pondering about what to get him for Valentine's Day. They weren't about big gestures but she wanted to surprise him. To let him know how much he meant to her. She had even asked Alex to help her find the perfect little gift but Alex's imagination didn't go any further than lingerie. That was not what she had in mind.

Her co-workers were still unaware of who her mystery man was. She wanted some male input and decided to ask Nick. Fin and Munch would get way too suspicious and might even guess who she was seeing. Nick asked her if she was sure she wanted a devout Catholic to give her advice about a Valentine's Day present for her man but she insisted she did.

'He's not entirely unlike you, you know,' she added, leaning next to Nick against his desk.

Nick was very surprised.

'Liv, don't tell me that a guy like me would actually be your type!'

She laughed out loud and Nick smiled. She had been laughing a lot more lately. It seemed as if she had shed all of the melancholy that he had seen in her when he started out as her partner. It had been replaced by actual, real happiness. He couldn't help but wonder what kind of man could do that for Olivia. He was very happy for her. And now she told him the guy was like him?

'You know, you aren't half bad Nick. If you weren't married ...,' she said and looked at him with a sly smile. 'I'm just kidding Nick. But really, what would you like to get from your wife for Valentine's Day?'

'I'd like her to be home,' he answered without thinking.

Olivia put a hand on his shoulder.

'I'm sorry Nick.'

He shook his head. 'No Liv, _I'm_ sorry. That wasn't an answer to your question at all.'

Fin and Rollins came in and they automatically lowered their voices. Fin glanced at them but said nothing. Amanda raised an eyebrow but didn't say anything either. Olivia realized that it might actually look like she and Nick were having an intimate discussion. Her hand was still resting on Nick's shoulder. She grinned and Nick understood. His back was turned to their co-workers so they could not see his face. He put his hand on her knee and winked at her. Fin and Rollins turned around quickly and Olivia nodded slightly, letting Nick know it had worked. Then she leaned over to him and he whispered something in her ear. She started smiling widely. He had just given her the perfect idea for a gift for Elliot. She hopped off the desk and sat down at her own desk again. This was going to work. And the smoke screen she and Nick had just thrown up was perfect too.

The day before Valentine's Day, Elliot let her know he would not be staying at her place. He needed to make some 'arrangements'. She already knew they were going out to dinner the next day so she wondered what kind of arrangements still needed to be made. He would not tell her and she accepted that they would be sleeping in their own apartments that night. They wouldn't meet until he would pick her up for their Valentine's Day dinner the next day.

Olivia had been very busy at work, working with ADA Barba to try and get Amanda out of a tricky situation with her sister. It looked like her sister had set Amanda up to shoot her boyfriend and the insurance policy with both sisters' names on it was enough for IAB to start putting Amanda through the ringer. She was arrested on the 13th and would be arraigned the next day. There was nothing they could do for Amanda until then so Olivia decided to go to bed early. Something told her she would need all the sleep she could get before the next day - either for Amanda or Elliot, or both.

Elliot was excited. He had the whole thing planned out. He had permission to come in to work a little later so he could work out the last details. After that, he would have to trust his accomplices of the day, the delivery men and his former Captain. He was enjoying discovering his own romantic streak and also how much Olivia secretly enjoyed all the attention. He could tell she was feeling much more like a woman these days, and not just like a cop. He knew he was taking a risk - again - but he wanted to show her how much he truly loved her. He didn't want to hide it from the world anymore.

...

Olivia was a little surprised that Captain Cragen sent Nick out with Fin that Thursday morning. He wanted her to dig through a pile of files in stead of going out with her partner. She wasn't even sure what she was looking for. Discrepancies, Cragen had told her in his don't-argue-with-me voice.

Around ten, some flowers were delivered to the station for several female officers. Olivia smiled. That was sweet of their significant others. A while later, more flowers were brought in, and one delivery man walked straight over to her desk. Munch looked up while the delivery man handed her a bouquet of beautiful long-stemmed roses. Six red roses and a white one. Olivia's heart leapt up. From Elliot? She quickly read the small card, a very familiar format.

 _'I love you.'_

She sat down speechless on her desk. That man and his roses. The roses had paved his way back into her heart twice already and he was doing it again. Munch couldn't resist peeking at the little card she was clutching. He smiled and patted her on the back clumsily.

'Now that's nice,' he mumbled.

Olivia could only nod and smile, swallowing a small lump in her throat. Captain Cragen looked at his detectives from inside his office and sighed contently.

...

'Anyone up for some lunch?' Olivia asked around noon, her nose still in her paperwork. She looked around and noticed that Fin and Munch weren't there and Nick was getting some coffee. She was getting a little bored and could really use a change of scenery. Just when she was getting up from her desk, another delivery man came in.

'Delivery for detective Benson?' he said with a loud voice.

'Here,' she replied, holding up a hand.

The man placed a box on her desk.

'I didn't order anything,' she said a little surprised.

'All taken care of ma'am,' the delivery man assured her.

She opened the box carefully and found several smaller boxes in it, containing her all time favourite Thai food, exactly how she liked it. She put a hand over her mouth and had to blink away a few tears. First the beautiful roses, that were now in a vase on her desk. And now her favourite food. She whipped out her phone, she just had to call him. Cragen had walked over and Nick had also moved closer to see what had been delivered and they both smiled. Olivia took a few steps away from them while she called Elliot.

'El, what have you done?' she asked him softly.

'Just making sure you keep your strength up Liv,' he said. She knew he was smiling without seeing him.

'And the roses are beautiful too. Everyone wants to know who sent them.'

'Why don't you tell them then?' he asked. 'Or are you embarrassed?'

'No! No, of course not. Maybe I should tell them ... if you are ready for that?'

'Let me think about it, okay?' he said, and Olivia was slightly disappointed. _He_ wasn't embarrassed, was he? Before she could ask him about it, he urged her to eat her lunch while it was still hot. She thanked him again and whispered _'I love you'_ before ending the call. She looked around and saw Nick and Cragen moving away quickly but she caught their smiles. Yes, she was in love. That was no secret. She took her lunch to the break room and remembered sitting there, eating the exact same menu with Elliot so many times. She smiled. She was eating alone now but she was much happier.

Around 2 pm, she almost begged Cragen to let her go out with Nick for a short visit to the hospital to meet with one of their young victims of domestic violence.

'I just want to see how she is doing after her operation. We won't be long. I really need to get out of here for a bit, Captain.'

Cragen sighed. He was surprised he had been able to keep Olivia inside for this long. He knew that her last Valentine's surprise wouldn't get there before 5 pm so he agreed to let her go out for a while.

'You will need to be back here before Amanda's arraignment though. I'm going there with Fin, so I will need you and Nick to be here when we leave.'

Olivia nodded and thanked him, then walked away quickly with Nick, before the Captain could change his mind.

...

They were back at the 1-6 by 4.45 pm and Fin and Cragen left right away to support Amanda in the courtroom. Nick and Olivia could only hope that she would at least be let out on bail. Olivia wasn't sure if she would enjoy going out to dinner if Amanda was in prison. Nick was restless as well and sometimes Olivia got the impression that there was something going on between him and Amanda. She didn't ask him about it though. He was still married, although there seemed to be a lot of pressure on the marriage all the time. Talk about a déjà vu ... She smiled and caught Nick looking at her again. She raised an eyebrow and he grinned back at her.

'Something on your mind, Nick?'

He replied honestly.

'I'm just happy for you. You are nothing like you were when I first came to this unit anymore. And it looks like it's the real deal for you this time. This is the longest relationship I have seen you in so far.'

'It is!' Olivia confirmed. 'You know, I can honestly say that this guy ... he's the longest relationship I've ever had with a man.'

Somehow, Nick found that hard to believe. Surely she had managed a few months before? Olivia didn't feel like explaining it to him further but added for his benefit,

'Let's just say we have a prior history together.'

Nick's interest was piqued but he didn't ask any further. Olivia let out a content sigh and then grinned at Nick.

'I'm really in deep, aren't I?' she asked and Nick just nodded. When Olivia got up to get them yet another cup of coffee, a man holding a box came in.

'Another delivery, really?' Olivia exclaimed while walking towards the coffee corner. 'Some guys just don't know when to stop.'

'Package for Olivia Benson,' the man said and Olivia stopped dead in her tracks. For _her? Again?_

 _..._

She couldn't believe it. Elliot was really pulling out all the stops. She had been planning to leave before six so she could get changed at home before her dinner date. But when she opened the box carefully, she realized that her outfit for the night had just been delivered for her. She closed the box immediately so others wouldn't see what was in it, but Nick had already spotted some shiny purple fabric.

'What's that?' he asked. 'A robe or something?'

Olivia laughed. 'Not a robe Nick, it's a dress!'

'Wow, put it on!'

'Wouldn't you like that,' she muttered. Now that Nick knew there was a dress in the box, she opened it again. She saw there was a note in the box and pulled it out.

 _'Olivia, I know we said we would leave from home at 7 but this will save some time. Please wear this and meet me downstairs at 7.15. Love, E.'_

She was dumbstruck. But she also knew the dress would be perfect. He had proved twice before that he was absolutely aware of her measurements. There was probably some lingerie in the box as well but she wasn't going to show that to Nick or the other officers who were glancing her way.

In stead, she took the box to the cribs. There, she took all the items out. A purple dress, black lace underwear, black pantyhose and black high-heeled pumps. The man sure knew what he liked. It was already past six and she decided to take a quick shower and change into the outfit Elliot had picked for her. When she emerged from the cribs about thirty minutes later, Fin and the Captain were just returning, _with_ Amanda. She forgot for a moment what she had just changed into and walked over to Amanda to give her a hug. Amanda was still upset but she was relieved that she didn't have to stay in jail.

After making sure Amanda would be okay, Olivia turned back towards her other co-workers. Fin was staring at her and she wondered why. Then she realized he was starting at her attire. She smiled faintly. Somehow her date wasn't such a big deal, compared to what Amanda was going through. But even Amanda noticed her dress and told her she looked absolutely gorgeous. The purple dress had a tight top with long sleeves made of lace only. It showed ample cleavage but through the same see-through lace as the sleeves, which went all the way up to her neck. The skirt was a little more loose than the top and went just over her knees. She felt absolutely classy in this dress. She had pinned her hair up loosely and had put on a little extra makeup, but not too much.

'Dang girl! You look like a movie star,' Fin told her.

Cragen looked at her almost like a proud father and nodded at her. She smiled. Cragen was the only one in the room who knew about Elliot. Nick looked at her and told her 'He's one lucky guy.'

Olivia was getting a little uncomfortable with all the attention and said she was just really happy Amanda was out, and asked if any of them had plans for the evening. While she had often felt left out of all kinds of celebrations, it looked like she was actually the only one who did have a date this time around. The others were getting ready to leave and Olivia checked her watch. It was 7 already. Elliot would be downstairs soon. She put away the paperwork she had been working on and checked her purse. Then she heard some commotion out in the hallway and she frowned. She heard Fin saying loudly,

'What the hell are _you_ doing here!'

Olivia walked over and heard Nick getting involved as well.

'This is _Stabler_?' Nick said, also loudly. 'The guy who walked out on Liv? You have a lot of nerve showing up here like this!'

'Let me fix that,' Fin said while getting in Elliot's face. 'She don't need you anymore Stabler. She's got a life now so get out before I help you out!'

...


	27. Chapter 27

**Wow, 10 reviews already so here we go again ... Not sure I can keep up with you guys!  
**

27.

Elliot didn't seem very impressed with the two angry detectives in front of him and stood with his hands in his pockets, looking from Fin to Nick and then back to Fin. Olivia walked up to them with Amanda and Cragen in tow, and the three men in the hallway all looked at her. Her frown lifted when she saw Elliot but then she looked at Fin, who was still eyeing Elliot with anger and suspicion.

'Guys, relax!' she exclaimed. 'It's okay.'

'Liv, this is not okay. He can't just barge in here like this and upset you again.' Fin said.

He poked Elliot with his index finger. 'You have a lot of explaining to do man. Nobody does that to Liv!'

Olivia stepped in quickly and stood beside Elliot. He was wearing a black tuxedo with a white dress shirt, and his bow tie had the exact same colour purple as her dress. She slipped her hand in Elliot's hand and faced Nick and Fin.

'Guys. I appreciate you both jumping to my defence but ...,' she looked at Elliot and gave him her most beautiful smile. He smiled back at her and she could see so much love in his blue eyes and ... what was it? Pride? He stood tall next to her and looked at Fin and Nick again.

'Elliot is here to pick me up. He is my date.'

'Come again?' Nick asked, still not entirely sure that she was actually okay with her former partner being there.

'Say what?' Fin said. 'No shit ...'

He looked at the two of them more attentively now and had to admit they were a radiant couple. When Olivia was satisfied that nobody was going to get punched in the face, she turned to Elliot.

'You came up here to pick me up ...' she said softly.

'Yeah,' he said. 'I want to shout it from the rooftops Liv. You make me so happy.'

They were forgetting that there were other people in the hallway and Elliot leaned in to kiss her gently, wrapping one arm around her waist and pulling her close. Captain Cragen cleared his throat and they both blinked when they looked at the older man. Cragen extended his hand to Elliot and when Elliot grabbed it, he pulled him into a hug.

'I'm so glad this has worked out for you son,' he said while patting him on the back.

'Thanks Cap,' Elliot said. 'And thanks for your help.'

The Captain nodded and squeezed his hand before letting it go. Elliot looked at Fin again. He seemed to be relaxing a little but he still had a worried look on his face.

'Fin,' Elliot said. 'I'm making amends and she has actually forgiven me. Can you believe that?'

Fin shook his head. 'No man, I can't believe it. But I gotta tell ya, she's been so happy lately ... I just can't believe that's 'cause of _you_!'

Nick was looking at the group of people in front of him. Olivia hadn't told him much about her old partner, but Fin and Munch had told him they had been very close. A bit too close maybe. And then Stabler had just disappeared on his partner. That didn't sit well with Nick at all. Partners didn't do that and _he_ was Olivia's partner now. But he had seen up close how much Olivia had changed since she was in this new relationship - or was it an old relationship that had been renewed? She called it the longest relationship she had ever had with a man. It was beginning to make sense now and he looked at the man beside Olivia again. Clearly, she had welcomed him back into her life. She was all smiles. Nick didn't know the man personally so he would just have to give him the benefit of the doubt.

Olivia put a hand on Nick's arm and said she wanted to introduce him to Elliot. He stepped forward to grab the hand Elliot was holding out to him.

'So you are the one watching Liv's back now,' Elliot said, and Nick could hear appreciation in the man's voice. He nodded.

'Yeah, and I'm glad to do it. So you are the one who's been making her so happy lately?' he asked in return.

Elliot looked at Olivia and back at Nick, a wide grin on his face. 'It looks that way, doesn't it.'

Finally, Olivia introduced him to Amanda, and Elliot told the younger detective that he hoped things would work out for her soon. Amanda thanked him and smiled at Olivia.

Just then, Munch stepped out of the elevator. He looked very surprised to see such a large gathering in the hallway. Then he spotted Elliot and his face lit up briefly, before glancing at Olivia. Olivia sent him a wile smile and he stepped up to give Elliot a warm man-hug.

'Stabler, I should have known it was you,' he mumbled and Olivia actually saw tears in the eyes of the older man. He turned to her and gave her a clumsy hug as well. 'It's about time Liv,' he told her softly. 'You will have to tell me all about what kept him away for so long. It must have been some kind of conspiracy,' he joked and they all laughed.

'Now you two should get going, and not worry about us,' Amanda told the couple. The others agreed and Olivia walked back to get her coat, before stepping on the elevator with Elliot. Before the doors closed, Fin stepped halfway into the elevator and told Elliot,

'You better not hurt her again or I'll tear your head off. And that's a promise.'

Olivia pulled Fin into the elevator and gave him a kiss on the cheek. Fin looked down at his feet, smiling shyly. Then he stepped out of the elevator quickly to let them go.

...

They had a wonderful, relaxed dinner. Olivia still couldn't believe Elliot had come up to their floor to pick her up, letting everyone know about them that way. He just smiled and told her he was too proud to be her man to hide it anymore.

'The kids know, the cops know. I want everyone to know you are taken.'

He leaned in to kiss her on the lips and added, 'Now everyone here knows too.'

She grinned and looked down. He made her feel wanted, desirable, beautiful. Not for just one night or to get a second date. This was real. He was playing for keeps and she wanted it too ... It scared her but she knew she actually had a shot now at the life she had always wanted. She hoped he would understand how much the gift she was going to give him really meant to her. She was contemplating giving it to him right away but she wasn't sure she wanted to do it in public.

Elliot was studying her face and asked her after a while, 'What are you thinking about?'

She hesitated, still looking down at her dessert.

'What?' he asked softly, putting a hand on hers. 'Tell me.'

She looked up and told him she had a gift for him. His eyebrows shot up.

'Really?'

'Yeah, really. You've been giving me stuff all day, Elliot. I want to give you something too.'

She picked up her purse and took out a small red box with a golden bow on it.

'You're not proposing are you?' Elliot said with surprise and she laughed.

'I hope you didn't expect me to!' she said.

He shook his head. 'Absolutely not. Because that's _my_ job!'

She blushed when she realized he had actually thought about it and she wasn't sure she was ready for that. Then again, what she was about to give him somehow felt like the biggest commitment she had ever made. She handed him the box.  
His hands were actually trembling a little when he unwrapped it. He opened the small black jewellery box inside the red box and took out a silver chain with a small key attached. He held it up and looked at her.

'A key?'

She took a deep breath before explaining it to him.

'It's the key to my heart Elliot. I've never given it to anyone before. I want you to hold on to it for me.'

She had a lump in her throat. It really meant a lot to her to give him this key and he understood. He rubbed his face with his hand but he could not hide the moist in his eyes.

'Liv,' he whispered. Then he got up, walked to her side of the table and pulled her up. He put his hands on her cheeks and their eyes locked.

'This ... is the most precious gift I have ever received. I will guard it with my life.'

He kissed her and dropped one hand to her waist, pulling her close to him. She wrapped her arms around him as well and tried to contain a sob while they kissed. He released her lips and pulled her even closer, and she hid her face in the crook of his neck. They didn't care who was looking at them in the restaurant. This was their moment, their Valentine's Day. After they broke apart, Olivia helped him put the chain around his neck. It was long enough that he could wear the key underneath his clothes.

'There,' he said, putting a hand over the key that was now safely tucked away under his shirt. 'It's close to my heart as well.'

They sat back down but they could only stare at each other. Food and drinks were forgotten. After a few minutes Olivia said, 'I think we should get out of here.' Elliot couldn't agree more.

Once they got home to Elliot's apartment, they prolonged their first Valentine's Day well into the night. After taking a shower together and making out like teenagers in the bathroom, they tumbled into bed still wet and soapy and made love. They went slow this time, taking their time to enjoy each other. Just when they thought they could not get any closer than they already were, they fell in love just a little bit more. Elliot never took the chain with the key off and put his hand over it when they finally settled in for the night, and Olivia snuggled in beside him. She looked at his hand over the key and smiled at him. He kissed her forehead and said, 'With my life Olivia.'

...

 **Now wasn't that sweet? Please leave a review!**


	28. Chapter 28

**Linked to season 14, episode 17, "Undercover blue". Underlined print is from the actual show, which belongs to Dick Wolf and NBC, of course. Most of this episode plays out as shown, except of course the Bensidy thing.** **I am being creative with that** **...**

28.

ADA Barba was getting ready for the trial against Bart Ganzel. Brian Cassidy was an important witness, having been undercover for a long time as Ganzel's security advisor. Therefore, it could not be a coincidence that just now a woman came in with a severe accusation against Brian. Nick, who had never really been a great fan of Brian's, seemed willing to believe the alleged victim. Olivia had not been briefed fully yet but had sensed something was up. Nick told her to ask Brian about it so she asked Brian to meet her at the Two Bridges Coffee Shop on Hudson Street to talk.

'Bri, what is going on?' she asked.

'Just a lynch mob, organized by Ganzel,' Brian said. 'He gave Amaro the rope.'

'Okay, how 'bout we be a little bit more specific then that,' Olivia said, while standing next to Brian at the counter.

He turned to face her and said, 'I'm being framed for rape.'

Olivia was stunned.

'Rape ... When? ... Who?'

'I gotta say Liv, I think you're asking the wrong questions here,' Brian told her, clearly upset that she would even ask for more details.

'Okay ...,' she said, sitting down on the stool next to him. 'Okay, so how 'bout you tell me what I should ask.'

...

When she returned to the station, the others were all discussing the latest developments in the case. Amanda asked Olivia and Munch if they thought Brian was good for this.

'No,' Olivia replied, 'but he's not good at defending himself. We have to look into this.'

'Discreetly of course,' Munch added. 'We can NOT talk to the vic.'

They all went to work to talk to people who knew the victim. Olivia was glad the newer detectives were willing to help even though they didn't really know Brian and it wasn't their case. They soon found the link between the alleged victim and Ganzel but there were witnesses. A DA from Westchester was coming in to run the trial. Olivia called Elliot to let him know what was going on. They had agreed to keep each other in the loop about important stuff, and she felt that this qualified as important. She sensed Elliot was still a little uneasy about her being in touch with Brian and she reminded him who had the key to her heart.

Elliot smiled and put his hand over his chest, where he knew the key was. It was reassuring. He told her to be safe and let him know if he could help out in any way. Because however he felt about Cassidy, he did not think the man would ever rape anyone.

Olivia met with Brian again the next day to update him. They were sitting in her car near the restaurant where she was about to have lunch with Elliot on his lunch break. She told him that the girl, Heather, was sticking by her story and that there were witnesses who would testify that he had been in the bedroom with the girl for two hours. The girl had also described a scar on the inside of Brian's left thigh.

'See the problem?' she asked him. If it was anyone else, she would definitely have believed the victim at this stage. Brian maintained that nothing happened and that they had only talked. Olivia really didn't know what to believe and Brian became a little agitated.

'Hey Look! I didn't do this!' he said, sounding upset. 'You know me Liv. You know better ...' he added softly, and put his right hand on her knee.

She sighed and looked him in the eye. He seemed sincere enough but so had the girl.

'Liv,' Brian whispered, and he brushed a strand of hair from her forehead before placing his left hand against her cheek. 'It would kill me to think you could think I'm capable of that, after all we've been through together. I ... I still remember, you know ... everything.' His eyes roamed her body as if he was looking right through her coat and clothes, and he shifted in the car seat so he could lean closer to her. 'You remember too, don't you? I'm not the kind of guy that would force anyone to do anything ...'

He leaned even closer and Olivia blinked a few times, realizing too late that he was trying to kiss her. She tried to pull back but his lips grazed her cheek just when she turned her face away from him. She was about to tell Brian to back off when there was a loud bang and the window on the passenger side of the car was smashed in. The door was yanked open and before they knew what was happening, Brian had been pulled out of the car by his jacket and pushed up against the car.

'What the hell,' Olivia mumbled, jumping out of the car at the first sound of breaking glass and drawing her weapon to point it at the two men across the roof of the car. That was when she saw the rage in those bright blue eyes she knew so well.

'Elliot!'

...

Elliot was breathing heavily and he was seeing red as he stared into Brian Cassidy's eyes. He had watched the two of them in the car from a distance, trying to remain calm and trusting Olivia to deal with Brian in her own way. But when Brian had touched her face and she had not corrected him right away, he had started walking towards them, only to see the prick get even closer to her. That was when his temper got the best of him and he had pounded on the window of the car so hard that it had shattered.

'Stabler ...' Brian panted, a mixture of shock and fear in his eyes. 'What the hell ...'

Olivia put her gun down and quickly walked over to the side of the car where the two men were standing, their faces only a few inches apart.

'Elliot!' she said again. 'Let go of him!'

Brian relaxed just a little bit and made an attempt to smile while saying, 'Listen to her man. Let go of me. She's none of your business anymore.'

Elliot tightened his grip on Brian's jacket and pushed him up a little, pressing his clenched fist against Brian's throat.

'Big mistake, little man,' Elliot said, and his voice got louder as he added, '' She _is_ and I don't want you anywhere near her, you hear me!'

'El!' Olivia tried again, putting a hand on his arm. 'Stop it!'

The muscles in Elliot's neck were bulging and it looked like he might pop a vein at any moment. Brian was squirming a little now and gasping for air and he looked at Olivia for help. Elliot was still glaring at him and if looks could kill, he would be burning to a crisp from the inside out by now.

Olivia put both hands around Elliot's arm, pulling at it to make him release his grip on Brian.

'Don't make me pull my gun on you again, Stabler,' she muttered and he finally listened to her and let go of Brian, who slumped against the car, holding a hand against his throat as he tried to catch his breath.

'Liv,' Elliot said while turning to her. 'I ... I'm sorry ... I just ...'

'Elliot, what were you thinking? I could have handled it!' she said sternly.

Elliot was still angry but not at Olivia, so he looked down, trying to catch his breath and waiting for her to go on a tear.

'Look at me El.'

He looked at her, guilt written all over his face, but some residual anger as well.

'Hey, I'm not a civilian, remember. I can defend myself. Not that I need to defend myself from Brian, he wouldn't hurt me. I don't need this from you.'

She was decisive but she wasn't yelling and Elliot was a little relieved. He was still reeling from the adrenaline rush and looked at Brian, who was now looking back and forth between the two of them. Elliot looked at Olivia again, deciding just to ignore the other man.

'You're not mad at me?' he asked her.

'Well, I am a little. I don't want you following me around to chase away every man who wants to talk to me!'

'He wanted more than just talk, Olivia.' Elliot interjected, sending Brian another angry glare.

'I would have handled it.'

Elliot nodded. 'I know. I'm sorry. You know me ... I'm a jealous and possessive bastard.'

Olivia's face softened and she put a hand on his cheek.

'And protective. Which isn't a bad quality El. Just trust me to handle things like this myself, okay?'

'Okay. I'm sorry.'

'Will you stop apologizing already,' she said, smiling, and she leaned in to kiss him on the lips. Elliot relaxed and returned her kiss, pulling her against him gently.

'So ...'

They both looked at Brian, who had finally spoken up.

'I guess I should be going then,' Brian said hesitantly. 'Didn't realize I was stepping on your turf, Stabler.'

Elliot grunted something and Brian retreated, turning around to leave.

'Bri! I will be at the trial,' Olivia said.

He put up his hand to thank her and walked away quickly, not looking back. Olivia actually felt a little sorry for him but she had a bigger problem now. Her car. She sighed and pulled her phone out of her pocket.

'We can't leave the car like this,' she told Elliot. 'I'm calling in to get a replacement.'

...

Elliot realized that he had ruined their lunch date and shook his head. If he hadn't butted in, Olivia would have brushed off Brian and they would be in the restaurant by now. His temper had gotten the best of him once again.

He got them a few sandwiches which they ate in silence in her car while waiting for Olivia's replacement car. He wasn't sure if she was still pissed with him for his Neanderthal behavior or if there was something else because she would hardly look at him. He wanted to ask her about it just when the car arrived. She quickly got her things out of the damaged car and transferred them to the replacement car. It was an older model but it would do for now. They switched cars with the officer who had brought the car. He would take her car to the garage to have it repaired.

'So, I guess you will have to get back to the station now?' Elliot asked, still feeling a little guilty about ruining their lunch date. They were standing in the opened cardoor on the driver's side and Elliot expected her to just get in and take off. Olivia looked at him up and down and put a hand on his chest. He could not read her mood at all right now and put a hand over hers.

'Liv?'

'El,' she said softly.

Elliot started to get a little worried but then she looked him in the eye and he started smiling widely.

'Are you ... a little hot right now Liv?'

She bit her lower lip and nodded slightly, glancing around to see if anyone was watching them.

'It's just ... when you were all fired up and angry earlier I was ... it was actually such a turn on and I can't shake it off.'

She was speaking so softly that he could barely hear her but it was obvious that she was in need. Of him. He pulled her into his arms and kissed her and she returned the kiss hungrily. She wrapped her right arm around his neck and he felt her left hand slide down his back and gripping his ass and he broke off the kiss.

'Not here Liv!' he whispered, a little shocked at how freely she was acting, out in the open. Making out in a bar was one thing, but out in the street?

She laughed softly in his neck and put her arms around his waist.

'I know. I just don't know if I'm going to get any work done today when I'm like this.'

'Hmmm, I know what you mean. You want me to come back to the station with you? You can pretend to take a nap and I can jump you in the cribs.'

He wiggled his eyebrows and Olivia laughed out loud.

'I will be the first to admit I have thought about it ... a lot, actually - but that's not going to happen,' she said, finally finding some resolve again. 'At least not during the day,' she added more playfully and Elliot felt something shift low in his abdomen.

'Keep up the sexy talk and I'm not leaving you any choice,' he grunted before kissing her again. She felt his hand slip into her coat and cover her breast. She moaned softly and pulled his hips against hers again.

'We really shouldn't be doing this,' she mumbled against his lips and he replied that no, they shouldn't without interrupting their kiss.

A few people in the street started to notice them and when they heard some whistling and howling around them they finally let go of each other. Olivia straightened out her coat and got into the car quickly without looking around.

'Can I drop you off somewhere?' she asked Elliot, who was still standing next to the car. He nodded and got into the car on the passenger side. She drove to the office building where he worked and parked the car. She looked at the handsome man beside her. He was as flustered as she was and she asked him what they were going to do.

'We really need to get back to work, don't we?' she asked hesitantly, hoping he would say no. But he said yes. What else could he say.

'If I'm late I'm in trouble Liv. I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you tonight, okay?'

With that, he hopped out of the car before he could change his mind. Olivia put her head on the steering wheel and took a deep breath. He'd better make it up to her!

When Olivia returned for work a little late, she hoped no one would ask her why she was being so antsy. If they did, she could always chalk it up to Brian's trial, which was on a fast track and was actually starting the next day. Captain Cragen did not ask her why she was late and Nick was keeping his distance anyway because of the allegations against Brian. He was trying to help out, along with the others, but he still hated the guy and couldn't understand why Olivia was friends with him.

Elliot had made it back on time and texted her, adding that he had plans with her to continue what they had started that afternoon. She grinned and tried to focus on work for the rest of the day. It was different now, her work wasn't all-consuming anymore and it felt good. She would still go all out for the victims but she felt a lot more grounded than before. She was beginning to believe that she was actually going to get her happily ever after.

...

Brian's trial didn't go well at first and then Nick got caught in the middle when his relationship with the sister of a drug king pin during an undercover operation was revealed. The whole squad including Nick stepped up to get them both out of trouble, and Heather finally recanted and confessed that Brian had been the only one who didn't make her do it, and that he had been so nice to her. Elliot joined Olivia outside the court house just when Cassidy came out around lunch time. All charges had been dropped so he was a free man.

'Yeah, I'm free to work the night shift at Bronx court house, come on.' Brian said bitterly. 'Do you think I'm just gonna stick it out until I get my twenty? I'm damaged goods Liv.'

Olivia put a hand on his arm, saying 'Brian. You didn't do anything.'

'Once accused, always under suspicion,' Brian said. 'Even from you.'

'From me?'

Olivia looked shocked.

'What are you talking about, I believed you!'

'I wish I could believe that,' Brian said, looking at Elliot and then back at Olivia. Without another word, he turned around to leave. Olivia wanted to follow him to try and clear the air, but Elliot stopped her.

'Don't, Liv. You know he's right. Just let him go.'

Olivia turned to him and he put his arms around her.

'I just want him to be okay,' she said softly, while they both watched Brian walk away.

'I know. You just can't save everybody, honey.'

She looked at Elliot, a smile forming on her face.

'Did you just call me honey?'

He laughed. 'Yeah, I did. You sure taste as sweet as honey.'

She laughed out loud and took his hand.

'Come on, let's go get a bite to eat,' she suggested. 'Inside a restaurant this time, please.'

They walked away from the courthouse hand in hand.

...

 **And that is what that last scene should have been! Or don't you agree? Leave a review and let me know!**


	29. Chapter 29

**This chapter is linked to episode 20 of season 14, "Girl Dishonored". Again, underlined print is from the actual show, which belongs to Dick Wolf and NBC.  
This chapter is kind of a filler and I had some difficulty summarizing the case at hand, and merging it with my own storyline. So apologies in advance if it's not all that entertaining!  
**

29.

March 22, 2013.

'You look nice,' Amanda said to Olivia.

'Ah, thanks,' Olivia smiled. She was just getting ready to head on out.

'Friday night date with Elliot?'

'Ehm, yeah, sort of. We're taking his mom out to an early bird dinner.' she explained, while walking to the elevator with a stack of files she was bringing home for the weekend. Amanda walked with her.

'His mom?' Amanda said, eyebrows raised. 'You two getting serious?'

Olivia laughed.

'Well, I've know him forever and I also know his kids _and_ his mom. She's a great lady and I'm looking forward to seeing her again. And Elliot ...'

Her smile got wider. 'Well, what can I say.'

Amanda nodded and smiled as well.

'Good for you.'

'Thanks!'

They had a great time with Elliot's mother, who was simply ecstatic that her son and his former partner had gotten together. Kathleen had told her about it and she kept holding Olivia's hand throughout dinner, repeating how beautiful she was and how lucky Elliot was to have her.

'I think I'm pretty lucky too, to have him, Mrs Stabler,' Olivia told her.

'Please dear, call me mother,' Bernadette told her and Olivia was moved by her words. Elliot squeezed her other hand, that had not been hogged by his mom, and she smiled at him with tears in her eyes. He knew it meant a lot to her to be included in a real family. After they had taken mother home, they returned to Olivia's apartment. Elliot looked at the files she had brought home with her.

'Well, this doesn't look promising,' he remarked. He had hoped to spend a quiet weekend with her but he had forgotten she was on call all weekend.

'I'm sorry El, I'm working all weekend. If I don't get called out, I will still have to go through all these.'

Elliot offered to help and the idea actually appealed to her. They had always been good at digging through case files together, finishing each others' sentences as they dissected the information.

'But,' Elliot said, 'that can wait until tomorrow, right? You don't have to start tonight.'

She looked up from the couch where she had been sitting while Elliot got their drinks from the kitchen.

'Well, technically I am on call already El. Why do you ask?'

'Actually,' he said, while walking over to her music installation, 'I thought we could go dancing. Right here,' he added, gesturing around him in the living room. He put on a CD with a collection of ballads by various artists and invited her to join him on the 'dance floor'. She grinned and got up, accepting his hand as he led her to the middle of the room.

'Your romantic side keeps surprising me, Stabler,' she mumbled in his ear when he wrapped his left arm around her, taking her right hand in his and pressing his right cheek against hers. They moved together to the music and she found out quickly that he had no trouble at all taking the lead. He was actually a great dancer. Olivia relaxed in his arms and let the smut of the cases they had dealt with that week wash off her. They danced for what felt like hours, chatting about all kinds of things while they moved together. They were finding a rhythm together, literally, where things were beginning to flow naturally. Olivia was hit with a huge sense of belonging and wrapped her arms around Elliot's neck, pulling him close to her.

Elliot wasn't sure what prompted Olivia to hold him so tightly but he put his arms around her as well. He heard her whisper softly, 'I love you so much,' and he released his grip on her to look at her. Then the words that had been on his mind for weeks just rolled out.

'Let's move in together, Olivia.'

...

As soon as he had said it, he wanted to bite his tongue. She looked so shocked and had stopped dancing. Her mouth opened but no sound was coming out. She was looking away from him, clearly having a discussion with herself inside her head.

'Liv?' he asked nervously and she looked at him again. Then she started to smile and he smiled with her, feeling a sense of relief.

'Move in together El? I'd love to!'

'Really?'

She nodded. 'Yeah, really.'

He was overjoyed and lifted her up from the floor, spinning her around before putting her down again. She laughed and kissed him before hugging him tightly again.

'Let's start looking at places this weekend,' Elliot suggested and she found out that he had already been looking around. He told her he had a few websites bookmarked on his laptop, and they could go over to his place the next day to see if she liked what he had picked out. They sat down on the couch and started up Olivia's laptop to do some searching together.

'We need at least two bedrooms, so we can have Eli over,' he summed up, 'maybe even three because you never know ...'

He trailed off when he saw the shocked look on her face. 'You never know what El?'

He cleared his throat, wanting to bite his tongue a second time in one evening, but Olivia knew what Elliot was implying.

'El, I'm 44. I don't think I want to get pregnant at my age. And would you really want to start over _again_? You've been a parent for almost 30 years!'

Elliot thought about what she had said for a minute and then told her,

'In that case I hope you have been using something, because we haven't exactly been careful, if you know what I mean.'

She knew what he meant. She had been back on birth control pills since her brief interlude with David Haden, when she thought they were actually getting serious and she was tired of using condoms every time. She forgot to take the pills sometimes but she was pretty sure she hadn't forgotten too many over the past few months. She was taking them continuously anyway, so there wasn't much risk of a pregnancy if she did forget one.

When she took a long time before answering, Elliot added that he should have said something and that it was his responsibility as much as hers, but she waved it off.

'Don't worry El, I've got it covered. But have you actually thought about it?'

As a matter of fact, he had. He knew that Olivia had always wanted to become a mother and he was a real family man. He could do it again if she wanted it too. But she didn't know if she would still want it at her age.

'Let's just take it one step at a time okay?' Olivia suggested, pointing at the laptop on her lap. 'Let's find us a nice place to shack up!'

...

Their weekend was interrupted when Fin and Amanda caught a campus gang rape case and Nick and Olivia were called in on Saturday. They interviewed a lot of college students about hell week, when typically a lot of hazing went on. Lyndsey, their victim, was a virgin before she was raped by three boys from the Tau Omega brothers. It wasn't the first time they had heard about that fraternity misbehaving. Cragen instructed them to 'go after them hard' and not let the school cover things up. All three boys claimed it was all consensual and that the girl had wanted it.

Olivia was getting pretty pissed off, especially when their victim was embarrassed even more by a topless picture going viral on campus and she decided to back out of her complaint. She was still upset about it when she got to Elliot's apartment on Sunday and was hardly enjoying their brunch.

'She was a virgin, for God's sake,' she sighed. 'Her first week in the city and her life will never be the same.'

Elliot tried to ease the tension in her shoulders but she told him 'Not now, El.'

'Hey,' Elliot said softly. He sat down next to her and took her hands in his. 'I'm not trying anything with you right now. I just want to help you relax. Scout's honour,' he added, putting two fingers to his head by way of salute. His grin was irresistible and Olivia smiled.

'I'm sorry El. I'm just no fun to be around right now,' she said and kissed his cheek.

They sat back on the couch and he pulled her close to him. She leaned her head on his shoulder and tried to relax.

'That's okay. I know how it works. You have anything to go on besides her statement?'

'Well, we think we may have another victim of the same fraternity. She is living in a psychiatric hospital and we are going to talk to her tomorrow.'

'Good,' Elliot said while stroking her long dark hair. 'So you have a lead and there is nothing you can do about anything today.'

He was right and he always seemed to know just what to say to take her mind off things. She snuggled closer to him on the couch and closed her eyes.

Elliot smiled and decided to let her rest. They could always check out apartments later.

...

Slowly but surely, they made headway on the case. The other victim, Renée Clark, gave a statement. Barba came to the station and told them they still didn't have enough to make a case against the three boys.

'So the rape factory just keeps churning out victims!' Olivia said.

'Rape factory?' Barba asked and Amanda explained it was the fraternity's nickname on campus.

'Okay, that helps,' Barba said. 'Two victims doesn't a factory make. Find the others.'

They went to work and organized an information meeting at the school. They got results but Barba still wasn't happy because they were all drunken he said/she said's. After finding out how poorly campus security was handling all these cases, Barba decided to convene a Grand jury and take on the school. After the hearing, Renée told Olivia that she wanted to go back to school. Being heard and believed had really helped her heal. Olivia looked at Barba and said,

'Maybe we can figure out a way around the parental supervision rule.'

...

Barba went on to tear the school apart but they were shocked when Lyndsey killed herself by jumping off the roof of the school. Amanda took it really hard and Olivia just felt more anger towards the systematic denial of these issues in colleges. In the end, it took a suicide to produce proof of the rape on video and the admission that school policy up to this point was _'Don't tell, don't report'_. The boys were charged with rape and both the dean and the head of security were charged with accessory to rape.

At a rally to honor Lyndsey, Renée told Olivia that she had been accepted back in school and that they had agreed to let Olivia supervise her. Also, she was thinking about maybe starting a support group for survivors of rape and wondered if Olivia thought that would be a good idea. Olivia was very moved and told her,

'Yeah. I do.'

Despite the sad circumstances, her spirit had been lifted. They had truly helped Renée get her life back and the school would never be the same. _And that is why I keep doing this job_ , Olivia thought. She went home early and found Elliot in her apartment, making an actual home cooked dinner for them.

'Hey, you're home early,' Elliot said while getting a towel to dry his hands before pulling her into a hug. 'How did the rally go?'

She sighed and sat down at the breakfast bar while Elliot turned back to the stove. 'Well, these things are always emotional. Her mother is heartbroken and Amanda is taking it really hard. She is convinced she could have stopped Lyndsey from killing herself if she had paid better attention.'

Elliot nodded. 'We both know how that feels.'

'Barba did get them all though, even the dean has been charged with accessory to rape.'

'He sounds like a go-getter to me. You like him?' Elliot asked. He had never met the latest ADA in person but he had heard the man was getting results. Olivia smirked and he looked at her, waiting for an answer.

'Do I like Barba? Well ...' Olivia said, narrowing her eyes for a moment. 'Usually I do, but he has a real mean streak to him as well. I guess that is the lawyer in him. We slap each other around sometimes but at least he isn't afraid to say what's on his mind.'

'Slap each other around?' Elliot asked slowly, with raised eyebrows and a glint of amusement in his eyes.

'Hah! Not literally El,' Olivia exclaimed. 'That's only for you!'

Elliot was almost finished with making dinner and walked around the bar to join Olivia. He pulled her up from her stool and looked at her very seriously.

'Detective Benson, you are giving me some very interesting ideas right now.' he told her in a deep, serious tone before he started grinning.

Olivia pulled his face closer to hers by pulling his ears and said equally seriously, 'Why detective Stabler, you are not suggesting I need discipline, do you?'

She yelped when he gave her a firm slap on her butt before bursting out laughing and pulling her closer to him. 'I think this topic needs exploring but not until we have had dinner. I've been slaving over a hot stove all afternoon so you _will_ enjoy your meal, detective.'

He sounded just like a house wife now and Olivia realized how great it was to come home these days. Her apartment - and his - had finally become home for her, a place where she might actually thrive, in stead of just a place to crash. She thought moving in together would make it even better, finally understanding that it wasn't _where_ you live, but with whom that made a place a home - or not.

She wanted to help him set the table but he would not let her, so she waited patiently until the pasta, sauce and various salads were all on the table. Elliot poured her a glass of wine and had bought some non-alcoholic beer for himself. He was being a true gentleman and had even put on a nice shirt for the occasion. The top few buttons were undone and she could see the silver chain around his neck. He had not taken it off since she gave it to him on Valentine's Day. He insisted on saying grace and thanked God for the beautiful woman by his side. Olivia was moved and sqeezed his hand across the table. She saw him blink away a few tears as well and had never loved him more.

...

 **Thank you for your patience. The next chapter will hold some more action.**


	30. Chapter 30

**The next portion is based on episode 22 of season 14, "Poisoned Motive", but I am doing something different with it.  
PS. I thought Kelli was wonderful in this episode but for this story, I really needed to make the switch.  
**

30.

April, 2013

'I think I would like an actual house this time.'

They had seen many apartments on the computer and had discussed the number of bedrooms they would or would not need at length. But she would actually like to have a house with a back porch and a garden. She had never lived in a real house before and she was confessing that it had always been a dream of hers. He thought it was just adorable.  
They had only just woken up and her hair was a tangled mess on her pillow. Her voice was still sleepy but her eyes were very much awake. He smiled when he looked into those beautiful brown eyes. She actually looked excited about the idea of living in a house. She had one arm draped across his chest and was playing with the short hair in his neck while musing about their future living arrangements. He moved closer to her and placed a small kiss on her nose before laying his head back on the pillow.

'So let's check out a few houses. You won't find anything affordable in Manhattan though.'

'I know,' she sighed. She had lived in Manhattan all her life and it would be strange to leave but she thought it would be worth it. Perhaps it would even be healthy to create some more distance between herself and her working area. They agreed to set up an appointment with a real estate broker. Elliot would make the arrangements. It was exciting and Olivia couldn't sit still anymore. She jumped up and walked out of the bedroom into the living room. Elliot followed her a little slower, rubbing his eyes when the bright lights in the living room hit him. Olivia was deciding what to take with her and what throw away.

'And I will also need a donate pile,' she decided, turning around towards Elliot. 'Because you have stuff too, of course and we don't need two of everything.' When she saw how sleepy he looked, standing there in just his boxer short, she walked up to him to give him a warm hug.

'I'm sorry baby, I'm just a little restless,' she said softly.

'So I've noticed,' he mumbled in her hair. 'If we weren't due at work I would know of a way to calm you down.'

He wiggled his eyebrows at her as he snuck his hands under the big shirt she was wearing and she laughed out loud.

'Yeah, well, you can save that for tonight. I've been selected to do a perp walk in front of the press this morning so I have to get there early and look my best.'

Elliot continued to trace his fingers up her sides until he reached the swell of her breasts but she wriggled to get his hands away from her.

'El, please. I _really_ can't be late today,' she insisted. 'I will make it up to you tonight. Promise.'

He dropped his head on her shoulder in defeat and sighed, 'Alright. I'm holding you to that promise, come hell or high water.'

...

Olivia made it on time. She wasn't particularly enjoying these perp walks but they were good for the image of the NYPD so she really didn't have a choice. It was her collar and she should get credit for it, at least that was what everyone else was saying. She walked outside with the cuffed Chinese woman in front of her, followed by the rest of the squad who were putting the accomplices in cars. The press was eager to get the best possible shot of the prisoners and she had to push through to get to her car. After putting the woman into the car, she walked over to the drivers' side to get in as well.

Suddenly there was a gunshot and people started screaming and running for cover. Something had hit her left shoulder and after the initial blow she felt a sting in her shoulder and collapsed against the car. She slid down the car onto the ground and everything went black briefly. She was gasping for air and didn't understand what was happening. When she opened her eyes, Nick was hovering over her, applying pressure to her shoulder and she could see blood on the ground. Was it hers? This was not good. Not good at all.

...

The next thing she knew, she was alone in a hospital room, hooked up to a machine. Nick came in, followed closely by a very worked up Elliot. She smiled. She was actually feeling pretty good. Well, she didn't feel a lot at all.

'Nick, El ...' she mumbled, and gesturing to her shoulder she added, 'It doesn't hurt.'

'I think they went a little overboard with the sedative,' Nick remarked, and he smiled as well. Elliot had rounded the bed quickly and was leaning over her to inspect her. She laughed because he looked so worried and she really didn't feel any pain. She put her right hand against his cheek a little clumsily.

'I'm fine El, really.'

'Like hell you are. You were shot Liv!' he said, his voice tense with worry.

'It's just a shoulder wound, straight through and through,' Nick said and Olivia laughed again.

'Through and through,' she giggled. 'Just trough and through.' Then she turned her head towards Nick.

'Did you get the guy that shot me?' she slurred. Before Nick could answer, her eyes slipped shut and her head dropped to the side.

'Liv?' Elliot said, slightly panicked.

'Just let her sleep Elliot. She's out of the woods,' Nick told him.

Elliot pulled up a chair and sat down, taking Olivia's hand in his. He looked up at her partner.

'Just get the guy, okay?' he growled.

Nick nodded and left the room. Elliot placed a kiss on her hand and leaned on the bed with his elbows. He wasn't going to leave her side.

...

The doctor and a few nurses came in to check on Olivia several times. It was a good thing that she was sleeping, they told him. He knew that but he could not relax. He knew that she would be alright this time. But what about next time? When he was a cop he had been aware of the danger but it had never hit him as hard as it did now. Well, maybe once, when he thought he was losing her a few years ago. He knew she was a good cop and she wasn't a risk taker but still. A sniper had taken a shot at her. Nobody could have been prepared for that. The irony was that this was the first time he truly understood how hard it must have been for Kathy when he was away all day, knowing he might get shot or killed every single day. Thinking about that now, he was amazed how long she had stuck it out in the end. She had also made several panic trips to the hospital over the years. He was already feeling so lost this first time and he didn't know if he would be able to do it again.

He started pacing. This could be a problem. No way was Olivia going to give up her job but he felt sick to his stomach, thinking that next time she might be hurt more seriously, or even die ... How was he going to deal with this? He didn't want them to fight about it but there was no way to bring up this subject without a fight ... so he needed to decide if he was willing to accept being worried about her for years to come.

His was pulled out of his restless thoughts when Olivia let out a small moan. She was waking up. He rushed back to her side and took her hand in his again. She was frowning a little before opening her eyes. She made an attempt to smile when she saw him but then frowned again and let out a frustrated grunt.

'Are you in pain?' he asked her and she nodded.

'Yeah. They should give me some more of that happy stuff,' she croaked. He pressed the call button to get a nurse to check on her and took her hand in his again. He didn't know what to say to her and opted for a little joke.

'This is some way to get out of the promise you made me this morning,' he said softly before kissing her gently on the cheek. She grimaced, and admitted she would not be able to keep her word this time.

'But that just means I have more to make up to you,' she added, managing a sultry look in spite of the pain. He smiled and gave her a small peck on the lips.

'I can wait, as long as you get better.'

'Do they have any leads yet?' she asked him. He didn't know. He had not heard from anyone the entire time he had been there. It was already past noon and he decided to call the Captain to ask for an update. He walked out into the hallway when the nurse came in. They had suspected that the prostitution ring they had just taken down had something to do with the shooting but their investigation wasn't turning up anything. They had assured them that, if one of their people had taken the shot, the detective would not be alive. Elliot took a deep breath, willing himself to not think about a dead Olivia.

'What's next, Captain?' he asked his former commanding officer. They weren't sure yet. They were still tracking a few threatening text messages that had been sent to Olivia's phone by some people connected to the prostitution ring, but they didn't really expect to find anything there. She had not told Elliot about the threats at all and this upset him. He remembered that things like this weren't uncommon in their line of work but it was so different now that he wasn't there to watch her back ... He ended the call quickly and decided to take a walk down the hospital corridors to walk off some of the stress he was experiencing. He felt anger bubbling to the surface and he didn't want to take it out on Olivia. She should have told him about the threats. She should have worn her vest. No, she shouldn't have done the perp walk at all. She should have ...

He realized that he was being irrational. She knew what she was doing. She was a great cop and she did not have to tell him everything. He wasn't her partner on the job anymore. He remembered Kathy yelling at him when he had been injured to take better care of himself. To not take so many risks. To not put the safety of his partner before his own all the time. To talk to her. He was beginning to understand her so much better now. He had wanted to shield his family from the horrors of his job and now Olivia was doing the same by not telling him about the threats she had received. He could only hope she had told her current partner right away, so at least he had the full picture.

...

Olivia wondered where Elliot had gone. Her new pain killers were starting to kick in and she had tried to get to her phone. She couldn't reach the night stand though and hoped he would be back soon. She needed to know what was going on at work. When her patience wore out, she eased her legs to the right until they dropped out of the bed, while pushing herself up with her right arm. She was now sitting on the edge of the bed and tried to reach for the drawer of the night stand again. Just then, Elliot came back in and she knew she was in trouble.

'What do you think you are doing!' he said, louder than necessary in her opinion. She just sighed and pointed at the night stand.

'I can't reach my phone.'

He marched up to her and started easing her back into the pillows and moving her legs back onto the mattress.

'Where were you El?' she asked, trying not to show him how much her shoulder still hurt.

'Just walking around,' he mumbled and she looked at his face more attentively. He was tense and avoided looking at her directly. He put the sheet and blanket over her again and sat down on the edge of the bed.

'What's wrong El?' she asked softly, putting her hand on his thigh. He finally looked at her and she saw anger in his eyes. 'Are you angry with me? Look, I just wanted to call Nick to ask how they were doing ...'

'Liv!' he cut her off. 'I'm not angry with you. I know there is no way you will stay in here a minute longer than absolutely necessary. It's just ...' He didn't know what to tell her. He didn't want to argue with her while she was in a hospital bed.

'It's just what Elliot?' Olivia insisted. He took a deep breath and blew it out slowly. She could not read him at all right now. He looked at her again and she saw that the look in his eyes had changed from anger into - what was it? Sadness? No, there was something else. Despair?

'El, talk to me!' she urged.

'Liv, you are probably not going to like this but I ... I just need you safe. I don't want you out there while there may be someone out there who wants you dead.'

'Elliot, what does that mean?' she asked, still a little confused but at the same time it began to dawn on her. 'Are you saying you don't want me to go back to work? At all? Because there will always be _someone_ out there who doesn't like me. It comes with the job, you know that.'

He bit his lip. He didn't want her to freak out but he was expecting her to start yelling any moment. He had to nip the argument in the bud and quickly took her hands in his.

'No Liv, of course not. I just want to ask you to take it easy until they catch the guy. You will have to anyway, because of your shoulder.' They could always argue later, he thought.

'Don't you trust me?'

Of course he did. He just didn't trust the rest of the world.

'Or Nick?'

He looked at her wearily.

'Dammit Elliot, don't do this. Give me my phone, _please_ ,' she said, stressing the word please intentionally. 'I want to call Nick.'

He handed her the phone and got up from the bed. She called Nick, who told her they were just arriving at Brooklyn Mercy because there had been another sniper shooting. She asked if it was the same MO and Nick told her it was. She was just asking him to keep her informed when she heard him mumble _'O my God ...'_

'What Nick? What is it?' She glanced at Elliot, who had picked up on the worried tone of her voice. She saw him turn his back to her but she didn't have time to worry about him right now. Nick told her that he recognized the parents of the second victim. They were his old supervisor from Narcotics and his wife. She heard him speak softly with someone next to him and then he told her, 'The man that got shot is their son.'

Olivia leaned back in her pillows. The pain killers were starting to fog up her brain but she knew something was off. And so did Nick.

'I am beginning to think this isn't about a current case at all Olivia. Could this be ... about me? I mean, you are _my_ partner and now the son of _my_ supervisor gets shot ...'

'No no no ... don't blame yourself, Nick,' she interrupted him. Elliot turned back around and looked at her, wondering what she and Nick were talking about. But Olivia was beginning to get more foggy and was closing her eyes. He took the phone out of her hand carefully and when she didn't object, he let Nick know Olivia was falling asleep and asked him what was going on. Nick explained things to Elliot and told him he was going to meet his former partner from his time at Narcotics, to see if they could find someone with a grudge against them. They exchanged phone numbers and Elliot asked Nick to keep him informed.

This development didn't ease Elliot's worries at all. If someone was trying to hurt Nick by shooting the people he was connected with, the threat to her life was even bigger than he had thought. Aside from all her prior cases, all of Nick's were now added to the pile as well. He couldn't sit still anymore, he had to do something. But there was nothing he could do. He needed to get out of there, and decided to go over to the station to see if he could help out. Olivia would be asleep for several hours and they were keeping her overnight for observation anyway, so she would be safe for now.

...

That evening, Elliot was pacing in his apartment.

Captain Cragen had practically ordered him to back off and not get involved with the investigation. He had tried to get more details but when Nick's former supervisor and his wife came in, he was ushered out. The last thing he picked up on was that the supervisor's son had died. He had wanted to hit something but he had managed to get home. He would call Nick again later for an update and he would pick Olivia up from the hospital the next day. His boss had given him two days off to take care of Olivia so he didn't have anywhere to go right now. He couldn't relax and felt sick. He had worried about people before. About his wife, his children, Olivia. But it was hitting him harder than ever before. There was so much to lose now.

He went to the kitchen to fix himself something to eat when he remembered the bottle of scotch in the top cupboard. He hesitated, then reached for it. He should pour it down the drain. He leaned on the kitchen counter with both hands, hanging his head. He should not take a drink. He didn't know what it would do to him. If he would want more. But it was only half a bottle and he didn't have anything else in the house anyway. What could it hurt? He slowly unscrewed the cap. It was just one drink to ease his nerves ...

...


	31. Chapter 31

**Thanks for all the reviews, a little drama does the trick every time :)**

31.

Olivia was getting ready to leave the hospital. Her stitches had been checked and double-checked and she had been released with strict instructions not to take off the sling until after her next checkup. Elliot was running late and he wasn't answering his phone either. If he was stuck in traffic, surely he would have called her by now. Her shoulder still hurt but she was anxious to get out of the hospital. She had managed to get dressed, kind of, with the help of one of the nurses and was sitting in a chair beside the bed, tapping on the screen of her phone impatiently. When she got tired of waiting, she called Nick to come and get her in stead. It wasn't like Elliot to forget or not to call but she wanted to get out of there. When Nick arrived, she left one last voicemail message for Elliot, letting him know Nick was taking her home. She didn't understand it and was starting to worry. What if something had happened to him? She tried not to show Nick she was worried but naturally, he noticed how tense she was.

'Did Elliot tell you why he couldn't make it?' he asked, glancing at her in the car.

Olivia didn't know what to say. She felt a little embarrassed and the longer she didn't hear from him, the more worried she got. She would rather have been angry but he would never stay away without a good reason ... would he? She got a funny feeling in the pit of her stomach when she remembered that he _had_ left her like this once before. He had been pretty restless the day before. What if he just couldn't take it anymore? She bit her lower lip to stop it from trembling. Where was he? She didn't know if she could do this again. They were looking for a place to move in together. He wouldn't just up and leave again, would he?

Nick was still waiting for an answer to his question and her face had probably betrayed her confusion by now.

'You don't know where he is, do you?' Nick asked, but it was more of a statement than a question. She shook her head, trying to hide the tears that were welling up.

'I'm sure he's fine Liv. He knows you were waiting for him. He'll be at your place in no time.'

She knew Nick was trying to reassure her but it wasn't working. Something was really wrong and she felt like she was going back in time, to that day Cragen had told her Elliot had put his papers in. She tried to keep breathing calmly. She was not going to break down. She was not going to cry in front of Nick. He asked her if she was going to be okay alone when they arrived. She said she would be fine and hoped he would understand that she needed to be alone. He insisted on walking upstairs with her but she told him she would take the elevator.

'Why do you always have to be so stubborn?' Nick muttered. 'I am dropping by later to check on you.'

...

Olivia was in a daze. One moment her life had been going so well and she had such great things to look forward to, and now it felt like the rug was being pulled out from under her. Or was she overreacting? Elliot was only two hours late. Well, so far. There was still no sign of him. She didn't even know if he had received her messages. What if the same thing had happened as almost two years ago? Gradually, she started panicking. She had tried to relax on her bed but she couldn't sleep at all. She had hoped Elliot could go and get her prescription filled for some painkillers before the last ones she got that morning at the hospital wore off. Her shoulder started hurting again. She would have to go to the pharmacy herself but it was a ten block walk. She wasn't up to it and realized she should have asked Nick to get her medicine before sending him on his way. The only thing she could think of was going over to Elliot's apartment. She couldn't image him being there and forgetting all about her but still, she had to check his place. Maybe she would find a clue of where he might be.

She had knocked but there was no reply. Of course he wasn't there. She used her key to let herself in and looked around. It didn't look like his bed had been slept in the night before. The knot in her stomach grew. What if something terrible had happened to him? She wandered into the bathroom but nothing was out of place there. The living room seemed in order as well. Finally she walked around the breakfast bar into the kitchen. It was a little messy but that wasn't unusual for Elliot. Then she saw the bottle. Or what was left of it. She felt a shiver shooting up her spine and she leaned against the counter to keep her balance. There was no mistaking what had been in the bottle. It was in the sink, smashed to pieces but she knew it was scotch. Then she noticed a few drops of blood on the counter, next to the sink. Blood? Was that Elliot's blood?

All of her alarms were going off now. This could not be happening. Not again! Why did he have scotch in the house and what had happened? Instinctively, she started checking all the cupboards and all the other places where her mother used to stash her liquor. She didn't find any bottles aside from the smashed one in the sink, where the blood was ...

She sat down on the couch and felt completely defeated. This was bringing back too many bad memories. On top of that, the pain in her shoulder had increased significantly. She tried to calm down but it wasn't working. She needed to do something and decided to call Captain Cragen. Perhaps Elliot had reached out to him? But the Captain had not heard from him at all and it made her feel worse than before. After ending the call with the Captain, she finally broke down and cried. She wanted to be angry at Elliot but she couldn't. All she could do was let out her anguish at his sudden disappearance. _Please God, not again._

...

After a while her sobs subsided and she just felt completely numb. The only thing keeping her awake was the sting of pain in her shoulder, that now seemed to seep down to her arm as well. She wasn't exactly taking it easy so it shouldn't surprise her that her body was objecting. She got up from the couch slowly and got some aspirin from Elliot's bathroom. That should help tie her over for a while. After that, she decided to go home. Nick had said he would check on her and she could ask him to swing by the pharmacy for her pain killers. Besides, she hadn't eaten since breakfast and was feeling weak. She walked the short distance back to her apartment, still in a state of shock. One of her neighbours asked if she was alright and she realized she looked a mess. Her whole face felt puffy and her makeup was probably all gone by now. She took the elevator up and walked to her door. _And there he was._

Her legs buckled slightly when she saw him. Relief washed over her but she was also concerned immediately. He was sitting on the floor, leaning against her door with his head back and his eyes closed. He was white as a sheet and was unshaven. He looked terrible, as if he hadn't slept in days. She took a deep breath to ease her own tension. She couldn't be mad at him when he looked like this. She walked up to him slowly and tapped him on the shoulder.

'El, what's wrong? Are you feeling alright?'

He opened his eyes and looked at her. His eyes were tired and when he realized she was there she could see a slight panic float to the surface. He got up quickly and took her hand in his.

'No, I'm not alright.' He kissed her hand and she saw a tear trickle down his cheek. She opened the door quickly and let him in.

Elliot felt horrible. He was a failure and a danger to himself and the people around him. He would need to tell Olivia what had happened the night before and he would just let the chips fall where they may. He made her sit down comfortably on the couch with an extra pillow to support her back, while he made them coffee. She followed each of his movements with her eyes. He could see she was tense and that she was getting a little impatient with him. When he finally sat down next to her, coffee in hand, he sighed. This was it. Confession time.

Olivia put her right hand on his left arm and she looked very worried.

'Tell me El, what is it? Where were you?'

'I ehm ... I was pretty out of it yesterday after you got shot,' he started.

She nodded, she had figured as much.

'Not just a little bit Liv,' he added, staring in his coffee. He looked at her and the sadness in his eyes struck her again.

'I had a drink last night.'

He sounded so defeated and Olivia didn't know what to think. He didn't look like he had been drunk, he just seemed very tired and upset. But she had seen the bottle.

'How much?' she asked, not letting go of his arm.

He thought back to the night before and told her everything.

 _He poured one glass of scotch and took a sip slowly. He had forgotten the burning sensation the liquor left behind in his throat and all the way down inside his chest. It felt strangely familiar now and he downed the entire glass after that first sip. He gasped as the burning increased and then slowly subsided. The taste was still on his lips and his tongue and he looked at the bottle, which was still open and ready, waiting for him. He needed this, he told himself. He was sick with worry about Olivia and imagined strangers around every corner, ready to charge in. To shoot her or to beat her. To take her away from him. To kill her. To ruin his life. He poured another glass and put it to his lips. Just one more ... He started enjoying the burn in his throat and closed his eyes._

 _He shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts while he set the glass down. This wasn't helping. He was having flashbacks of the first time he had tried to escape from his troubles by drowning them in alcohol. He was holding Jenna again, bleeding, dying in his arms. He was back in that bedroom, finding his wife with another man. He was looking at Olivia's dead body in a hospital bed. Drinking wasn't the answer. It only confronted him with more horrors he wanted to forget. He couldn't go down that same road again. He had lost so much to the bottle once. He had hurt Olivia and he still couldn't thank God enough that she had been willing to take him back. So what was he doing now? Jeopardizing everything again? His fist landed on the kitchen counter with a thud. This was wrong. Drinking himself into oblivion was not the answer. It wouldn't change anything for the better. Only for the worse._

 _He picked up the bottle and smashed it in the sink. He cut his hand on the broken glass and the sting of pain was sobering. He turned on the water and washed his hands, rinsing the blood off and cooling his wrists with the cold water. He flopped on the couch and just sat there, staring at the wall. His stomach was churning, disagreeing with its content. He had not eaten yet and the alcohol would soon enter his blood stream. He went to the bathroom and stuck two fingers in his throat, trying to throw up into the toilet to get rid of the liquor that was already in his stomach. He wasn't sure if he managed to get it all out again but part of it was gone at least. Then he called his sponsor to ask if there was a meeting he could go to. He couldn't do this alone and if he truly cared about his new life with Olivia, he would have to swallow his pride and accept help._

 _There was a midnight AA meeting and he confessed to a group of strangers that he had taken a drink. Well, two. They were supportive and complimented him for not finishing the entire bottle. Applauded his action to call his sponsor and confirmed that he had too much to live for to let the alcohol consume him again. And that it was no solution to whatever was eating at him. He did not share details about what had caused him to go for the bottle with the group, but he had a heart-to-heart with his sponsor after the meeting. Greg invited him to come home with him so they could talk more privately. He was grateful for the company. He couldn't be alone right now. They had fixed themselves something to eat while they talked and Greg had offered him his spare bedroom for the night, which he had accepted._

 _Elliot couldn't remember the last time he had poured his heart out to anyone like that. They talked about their ex-wives and their children, about the jobs they used to have and what had gone wrong. Greg had lost his job and his marriage to alcohol and his kids wanted nothing to do with him anymore. But he had a new girlfriend, just like Elliot, and he wasn't going to lose her._

 _'I don't want to lose Olivia either,' Elliot sighed. 'But I feel like I can't protect her. And I'm a coward for turning to the bottle again. I feel useless.'_

...

 **Why didn't Elliot go to the hospital that morning? What will Olivia say? Leave a review, it helps me make decisions about details in upcoming chapters!**


	32. Chapter 32

**Here we go again. Oh, and if you haven't yet, please check out my other story "An Understanding" as well. It's totally different from this one. If you decide to read it, do let me know what you think of it!**  
 **Now, let's get back to Elliot's confession ...**

32.

 _Elliot couldn't remember the last time he had poured his heart out to anyone like that. They talked about their ex-wives and their children, about the jobs they used to have and what had gone wrong. Greg had lost his job and his marriage to alcohol and his kids wanted nothing to do with him anymore. But he had a new girlfriend, just like Elliot, and he wasn't going to lose her._

 _'I don't want to lose Olivia either,' Elliot sighed. 'But I feel like I can't protect her. And I'm a coward for turning to the bottle again. I feel useless.'_

Olivia scooted closer to him on the couch and wrapped her good arm around his waist. She was so relieved that Elliot had not disappeared on her again and had pushed her own painful memories aside for now.

'You are not useless Elliot,' she told him softly. 'But you are also not a super hero. You can't be everywhere and you will just have to trust me and the people I work with to keep each other safe.'

'You aren't mad at me?' He couldn't believe she was being so kind to him. She knew first hand how much damage alcohol could do. She should be afraid of him.

'I will understand if you kick me out Liv.'

 _'Mad_ at you? Elliot, I'm _proud_ of you!'

He turned to face her, completely baffled. She was proud of him? He had failed, how could she be proud of him? But her eyes were full of love and reassurance. He was trying to understand what she meant.

'El, you were tempted but you didn't go for it. Not really. You didn't get drunk, you got help. I know how difficult that is. Believe me, I do.'

He smiled at her and nodded. Yes, she knew. She hardly ever accepted help from anyone, even from him. He had asked for help but he was still afraid. He would continue to worry about her and about his ability to handle it all.

'But what if it gets too much again?' he sighed. 'What if I can't control myself next time Liv? I felt like I was back in that horrible place after I shot Jenna. I don't ever want to go there again but seeing you shot it's ... I was afraid to go to sleep because I knew I would have nightmares. I was up all night and I just couldn't face you this morning. I'm so sorry I wasn't there to pick you up. I wanted to run. I did ... I walked around for hours. I didn't want you to deal with an alcoholic all over again. But I couldn't. I couldn't leave you again. I promised you I wouldn't ...'

His voice broke and he bowed his head.

'I won't leave you unless you tell me to leave.'

Olivia bit her lip. She was feeling his pain as well as her own. She would have to be strong right now and she knew she needed to say something he could hold on to but she couldn't promise him that she was never going to get hurt again. They still didn't know who had shot her and there might be others. He would have to try and live in the moment. And at this moment, he needed to know she was alright. They were alright. Despite her own worries, she had to reach out to him. She pulled him close to her and kissed him gently on the cheek, her own need to feel him matching his need to feel her. He turned his head to face her and she looked into his eyes, willing him to believe her.

'I don't want you to leave El.' She kissed him on the lips. 'Stop worrying.' She kissed him again, more forcefully. 'I'm here now.' And again, and this time he started kissing her back. 'Don't think about yesterday.' Another longer kiss. 'Don't think about tomorrow.' She moaned when his tongue found hers and she felt his hands move across her thighs and up to her waist. 'Just think about today. About ...' Kiss. 'Right.' Kiss. 'Now.'

...

Elliot had cried. She had never seen him so broken. He had been so gentle and caring with her. So grateful, which she felt he didn't need to be at all. He had led her to the bed carefully because she needed to rest. When she had pulled him along with her, he had just held her at first. But she wanted him to know that she was safe with him, and he was safe with her. She was the one with the fresh bullet holes but she was also the one who had to take the lead for now. She knew he couldn't resist her if she made an effort. She started kissing him languidly and he did not disappoint.

Their slow kisses soon heated up and Elliot started working his magic once again with his fingers. His right hand found its way inside her pants while his left hand kept stroking her hair. He was getting the hang of it, he told her, grinning widely and she could see him relax while making love to her with his hand. Soon his lips found their way down her face and neck and he tugged at the buttons of her blouse to find her breasts. She was still fully clothed but he managed to pull her bra down far enough to start massaging her nipples with his lips and his tongue. Meanwhile, his fingers continued working, slipping and twisting inside her and creating a throbbing need in her. Her picked up the pace when her hips started meeting his hand. He wouldn't go all the way himself because of her injury but soon sent her over the edge, gasping his name. When she relaxed, curling up against him, she finally cried as well. She let out the despair she had felt when she couldn't find him and when she had found the bottle. She admitted that she had feared he was gone again and that she couldn't go through that again. He kept saying how much he loved her and that she couldn't leave him, and that he would not leave again. They clung to each other, desperately needing to feel each other. They laughed through their tears when they realized that they were becoming even closer to each other by crying together. And when they had said all that needed to be said, they both drifted off to sleep.

...

Nick called Olivia later that afternoon to check up on her and to update her on their progress. Or rather, their lack of progress. Elliot answered her phone because she was still resting, and Nick was glad to hear he had resurfaced. Nick explained that he and Fin had visited his old partner, Louis Montero, who had taken a bullet for him ten years ago. His daughter suggested that Escobar, the man who had shot her father, might be behind the shootings. He was serving a life sentence in Attica. They had been following leads and had talked to a possible accomplice but without results. Nick and Fin had gone back to Escobar to 'convince' him to talk. Elliot was beginning to like Nick, who clearly meant they had roughed the guy up. However, when Escobar's girlfriend turned up dead after being shot by a sniper, they had to rule him out as a possible instigator of the attacks. Nick told him they were going back to his old partner to go over the notes he used to keep about their cases.

'Any news?' Olivia asked, slowly walking out of the bedroom into the living room. Elliot rushed to her side but she laughed. 'I can walk Elliot, I'm not an invalid!'

He insisted on supporting her until she had sat down and she had to admit the pain in her shoulder was starting to become pretty unbearable. He promised her he would run over to get her pain meds right away. First, he brought her up to speed on the case. They could only hope Nick and Louis would find something useful. Still, it was strange that it might be someone who had held a grudge against Nick and his team for ten years.

When Elliot returned she took her pain meds and sat back on the couch while Elliot fixed them something to eat. While they ate quietly, she had an idea.

'Listen El, why don't we get both our minds off the case for a while. Did you set up an appointment with that real estate broker yet? Maybe he can come over today.'

Olivia knew Elliot needed the distraction. She really was proud of how he had handled the temptation of the alcohol but she was worried about him nonetheless. He needed something positive to focus on. He agreed and called the broker, and one of their people happened to be in Manhattan and could come over to see them around 6.30 pm. She could see Elliot was finding solid ground again, seeing that he hadn't lost anything to his mistake. And since she would have some free time on her hands due to her injury, they might as well spend it scouting for houses.

They agreed on three addresses they would want to visit and scheduled an appointment with the broker to take a look at the houses. Olivia wouldn't be back on active duty for a week and Elliot had enough time to arrange an afternoon off from his job, so the appointment was set on Wednesday of the next week. Two of the houses they were interested in were in Brooklyn and Olivia grinned at Elliot when he asked her if she had ever thought she would consider moving there.

'Never,' she admitted, 'but that was back when I had no one to move with.'

The smile in her eyes warmed his heart and he was beginning to believe they were going to be okay. He sat down beside her and pulled her in carefully for a kiss. He wanted to pull back when she intensified the kiss but she would not let him, and hopped on his lap in stead.

'I'm not made of glass El,' she whispered, making a trail of kisses slowly along his jaw and his neck down to his collarbone. She felt his hands gripping her hips but he was still afraid to hurt her shoulder.

'It's only been a day Liv,' he told her, but she silenced him with another kiss.

'Live in the moment El. Come on, let's be creative. Make love to me. I need to feel that you're really here.'

How could he refuse her? Her eyes sparkled when he lifted her up carefully and carried her back to the bedroom. He helped her get undressed and put the sling back on, and undressed himself very slowly after that. It earned him some very impatient grunts from Olivia and he enjoyed teasing her a little. When she decided that two could play that game and began stroking herself, he was suddenly in a hurry too and kicked off his pants and briefs quickly.

'I don't want to hurt you,' he told her when he hovered over her, kissing her good shoulder lovingly.

'Help me up,' Olivia told him, and he helped her sit up. She told him to lay down and then straddled him with a grin.

'How's that?' she asked, looking down at him seductively. He reached up to caress her breasts and groaned.

'You are so perfect,' he whispered. She tried to lean in to kiss him but winced at the sting of pain in her shoulder. No kissing then, but his hands and her one hand quickly found others ways to excite each other and themselves. Their breaths quickened as they explored each others' bodies with their hands and Olivia moved her hips, causing a friction that made them both moan. Elliot reached between them to position himself better, and stroked her wetness while tilting his hips to allow her to move over him. She leaned back, eyes closed, and slowly slid into place, revelling in the feeling of their bodies merging together. The pain in her shoulder was forgotten as she started to move. When they picked up the pace, Elliot held her in place, making sure she wouldn't topple forward and hurt herself. He moved his legs up a little, digging his heels into the mattress, so she wouldn't fall backwards either. He watched her move on top of him and didn't see the bandages and the sling anymore. All he could see was how beautiful she was. He was careful not to buck up too hard but the surges of excitement coursing through his body soon made him forget everything and he moved with her as her sighing and moaning became more intense. Olivia cried out but it wasn't in pain. He called her name and held her tight when they both reached their climax together. As soon as he was able, he sat up and moved his hands to her back. He turned her around slowly to help her lay down beside him, while they were still panting and coming down from their high. She kissed him lovingly and smiled. She could always make him forget his worries. She was here. She was safe. She was his.

...


	33. Chapter 33

**This chapter moves from "Poisoned Motive" to "Brief Interlude", episode 23 of season 14.**

32.

Nick called Olivia again that night, letting her know that his former partner was confessing to all three shootings. She convinced Elliot to let her go see the man for herself and he took her to the station. They listened in with Nick and the Captain while Fin and Rollins questioned Louis. He told them about how he lost his job after being shot by Escobar and subsequently losing his wife to cancer because they couldn't afford proper medical care. When Fin asked him why he shot Olivia, he blamed Nick. Nick hadn't even shown up at his wife's funeral but always had time for Olivia.

It was difficult to hear and Nick was feeling incredibly guilty. But Olivia doubted if Louis was really their man. How could he have disappeared so quickly after shooting her when he could hardly walk? He could have gotten all the details he was 'confessing' to now from his police scanner.

'Liv, he handed me the gun,' Nick said. It was a pretty unique piece that Louis said he had kept after an undercover operation.

'Doesn't mean he's the shooter,' she maintained. 'Did anyone else have access to the weapon?'

Just the daughter, he told her.

'How old is she?' Olivia asked.

'Twenty-five. She's in the police academy.'

Fin and Amanda came out of the interrogation room, and all but Olivia were convinced they had the right guy. She asked them why he hadn't shot Nick or his supervisor. The people who got shot were the people next to them, so maybe the daughter wanted them to suffer the same way she had suffered when her father got shot and had to go on disability. Cragen looked the daughter up in the computer and found out that she had been kicked out of the academy two months earlier. Louis had not mentioned it but he must have pieced together what his daughter had done when he heard about the type of gun used in the shootings.

'Nick, he took a bullet for you. Don't you think he'd take one for his daughter?' Olivia asked him.

Cragen ordered his detectives to find Gloria and then asked Elliot to take Olivia home.

'I don't want to see her here again until she gets the all clear from her doctor,' he said sternly.

'You heard the man Liv,' Elliot said and she followed him out reluctantly while everyone else rushed out to find Gloria.

...

 **A/N: I'm taking Olivia out of the rest of episode 22 - she needs to get well and has other things to do :)**

Elliot and Olivia didn't hear about the hostage situation until afterwards. Gloria had been arrested and made a full confession. Olivia hoped it would help Elliot worry less about her, but she knew he would still struggle with it. But being out checking out houses was a lot of fun. They were weighing houses, neighbourhoods and the distance to Manhattan against each other but once Olivia had fallen completely in love with a single family house in Kensington, the choice had basically been made. Elliot had a job as well as a pension and some savings from selling his previous house after the divorce. Olivia had some money stashed away that her mother had left her. It would be no problem to get a mortgage for the remaining amount and they let the broker make an offer on the house. He called them the next day to let them know the offer had been accepted.

Olivia was beaming. They had actually bought a house. Together. She and Elliot. It was like a dream. They drove over to the house again that weekend. Their broker had given them his key and the previous owner had already moved out so they had permission to take another look around. They tried to picture their furniture there and Olivia decided the kitchen cupboards needed a fresh coat of paint because they were too dark. She walked outside through the back door and stood on the porch. The garden wasn't big but it was the first garden she had ever owned. It was almost completely surrounded by trees but they didn't block out the sunlight too much. She could already see herself sitting in the sun on the porch and somehow, she pictured herself looking out at the small yard where children were playing. She looked at Elliot, who was standing next to her. He looked peaceful. His unrest and worry had been replaced with something she could only describe as serenity. He had attended several AA meetings over the past week and had come to terms with his mistake. He was still in control of himself and did not deny having a problem and needing help. He wasn't anything like her mother had been.

He looked at her while she looked out over the garden. She was deep in thought but she was smiling slightly. She looked happy despite the fresh scars of bullet holes on her body. He knew she would be going back to work that Monday. Her job was part of her and of her happiness. He couldn't take that away from her. She wouldn't let him and he wasn't going to try. He would have to find a way to cope with the uncertainty and was learning to live more in the moment. And this moment was just about perfect. He moved to stand behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. She leaned against him and sighed contently.

'Happy?' he asked her and she turned her head to look up at him.

'Yes.'

He kissed her softly on the cheek and she put her right hand on his right cheek. 'Thank you Elliot.'

'For what?'

'For giving me this new life. You, a home, a family ...'

He rubbed his cheek against hers and pulled her closer to him.

'I want to give you everything you've ever wanted,' he said against the skin of her neck.

'I know,' she whispered, and her thoughts drifted off again, to her vision of children playing in the back yard. She had to swallow a small lump in her throat. Elliot sensed something, because he turned her around so she was facing him.

'What are you thinking now?' he asked, her, slightly worried because of the hint of tears in her eyes.

'Nothing,' she said quickly. 'I'm just a little overwhelmed.'

He tilted his head as if contemplating her answer. Sometimes she wished he didn't know her so well. She looked down and wasn't sure she was ready to tell him what she had been thinking about.

'Olivia Benson overwhelmed. Right.'

She smiled and looked at him again.

'It happens!'

He nodded slightly.

'El, it's not like all of this is coming naturally for me. I've been alone all my life, remember? I know you've done this before but it's all new for me. Why can't I be overwhelmed for once?'

He realized, although she had been around the block, that there were still things Olivia Benson was a newbie at. And he was only too happy to help her adjust. He kissed her forehead gently and didn't ask any further. They walked back into the house, which would soon be theirs.

'When do we get the keys again?' Elliot asked.

'May first,' Olivia replied. 'It's on a Wednesday so I guess we will start painting and cleaning up the weekend after. That's just two weeks from now. I will be able to use my arm properly again by then. And if we keep our apartments until June first, we have a whole month to get things ready and move in.'

'Maybe we don't need a whole month. We could ask the kids to help us.'

She hadn't thought of that and she liked the idea. His kids would always be welcome in their new home and Eli could pick out his new room, where he would stay when he was with his father. They looked upstairs again and stood in the middle of their future bedroom.

'This room needs to be broken in,' Elliot grinned but Olivia laughed and suggested they wait until there was an actual bed in it. They left the house, knowing that the next time they set foot in it, it would be officially theirs.

...

Olivia's wounds were healing properly and she was eager to work again. She had been home a full week and on desk duty for three days before she was finally allowed to go outside again. They were trying to find out what had happened to a woman who had ended up raped and in a coma in a row boat with Extasy in her system. It felt good to be out again. They were checking a hotel room where their victim had apparently stayed but Olivia noticed that she was not just paying attention to details they needed for the case. Even though the room had been ransacked and there was sexy underwear everywhere, she also noticed details of the furniture and how the room had been dressed and her mind drifted to the house that would soon be her home. She smiled at herself. _Quit being such a girl, Benson,_ she told herself. _You're a cop!_ But she wasn't just a cop anymore. She had not expected the change in her personal life to have such a profound impact on her. She was actually thinking about maybe wanting a baby after all ...

Nick tried to get her attention and she tried to shake off the disturbing thoughts in her head. Was she actually thinking about being something other than a cop? Like a mother? Elliot would have no trouble providing for them. He was only paying child support for Eli now and she would be entitled to a pension soon too ...

'Liv!'

'Yeah, sorry.'

Nick showed her a Canadian passport, confirming Melinda's suspicion that the woman was not a US resident. They went through some security footage at the hotel and found a live chat link to the family of their victim. Seeing two young boys, eager to speak with their mom, Olivia was focused again. The next day, she met the boys in person at the hospital. She didn't know why she was feeling so emotional about this case. Surely, she had seen worse cases and victims with families. While they worked the case, following lead after lead, their victim passed away in the hospital. The husband was devastated and they didn't quite know what to tell him. They did find the homeless man who had attacked her and found her phone on him. At least they would have her last video message to watch. She couldn't imagine the pain of having just memories and a recording of her loved ones after so many years together. Or her loved ones of her ...

...

Kathleen was very excited about the new house. She had insisted on going over there with them the very day they had signed the contracts and had received all the keys. They drove to Brooklyn with Kathleen that Wednesday evening. Elliot grinned at Olivia while his daughter walked around the empty rooms, decorating them in her mind and spouting all kinds of ideas. Olivia rolled her eyes at him. This was going to be fun, she thought sarcastically. She had her own ideas about what she wanted and there were some things she just wanted to decide with Elliot alone. But he assured her there were more troops coming and she would absolutely be in charge. They let Kathleen roam the house on her own, while they made a list of paint colors and other things they would need. It would be a lot of work and she was glad they still had their apartments. Elliot suggested they start packing up things at their apartments that they would not need right away and make some choices regarding which furniture to keep and which to get rid of.

'And which to buy brand new,' Olivia added. 'I really would like a new bed for us. You know, one that only we have ever slept in.'

Elliot thought it was a great idea and added that they would be able to get their new master bedroom ready before actually moving everything else.

'That way, we can take a nap every now and then when we get tired of painting and cleaning,' he said and she pinched his butt just before Kathleen joined them again.

'This is such a cool place dad!' she exclaimed. 'Two bathrooms and four bedrooms! You planning on making some more little Stablers?'

Elliot was shocked at the question and looked at Olivia, who's face was turning an interesting shade of pink. He wanted to rescue her but his daughter had already noticed Olivia's change of color and, never being very subtle, gave her a big hug immediately.

'O my God, you _are_! Or has he knocked you up already?'

'Kathleen!' Elliot said sternly, 'What kind of thing is that to say! We've only been together for six months.'

'Right. Who are you kidding dad. You and Olivia have been together like _forever_.'

He couldn't really argue with that, but the shock on Olivia's face hadn't worn off yet so he had to try and stop his daughter's rant.

'Yeah, well, that was different. Now please calm down before you chase Olivia away completely.'

He walked over to Olivia and put his arms around her protectively. 'Don't worry honey, that crazy girl is leaving soon, she's not gonna hurt you.' he joked.

Olivia grinned and kissed his jaw while returning his hug. She didn't quite know how to feel but she was glad he was saving her right now. Kathleen rolled her eyes and said she would leave the 'kids' alone and was going to check out the porch and the yard. Elliot looked at Olivia and she kissed him softly on the lips. She knew he wanted to ask her about what Kathleen had said but she wasn't ready to talk about it. When he took a breath to say something, she kissed him again, less softly and after a second he succumbed and returned the kiss. They were still all tangled up and kissing each other passionately when Kathleen returned to the living room. She coughed loudly and Olivia smiled against Elliot's lips. Kathleen didn't have a subtle bone in her body.

'Alright, we'll take you home Kathleen,' Elliot sighed, still looking into Olivia's beautiful brown eyes. 'Just make sure you are ready to be a cleaning lady next weekend!'

'Cleaning lady?' Kathleen said with disgust. 'I thought I'd be your interior decorator!'

He turned around to his daughter and said, 'Sorry kid, Liv's in charge in this house. You can help, but she decides.'

...

The twins joined them that Saturday and they all managed to clean the entire house in one day. Olivia had started sand-papering the cupboards of the kitchen and was looking forward to painting them a very light cream colour. The entire house had light wooden flooring which was actually in good shape and she wanted a dark dining table and chairs. The walls were all white and aside from the guest bedrooms, they weren't changing that. They were keeping her white couch and Maureen was looking for a few matching arm chairs and a carpet to go with it. The living area was a lot bigger than Olivia was used to and she wondered if the house wouldn't seem empty, but Maureen assured her it would be too full in no time.

'That's what happens when you have more space, it just fills up. It always does.'

The new bed and matching night stands were delivered the next week, as well as a huge closet that covered an entire wall of their bedroom. They had fun assembling everything after the troups had left for the day. They didn't have any bedding yet for the King size bed but that didn't stop them from trying it out by jumping on it like two little kids. They didn't have curtains yet either so Elliot convinced Olivia that they really couldn't go any further than that. There would be time enough to break in the bed later, he promised her.

They were working diligently and their second week, it was beginning to look like a home already. There were all kinds of supplies in the kitchen and they had put their winter clothes in a closet in one of the guest rooms that they were using for storage for the time being. They had ordered curtains for their bedroom and all the rooms downstairs. Eli had come over and had picked a room. They would work on getting it ready with him after they had moved in, so he could pick out everything himself. Kathy had relaxed a little about letting Eli see his father and they were working on new custody arrangements.

Back in her apartment, there were several boxes stacked in her living room. She was already starting to say goodbye to the place that she had called home for years. It felt right to be working at the new house, gradually making it a real home for the two of them. Having Elliot's kids over to help out felt really good too. She actually had a family now. Sometimes she would worry though. Nothing had ever worked out for her. Why would it work out this time? But it was different with Elliot. They had known each other forever, as Kathleen had put it, and they were still here. In the end, it made sense to end up with him. It would work out. It had to.

...

They decided to take a break and take the Sunday off from working at the house. They had two more weeks left before they had to be out of their apartments and they were tired. Very tired. They headed out to go to a sports bar to watch a ball game with some of Elliot's friends. Then she got a call. It was Amanda and she sounded tense. She had arrested a flasher in the park and had a feeling there was something very wrong with the man. She asked her if she could come in. Amanda wouldn't ask if it wasn't important so she told Elliot she had to go. Elliot was happily watching the game and just told her to be safe. Olivia headed to the station to take a look at the shady character that Amanda was so worried about ...

...

 **Well, we all know where this is headed ... please leave a review and also let me know what you think should or should not happen in the next chapters ...**


	34. Chapter 34

**Thanks for the input so far. I'd really like some more after this chapter to see how you like the direction I'm taking with Lewis ...**

34.

Amanda had actually called everyone in, even Barba showed up a little later.

'You called us all in on a Sunday for a lewdness mis-D?' Cragen asked her incredulously.

'There's more,okay.' Amanda maintained. 'The perp, William Lewis, if that's his real name, he's got no ID, he's unemployed, he says he lives at a half-way house in Brooklyn ...'

'So he has a record,' Liv said.

Amanda told them he should, but she couldn't find anything because she couldn't run his prints. They were all burned off. 'Both hands, fresh. He claims it's a kitchen accident.'

She believed this man would not have stopped at flashing and was proud that her dog had chased the perp.

'Captain, I got a feeling about this guy,' Amanda said.

Cragen got that but he wouldn't let her interrogate him herself. He sent in Nick and Olivia because he wanted fresh eyes. Amanda and Fin could interview the girls while Cragen attended to Alice Parker, the lady who had taken a picture of the flasher in the act.

Cragen seemed quite taken with Ms. Parker, who told him she had seen their perp in the park before. She thought he was a predator.

Amanda was right. The guy was a creep. He was putting on an innocent act but there was something very wrong with him. Olivia got very disturbing vibes from him. He even called her out on her 'attitude' while questioning him and finally asked for an attorney.

'This guy's a piece of work,' Olivia said when they left the interrogation room.

'Good call Amanda,' Nick added.

...

Barba tried to get Lewis to plead guilty in exchange for time served so they could get his DNA, but he declined. Since Barba had just been willing to let him walk, no bail was set and the case was held over for trial. Barba encouraged them to keep digging to give him more ammo against Lewis. The next news they got was horrible. Alice Parker had been tortured and raped violently. She told Olivia it was Lewis. He had been in her apartment with a gun. He had tied her up and had burned her and then had done indescribable things to her. Tortured her for eighteen hours at gunpoint. They found pans on the stove with keys and hangers, and lots of sigaret buds. She had been raped, burned and branded.

...

Elliot tried to get her to calm down but Olivia was running on overdrive. She had hardly eaten any of her dinner. Amanda's gut had been so right. She was pacing in her apartment. That poor woman. Fin and Amanda were on a stake-out and she could only hope they would find him soon. The evidence in Ms. Parker's apartment was overwhelming and he was looking at hard time.

'Liv, would you just sit down for a minute?' Elliot pleaded, although he knew she wouldn't calm down. The case was getting to her and she wouldn't stop until it was over. He remembered how they used to go at it together but he was a bystander now. He could make suggestions but he wasn't on the case. They were supposed to be at the house but Olivia would be on call continuously now and wanted to stay close while she still could. This case was their number one priority now. Cragen was livid that the kind lady had been brutalized and had his best detectives working around the clock.

'If you want your old job back, now would be a good time El,' Olivia told him. It was supposed to be a joke but she wasn't smiling as she flopped next to him on the couch. 'You know, once we don't have these apartments anymore, I think it will be back to the cribs for cases like this.'

'And you'd like me to join you there, of course,' Elliot grinned and she finally smiled a real smile. She kissed his nose and he pulled her in for a hug. Just then, her phone rang and she jumped up to answer it.

'They got him!' she said, and he knew she was leaving again.

...

He was so smug. She wanted to wipe that cocky grin off his face. And now he wanted sympathy for his poor living conditions. Fat chance.

'What you did to her, you're lucky I didn't kick your teeth in,' she hissed in his face.

'What I did ... you should be so lucky someone did that to you,' Lewis said quietly.

Nick jumped in, angry, but Olivia smiled and told him it was okay. She was getting him to talk.

'I wanna hear this,' she said. 'I should be so lucky. How?'

She sat down close to him and let him tell her all the gory details. He managed to keep it all hypothetical though, it wasn't a confession. She was getting to him but he was getting to her also. Reading her, probing her with his sick mind. He told him she might want to know how at the beginning, the lady had begged for her life, but by the morning time, she was begging him to take her out of her misery.

'Which one do you think I enjoyed more?' he asked her just before his young attorney came in and dismissed them.

While Lewis faked a suicide attempt to avoid a lineup and was granted a psychological evaluation to see if he was fit to stand trial, Amanda finally succeeded in getting Lewis' records. He had managed to avoid conviction at every turn, however horrendous his crimes were. He surprised them when he told the judge that he wanted a trial and was remanded until then.

Their key witness was Ms. Parker. And then she died. Melinda ruled it a heart attack. Lewis wouldn't take a deal and his young attorney told Barba 'Mr. Lewis believes that detective Benson and SVU have a vendetta against him.' He was getting to her again and he knew it.

...

The trial was a disaster. She couldn't believe he was walking again. The DNA had been compromised and the judge declared a mistrial. His legal aid attorney had actually posted his bail so he was out. Amanda wanted to go out and shoot him but Fin reassured them he would take her out for a drink in stead.

'Liv?' he asked her.

'Ah, rain check. I've barely been home this week,' she replied. Some quality time with Elliot would really do her some good.

'Well, go home. Stay there, two days,' Cragen ordered. 'You show up for work, I'll have you arrested.'

She smiled and complied. There was nothing they could do now anyway.

...

Elliot knew the Lewis case was getting to Olivia and he wanted to help her get her mind off things for a while. He had switched shifts with a co-worker, promising he would make it up to him. Olivia had not been home much so she had not noticed he had taken an earlier shift. He would be off work early and planned on surprising her at their new house. Some of the new furniture had already been delivered there and the curtains had also just arrived. He went out to get two sets of bed linen, four fluffy pillows, and a huge all-seasons comforter. He also bought several scented candles and headed to their new house. Their new home.

...

The apartment was dark when Olivia got home, and she switched on the light in the kitchen. She had just set her purse, keys and phone on the counter when she heard a noise in the living room area. She walked into the darkened room slowly and then heard his voice.

'Welcome home, detective Benson.'

She froze. All of her detective instincts were screaming at her to do something but she was frozen in place. This was not happening. That man was not here, in her apartment.

'I see you were planning on moving without telling me. Now that's not nice, is it?'

His gun was pointed at her forehead and he stepped closer to her. She knew what this man was capable of and her mind was racing. How did he get in here? Why hadn't she reached for her gun when she heard a noise? Nobody was supposed to be there, Elliot was working. She should have had her gun ready.  
She had just dropped her things on the kitchen counter, including her phone. Lewis had come even closer and traced her jawline with his gun, daring her to make a move. She felt she was slowly starting to panic. She still looked unfazed on the outside but her guts were in knots. She knew he wasn't going to kill her right away. She was his prey and he was going to do to her what he had done to those other women, unless she could talk him out of it. She took a breath to speak but his hand moved fast and his gun came crashing down on her skull. Everything went black.

...

Elliot got everything ready. The living room was now almost completely furnished, except for Olivia's white couch that was still in her apartment. They had also moved most of her kitchenware already, since they usually ate at his place or ordered in. He put all the curtains in place and prepared their bedroom for their first night. Olivia had opted for wall-to-wall carpeting in the bedroom, a soft, fluffy kind and he could see them have a lot of fun there, on the bed as well as off the bed. He was planning on taking her out to dinner and then surprise her with a visit to the house to spend the night there for the first time.

...

Her head was throbbing and she was keeping her eyes closed. She tried to move but couldn't. Slowly, she opened her eyes. What was going on? Where was she and why couldn't she move? A hard thump next to her head startled her.

'Hey! There she is!' she heard a man say. 'Big beautiful brown eyes. So beautiful.' She blinked a few times, trying to open her eyes wider, and trying desperately to understand what position she was in, literally and figuratively. She turned her head to look up. It was Lewis ... He kept talking to her while she took in her surroundings. She was in her apartment, tied up and with duct tape across her mouth. Suddenly Lewis lifted her up and she noticed she was tied to a chair. One of her own chairs. She felt woozy, like she had too much to drink, and her head hurt like hell. Lewis offered to take the tape off her mouth and she nodded but he pushed her gun in her face, warning her not to scream or he would shove it down her throat. She spat in his face as soon as the tape was off. She told him to just shoot her but that would be the end game, Lewis said.

'We've got a lot of shock and awe to go before we do that,' he told her. Her stomach lurched when she saw him wipe off her saliva from his face and lick it from his own fingers. This was not happening. She would get out of here and he would be put away for good this time. He sat across from her and grabbed her face, forcing her mouth open. Just when he was going to pour some vodka down her throat, her phone rang. She knew it was Elliot and she prayed he would know something was off if she didn't pick up. Lewis let it go to voicemail and she told him it was probably her boyfriend and he should be on his way to her place.

'Boyfriend huh?'

'Yes.'

'Does he have keys?'

'Yes he does.'

Elliot was going to be her salvation. She always answered his calls. Thank God he lived across the street. He'd be there any minute. But Lewis didn't need to know that so she tried to talk him down while he played back Elliot's message on her phone. She suggested he could still walk away and they could pretend he had never been there. He pulled her top down a bit and she winced at the contact. Why was her skin on fire? He had burned her with cigarettes while she was unconsious? Those burns would be pretty hard to pretend away, he told her.

Lewis had finished listening to Elliot's message and played it back for her while stroking her hair. She was disgusted by his touch and listened intently to Elliot's message.

 _'Hey honey, you don't have your phone on you? Listen, I'd like to take you out to dinner tonight to get your mind off things for a while. How 'bout it, pick you up at seven? Call me back? Love you.'_

'Aaw, how cute. He loves you. You always pick up your phone?'

'I do.'

'So how do we keep him from getting worried? I have less time with you here than I thought, so we are going to make the most of it!'

She sighed, trying not to think of all the things this monster had planned for her. He should let her call Elliot back but she knew he wouldn't. It would be too easy to convey to him that there was something wrong. Maybe he would let her text him in stead.

'Let me send him a text message,' she said flatly.

He patted her head gently but suddenly grabbed her face and squeezed it.

'Sure,' he hissed in her face. 'And you'll just send him some secret code that will make him come over even faster. Not a chance sweetheart!'

'Okay, so you type it,' she tried again. He let go of her face and she took a few deep breaths while he contemplated her suggestion. She and Elliot were so in sync that even the slightest hint would make him realize something was off. Her mind was racing. _Think Benson, think!_ Then it came to her in a moment of absolute clarity.

'If you tell him I'll meet him at the restaurant, he won't come here for a while.'

It sounded logical, she knew it. Unless you're practically neighbors. Then it would be anything but logical. She was glad some of her wits were coming back even if she still felt like she was tipsy. She could see Lewis mulling over her words. He was buying it and she tried to keep a straight face. She closed her eyes, pretending to be in pain, so her eyes wouldn't betray the slight feeling of victory she was experiencing. She knew she wasn't there yet. If Elliot wasn't home right now, it might still take some time for him to get to her.

'Hmmmm,' she heard Lewis hum. 'Not bad. What's the catch?'

She felt her chin start to tremble involuntarily and she immediately decided she would play the worried girlfriend card.

'No catch Lewis,' she sighed. 'Just get it over with. It's me you want to hurt, not him.'

She had him. He believed her and she felt tears of relief well up in her eyes.

'You really love the guy that much huh?'

He sounded annoyed and for a few seconds she worried he might not send the text after all and just lash out at her again. She turned her face away from him but he pulled her hair to make her look at him again.

'Here's what I am going to text him,' he told her, while typing on her phone. _'Just tying up some loose ends. No need to pick me up. Text me the address and I'll meet you there around 7.30 ok?'_ He stared at her to gauge her reaction. She didn't give him any. It was 5.30 pm and he would think they had over two hours before Elliot would notice she wasn't meeting him at the restaurant. He was probably thinking about all the things he could do to her in two hours. Lewis hit the send button and she squeezed her eyes shut again. She knew he was still going to hurt her.

...

Elliot frowned. First she wasn't answering her phone and now this text? He had just left the house and was on his way back to Manhattan. No need to pick her up? As if that would be a gigantic detour. Something was off. He tried calling her again but it went to voicemail again. He didn't leave another message. Maybe the sound was off because she was still working? No, she always had the sound on. This wasn't like Olivia. He shook his head. He couldn't shake off the feeling of unrest that had come over him. He pulled over and texted her the address of the restaurant, adding he would meet her there. He wouldn't of course and drove on a bit faster. He was going straight to her apartment but he felt he needed to play along with her text message, just in case ... he shook his head again. She was fine. She had to be.

...

Lewis was forcing her to drink pure vodka again, hitting her in the face each time she wouldn't swallow. He added some pills too. No wonder she was feeling woozy. Her phone beeped and he walked over to the side table to pick it up. He grinned when he read Elliot's message.

'You like Italian food? It's a classy place. Pity you'll never get there.'

She hung her head, pretending defeat but realizing Elliot had gotten the message. He was coming. She would be okay. He was on his way. Suddenly Lewis yanked her head back by her hair. She felt his hot breath on her lips when he told her,

'I will have some fun with you first. And once your boy toy does show up, we'll have some fun with him as well. Now, let's move this party to the bedroom.'

...

 **Please leave a review!**


	35. Chapter 35

**Warning: some nasty stuff in this chapter! I received some interesting (and conflicting) input on how to deal with Lewis but I decided to follow most of my original plan in the end. I'm just extending Lewis' role a bit. It's completely different from the actual show from here on but I think you will agree it is in character. And I hope it will satisfy all of our need for justice and Elliot's role in the matter.**

35.

'Why is your kitchen empty!' he snarled at her.

She opened her eyes slowly and turned her head in the direction of his voice. He was standing in the doorway of her bedroom. Her bedroom ... she glanced around and tried to move. She couldn't. Her wrists were tied to the sides of the bed near the headboard, with electrical cord. _Just like Alice Parker_ , she thought. Her pants were off and her ankles were tied to the sides of the bed as well. _Her pants were off ..._ She glanced down and saw she still had her black panties and bra on. That was all she was wearing now. She was completely spread out on the mattress and in no position to exercise force in any way. She couldn't move. All of the bedding was on the floor. Her chest was burning and her arms too. Fresh cigarette burns. The rest of her body was cold and she had a splitting headache.

'You moved the entire content of your kitchen already?' she heard him snap again.

He had nothing he could put on the stove. She remembered the crime scene at Ms. Parker's apartment. The keys and coat hangers, the smell of burnt flesh ... What time was it? How long had she been out? Why wasn't Elliot here yet? What had Lewis done to her while she was unconscious?

'Well, we don't have much time anyway and I have some other games we can play,' Lewis told her, his tone now chipper again.

He walked to the foot of the bed and let his eyes roam her body. She felt incredibly exposed in just her underwear. Her hair was sticky and she didn't doubt there were blood clogs in it. She gave him her best defying stare nonetheless. He was carelessly turning her gun in his hands and pointed it at her loosely when he asked her another question.

'So, a boyfriend huh? What's he like?'

Olivia huffed but didn't speak. He didn't get to talk about Elliot.

'Does he ... satisfy you?' Lewis continued, licking his lips while he walked to the side of the bed. 'Cause you seem a little stressed out to me.'

He put a hand roughly over her breast, squeezing it, and she closed her eyes.

'Is he a breast man or an ass man? Tell me detective. I really want to know. You know, for when he joins us. If he's an ass man, we might need to flip you over.'

She was panicking. She was completely at his mercy. There was no telling when Elliot would finally get there. She was beginning to doubt if he had understood her message after all. What if he was really heading for the restaurant to wait for her there? She shook her head, trying to shake out the disturbing thoughts. No. He was coming. She had to believe that. She needed to believe that.

'What's wrong detective? You _want_ me to flip you over? Get started without him?' He was humming happily and let his hand glide all the way down one of her legs. Goosebumps formed all over her leg, which naturally Lewis would interpret as something positive.

'Alright, we will get started then. Get a little warmed up. What do you want to do first detective? Oral or anal? Or maybe ...' He leaned over and nudged her gun between her legs, 'maybe both?'

She fixed her gaze on a spot on the ceiling, determined not to let him see her fear. The safety was off and she couldn't think about what would happen if the gun was to go off. He was almost pressing the gun into her through her panties and she just held her breath until he finally put the gun aside. He walked over to her and kissed her forehead softly. She tried to turn her head away when he licked her cheek but there was nowhere to go. She had to try and suppress the feeling of panic that was constantly just below the surface. She had to keep it together until Elliot got there. She needed to stay strong and in control of herself.

...

The closer he got to the Upper West Side, the more impatient Elliot got. He needed to get to her place. He was sure of it. He had contemplated calling someone, some backup maybe, but he didn't want to stop or slow down to find a number. Besides, he still didn't know anything really. He almost ran down a pedestrian and a few people took it on themselves to stop his car by stepping in front of it, to talk to him about it. He apologized, explaining that he had an emergency, and that they were absolutely right that he had been driving recklessly. He wished he still had his badge so he could get away faster. He usually appreciated civilians jumping in to help each other but this really wasn't a good time. When he was finally on his way again, he had lost countless minutes.

...

Olivia couldn't look at him. She was tugging at her restraints but they only cut deeper into the flesh of her wrists. He had unzipped his pants and had exposed himself. He was kneeling beside her on the bed, pleasing himself with one hand while touching her chest and abdomen with his other hand.

'I know why you're so restless,' Lewis taunted her. 'You want in on the action, right? Patience sweetheart, it'll be your turn soon.'

She let out a frustrated sound when he switched hands and put his free hand over her panties.

'You like that, right? I know you do ...' he said and his breath started picking up when his excitement grew.

She tried to pretend she was somewhere else and tried to block out the way he was touching her and the excited sounds he was making. It made her sick to feel his hand on her body and she could tell he was trying to get her body to react to his touch. She knew it was possible to get aroused even during a rape. She had reassured many victims that it was not an indication that they agreed with what was being done to them. But she refused to give Lewis the satisfaction of getting to her like that. She pursed her lips together and tightened every muscle in her body to keep completely still. The amount of alcohol and drugs in her system was making her weak though, and it was exhausting to fight him this way.

Lewis kept touching himself and her simultaneously until his grunts became louder and he had to brace himself on the mattress because of his impending release. Olivia still had her eyes squeezed shut when she felt the warm fluids hit her stomach. She wanted to throw up. The gun was at the foot of the bed and she had no way of reaching it. She knew Lewis would be weakened briefly because of his physical state but if she screamed, he would have the gun on her again in seconds. So she just lay still, hoping he would need some time to recover and Elliot would get there soon.

...

When Elliot reached her building he jumped out of the car quickly. The longer he had time to think about it, the more worried he got. She still wasn't answering her phone. It kept going straight to voicemail and he suspected it had been turned off. He hit Nick's number in his contacts while walking into her building. Nick answered on the second ring, while Elliot stepped into the elevator.

'Nick, it's Elliot. Is Liv still at work?'

'No, she left some time ago, Cragen sent us all home early. Is everything alright?'

It confirmed his fears. She wasn't tying up loose ends. She was in trouble.

'I'm not sure. I'm almost at her apartment now. Can you meet me there?'

With that, he hung up and Nick stared at his phone for a few seconds before he sprung into action.

...

Lewis had recovered quickly. Too quickly. He was strutting around proudly with a fresh hard on and Olivia felt sick to her stomach again. He couldn't find any tools in her kitchen so he decided just to rip her underwear off. He had taken off his pants and was straddling her, still partially exposed, and grinned at her. He traced the outline of her black bra with his fingers before he hooked them inside and pulled at the bra, hard. The straps cut her flesh before they snapped and she gasped in pain. She wanted to scream. She wanted to move but all she could do was buck up. And that got him even more riled up.

'So impatient. So feisty.'

'Get off!' she spat.

'That's the plan baby. You and me together.'

He moved down her legs and wanted to tug her panties off. They wouldn't go down because her legs were too far apart. Olivia bit her lip, trying not to scream but she couldn't stop the guttural sound that escaped her throat.

'Getting excited huh? Don't worry, I'll get it off.'

...

Elliot listened at her door for just a few seconds, trying to decide whether to knock or to just go in. He didn't hear anything and decided to go in carefully. He missed his gun. He turned the key slowly but when he pushed the door, it wouldn't open. It had been bolted from the inside. He felt a surge of panic and before he could think he had called out her name.

'Liv!'

She heard Elliot call her name and didn't hesitate. She screamed for help at the top of her lungs. She heard him crash against her door just two seconds later and she heard him call out to her again. Lewis was on her in a second, covering her mouth with his hand.

'Oh no. I am going to do you sweetheart. He's not getting in even with a key.'

They heard Elliot crash into the door again. It didn't budge. Lewis was on top of her, trying to find the right position to push through her panties. She shook her head and bit his hand, hard.

'You bitch!' he yelled and he slapped her across the face. Then he jumped up and got her gun and a roll of duct tape. He put some tape over her mouth and grinned. Then he pointed the gun at the living room area.

 _No!_

He was going to kill Elliot on sight. She knew it. Elliot was still trying to destroy her front door. She heard wood cracking. Either the bolts or the hinges were going to give soon. She could see some insecurity on Lewis' face. He crawled over her again until his face was just an inch away from hers and pressed the gun against her cheek.

'You tricked me,' he hissed, 'and now you're gonna pay. Both of you.'

Then he got up again and started laughing. It was a hysterical laugh and it scared her. He could do anything right now. He was even more aroused than before and seemed to feed off the added danger. He walked into the living room calmly, the gun pointing straight at the door.

She wanted to scream to warn Elliot but she could do nothing. Nothing at all. It was too late. She squeezed her eyes shut and waited for the inevitable sound of a gunshot.

...


	36. Chapter 36

**Well, I worked hard to get this one ready for you guys since I got so many reviews to chapter 35. (Finished it at work, please don't tell anyone!) Enjoy!**

36.

Elliot's heart stopped when he heard the bloodcurdling cry for help from Olivia through the door. He didn't hesitate and hurled his full body weight into the door, calling out to her again. He didn't care that the door was bolted or that he might dislocate his shoulder. He was going in if it was the last thing he'd ever do. Olivia didn't scream again and that only made him try harder. He ignored the pain in his own body and slammed into the door again. He had no idea what he was going to find behind it. All he knew was Olivia was in trouble and she needed him. His mind was racing. She wasn't opening the door. Was she injured of was there someone with her? Or both? And what if she stopped screaming because she ... No, he couldn't think that. She was alive. He took a few steps back and saw one of Olivia's neighbors come out of her apartment to see what was going on.

'Call 911!' he told the older woman just before he ran into the door again. After a few more tries, he finally felt some movement and he heard some cracking of wood.

Just when he took a step back to give it one final try, he heard someone unbolt the door. He turned the knob and the door opened. He was cautious and opened the door slowly until he could peek around it into the apartment. Then he saw the gun, pointed straight at him.

'Welcome Mr Stabler. Do close the door on your way in.'

The man was pantless and Elliot didn't have a clue who he was or why he was there. With a gun ... And how did he know his name?

'Liv!' he started, but the man silenced him by taking a step towards him and pointing the gun at his forehead.

'I said, close the door,' the man spoke slowly but urgently. He had a maniacal look in his eyes and Elliot guessed this must be William Lewis. He knew this was a very unpredictable type of person but he needed to know one thing before he would do what Lewis had told him.

'Lewis, where is Olivia?' he asked as calmly as he could manage under the circumstances.

'I said, close the door,' Lewis said again. 'Bolt it too. You will join your beloved Olivia soon enough.'

Elliot decided to play it cool and closed the door. Normally he would have retreated out of the apartment quickly but he had to get to Olivia so he had to play along for now. He knew the neighbor was calling 911 and Nick was on his way. Anyone who was coming would have no trouble breaking down the door now. Lewis had to realize this as well. However, he seemed content for now and ushered him into the bedroom. Lewis dragged a dining chair along with him and placed it beside the bed, facing away from it.

Elliot gasped when he saw Olivia, almost completely naked and tied to her own bed. She was covered in bruises and small burn marks and she had duct tape over her mouth. The look in her eyes was one of pure fear. He wanted to squash the little bug right then and there but felt the barrel of his gun - or was it Olivia's gun? - pressing in his lower back.

He was breathing heavily, trying to contain his rage but Olivia could see the fire in his eyes. Her relief that Elliot had not been shot right away had been short-lived. Now they had both been captured. Elliot tried to mouth something to her and she frowned because she didn't understand it. Then Elliot jolted. Apparently Lewis had poked him with the gun.

'No telepathic communication you two. Turn around!' he snapped.

Elliot turned around slowly, assessing his chances at disarming the younger man quickly. But before he could do anything, Lewis had taken a few steps away from him and moved in Olivia's direction. The gun was now pointed at her chest. Olivia ignored Lewis and kept her gaze fixed on Elliot, who had turned back around to face both of them.

'Pick up her handcuffs,' Lewis ordered, nodding in the direction of Olivia's nightstand. Her cuffs and badge were there. Elliot walked over to the side of the bed slowly and kept his eyes on Olivia the whole time. Lewis was pressing the gun firmly into her exposed chest and was watching his every move. Elliot wanted to let her know help was on the way but he was still deliberating in his mind if this was something he wanted Lewis to know or not. It was evident that if rattled, the guy was capable of anything. Perhaps he should just let him think he had all the time in the world. Elliot feared most what Lewis was going to do to Olivia. Stalling for time was his best tactic at the moment. But how could he let Olivia know that help would arrive shortly?

He leaned over to the nightstand to pick up the handcuffs. He was so close and so far away. The gun was making an impression between her breasts and it hurt. But the physical pain was nothing compared to the ache in her heart. She could tell Elliot wanted to say something to her but he couldn't risk it. She knew that. And she couldn't say anything at all because her mouth was taped shut. She was trying to keep breathing regularly through her nose. She didn't want to pass out again. She was beginning to fear that this was it for them. Things had been going too well anyway. Her life just wasn't supposed to work out. She had been on the brink of her happily ever after, so it only made sense that thing would blow up in her face now. Silent tears fell from her eyes as she watched the love of her life pick up her handcuffs and move back to the foot of the bed.

Lewis ordered him to sit down on the chair beside the bed, facing the back of the chair. This way, he was facing the bed, and Olivia. Then he told him to put the cuffs on his own wrists through the back of the chair in front of him, effectively cuffing himself to the chair. After he had done this, Lewis walked over to him to adjust the cuffs, making sure they were as tight as possible.

'You have front row seats, sir,' Lewis said gleefully. 'Best view of the house. Enjoy the show.'

Elliot knew the chair would not be his biggest obstacle. The cuffs were another matter. His blood was boiling because he knew what was about the happen and he didn't know how to stop it. He could see panic in Olivia's brown eyes. Her tears were like drops of fire burning through his soul.

Lewis moved behind him and he heard the sound of duct tape being pulled off the roll. Where was the gun? he looked at Olivia again and she slowly shook her head. It wasn't safe. Lewis tied his ankles to the legs of the chair and he couldn't help wondering where the gun was. Why wasn't it safe? The man was using both hands to tie his legs but it was too late now and he standing up again. Where was the gun? Elliot looked down at his hands. The cuffs were on tight but he was glad his hands were in front of him. Suddenly Lewis' hands came up from behind him, putting duct tape across his mouth as well.

'We don't want you interrupting the show sir. I'm sure you understand. Please hold your applause until after the final act.'

The guy really was a piece of work. Elliot was more than furious but the threat to Olivia was too real to take risks now. He tried to stare Lewis down but Lewis just went about his business, chatting happily as if they were having a tea party, and didn't look at him at all. In stead he was checking out Olivia. Elliot jerked at his restraints unconsciously. He couldn't just sit here and let that little creep violate her!

Olivia didn't want Elliot to take a risk. She knew he was looking for the right moment to strike but Lewis still had the gun. While he strapped Elliot's legs to the chair, it had been right behind him on the side table. She had signaled Elliot not to make his move, worried that he wouldn't be quick enough. He could not get shot, she would want to die as well. So now it was her turn again. She closed her eyes, trying to accept her fate. As long as Elliot was alive, she would endure whatever Lewis was going to do. She just hoped Elliot would close his eyes as well.

Lewis' hands were on her again. He moved them slowly from her thighs up to her stomach and then her breasts. She bit the inside of her cheek to keep herself from making a sound while he touched her. He was lying on top of her now and she realized she was feeling everything more with her eyes closed. His erection was pushing against her panties and she opened her eyes. His face was only inches away from hers and he was smiling.

'Hey sweetheart, let's make you a little more comfortable. I'll take off the tape okay? I want to hear you say you like it. But if you scream, I shoot him.'

Before she could react, Lewis yanked the tape off and she gasped and took a deep breath. Lewis gave her a rough kiss on the lips and she tried to pull away. He laughed and looked at Elliot to gauge his reaction. Then he pushed himself up so he was straddling her.

'Now, where were we before we were so rudely interrupted ...' he mubled while moving down her body.

He started tugging at her panties with his index fingers and then ripped the fabric and pulled it off in one movement. This was it. Olivia relaxed all her muscles slowly and consciously, one by one. It was almost a meditative excercise. She was surrendering. She heard a sound from her left but she tried to push everything she was hearing, seeing and feeling out of her brain. He was not going to get a struggle. It would be a one man show from here on. She did not have a part in his sick play. She wasn't there. _Elliot_ ... No. She even had to block him out. He wasn't there either. No audience and no co-star. Just Lewis and his sick mind. It was all in his mind.

Elliot saw him touching her breasts. Words couldn't describe what he was feeling. Then the little creep tore her underwear off. Olivia was naked. His Olivia ... And she was surrendering. He could see the fight leave her body and her eyes completely. She was the strongest woman he had ever known and she was giving up. While she was accepting her fate, turning her face away from him, he was infused with an outrage so immense that his body just took over. He was done waiting for backup. He had no idea where the gun was and he wasn't thinking anymore. The back of the chair had already been shattered somehow - he must have done that himself - and he straightened his legs while ramming his cuffed wrists down to break the seat of the chair as well. He didn't care about injuring himself, he simply had to break free.

The two people on the bed hardly had time to register what was happening. Olivia was trying to block out any and all sensation while Lewis was competely wrapped up in his power game. He was rubbing Olivia's newly exposed skin and slipped two fingers inside her roughly, pushing them in as far as he could without warning. Olivia bit her lip, desperately trying not to feel the intrusion or respond to it in any way, when her ears finally registered the sound coming from her left of something being shattered violently.

...

 **Yeah, I'm having fun with the cliffhangers. Please let me know what you think of what happened here ...**


	37. Chapter 37

**Alright, I had to make up for those dreadful cliffhangers so I finished the next chapter super fast. This one has been in my head almost from the start. Enjoy and do let me know what you think!**

37.

Suddenly, Olivia didn't feel Lewis. He wasn't on her anymore. He wasn't even on the bed anymore. She heard a loud roar and a crash and lifted her head to see what was going on. Lewis was half sitting, half lying on the floor, his back against the wall and Elliot was kicking him and punching him in the face with his cuffed fists, over and over again. Lewis was making only feeble attempts at defending himself, he was no match for Elliot's rage and muscle.

Elliot had acted on pure instinct. He had broken the chair in two halves easily. He had cut both forearms on the broken wood but he didn't even register it. Parts of the chair were still taped to his legs but he didn't register that either. All reason had left him and he had simply thrown himself at the man lying on top of Olivia, knocking him off the bed. He had rounded the bed quickly and had picked Lewis up to crash him into the wall next to the bed before he could reach the gun that had also fallen on the floor. Then he had just started beating the crap out of him. _Nobody touches Olivia!_

Lewis lost consciousness but Elliot kept on hitting him. He wanted to break every bone in his puny body and didn't care that the man was bleeding profusely. He wanted to kill him. It wasn't until he heard Olivia sob that he stopped pounding on the man and looked at her. She was crying.

'Liv!'

He jumped to his feet and sat down next to her, cradling her head in his cuffed hands. He heard a sound in the hallway and got up quickly to grab a sheet to cover her with. Then he started untangling the wire she was tied up with. Olivia was crying silently, eyes closed. His hands were shaking and he tried desperately not to think of what this creep had done to her, before or after he got there. He had managed to free one of her hands when Nick came storming in with two uniformed officers, followed by the concerned neighbor from earlier.

'Out!' Elliot yelled at the neighbor and Nick immediately turned around to usher the older lady out. There was no need to add to Olivia's humiliation. Nick returned to the bedroom and looked at Olivia on the bed.

'Get him,' Elliot gruffed while he continued untying Olivia. Nick turned to the heap of flesh that was William Lewis.

'You kill him?' Nick asked.

'I hope so.'

Olivia's arms were free and he pulled her up gently, wrapping his arms around her as best he could with his hands still cuffed. She had stopped sobbing and just held on to him tightly. Nick found the keys to the cuffs and took them off his wrists. Olivia was shaking, probably more from shock than cold but he wrapped the sheet closer around her. When she calmed down a little, he told her softly he was going to untie her legs. She nodded and released her grip on him. He moved away from her trembling form slowly and then untied her legs quickly. She pulled her legs in immediately and he put his arms around her again, rocking her gently until the ambulances arrived.

Cragen also came in, a bewildered look on his face as he took in the mess in Olivia's apartment and then his shaking detective in Elliot's arms. Nick had handcuffed Lewis, who was still unconscious. He was still alive. He was taken out to an ambulance first. CSU came in as well and one of the techs asked Elliot softly about the electrical cord. He indicated that Olivia had been tied to the four corners of the bed. He showed them one of her wrists. She was hanging against him, completely limp. When the orderly asked if he could take a look at her and touched her shoulder, she flinched and hid her face in the crook of Elliot's neck. Elliot's heart broke for her again. She was always so strong. Now he would have to be strong and not let his rage consume him. He asked the orderly if he could get her some clothes from her closet.

'Underwear too please,' he said quietly, letting the others know that Olivia was naked underneath the sheet. The men in the room moved away discreetly while Elliot helped her put on her panties. She winced when he suggested putting on a bra and he noticed the deep cuts on her back and shoulders that the straps of her other bra had made.

'He ripped it off?' he asked, his voice hoarse with emotion.

Olivia nodded. She was moving on autopilot. She was completely numb. All she was aware of was that Elliot was close to her and she intended to keep it that way. She tried not to think about anything else. Elliot was helping her put on a sweater and a pair of sweatpants and the orderlies were waiting to take her to a hospital. She saw the cuts on Elliot's arms and said softly that he needed medical attention as well. The whole thing had been like a nightmare and she felt like she still hadn't woken up. She hardly noticed the mess in her apartment when Elliot led her to the gurney in the living room.

'I can walk,' she whispered but Elliot would have none of it. When she was strapped in, Elliot turned away from her and she called out to him.

'El, don't leave me.'

He turned back around immediately, leaning close to her.

'Never Liv. I'm just getting something and then I'm coming with you.'

She seemed to be reassured and Elliot went back into the bedroom briefly to let CSU take a few pictures of his legs before he pried off the tape and the remains of the chair he had been taped to. He took a few deep breaths. He couldn't stand to see Olivia this weak and vulnerable. But she needed him right now and he had to keep himself in check. When he returned to the living room, Olivia held her hand out to him. He grabbed it and forced a smile. This was not going to be easy.

...

He saw some of Olivia's strength return during her examination at the hospital. She knew exactly how a rape kit was done and it couldn't be easy to be the person undergoing it this time. But she got through it, squeezing his hand every now and then. He never left her side the entire time, although he did want to jump up and find the pervert when Olivia said softly that there should be semen on her stomach. After the rape kit had finally been done, she was exhausted. She sounded so tired when she asked the doctor if she could take a shower now. He saw a single tear trickle down her cheek. She had to realize she would be taking a lot of showers before she would start to feel clean again. He helped her up and into the bathroom.

'Will you be okay in here?' he asked her.

She looked at him with a desperate look in her eyes.

'I don't know,' she admitted. 'Don't go far okay?'

He nodded, blinking away his tears. It hurt so much to see her like this.

'I'll be right outside. Call me if you need anything.'

She closed the door to the bathroom but didn't lock it. He waited outside the door. After a few minutes he heard water running and he tried to relax, closing his eyes and leaning against the door.

Olivia closed her eyes and put her hands against the wall of the shower, letting the warm water hit the back of her head. She tried to breathe slowly but everything was beginning to come back to her. The physical pain, the things Lewis had done to her and with her, but mostly the feeling of complete helplessness. Despair. Fear. Knowing her life would never be the same after this. She started breathing faster and felt a surge of panic hit her. The shower suddenly seemed too small and the walls were closing in on her.

'El! Elliot!'

She had screamed before she knew it.

'El, I'm freaking out in here!'

It only took one second for the door to open. Elliot stepped into the small bathroom and locked the door behind him. She reached for him and he quickly took off his shirt.

'One second honey,' he told her. Of course. His clothes would be soaked. She watched him take off his pants and socks as well. Just having him there calmed her down a bit but it was even better when he stepped under the shower with her. He had kept his boxer briefs on.

'I'm here Liv. Let me help you.'

She wrapped her arms around him and he held her close. After a few minutes, when he thought she had calmed down enough, he reached for a bottle of shampoo and put some in his hands. He started washing her hair and she tilted her head back. Her eyes were closed and she almost looked peaceful. He tried not to look at her bruises too much and thought she was still beautiful. He washed her hair carefully, making sure he didn't rub the cuts and bumps on her head too much. He took the showerhead down to rinse her hair. She just held on to him, leaning her forehead on his shoulder. He wished he could take her pain away. He knew he couldn't but he did see her relax while he was washing her hair and he noticed how she allowed him to touch her when he started washing her skin as well. She wasn't freaking out while he was with her and despite the circumstances, it filled him with pride. She had flinched when the orderly touched her and even a few times when the doctor touched her. But not with him. She wanted to be near him all the time. She knew she was safe with him.

It felt good to finally take a shower. It felt even better to be washed by Elliot. To not be alone. She knew she would have been able to do it alone if she had to. But she didn't have to. She didn't _have_ to do everything on her own anymore and it felt right. Safe. She knew at that moment that she would be alright. They would be alright. Eventually. It wouldn't be easy and she had a long way to go but they were going to be alright. Just knowing that would help her get through all the therapy and the anxiety and the nightmares that would surely come.

Elliot knelt down in front of her to wash her legs. She held on to his shoulders until he asked her to turn around. He was so gentle and it moved her to tears. She remembered his rage of that night when he had beaten Lewis to a pulp. He'd been like a raging bull and she had been certain he was going to kill him. And now he was here with her, in a hospital bathroom, helping her take a shower because she didn't want to be alone. He might have a big ego and big muscle, but most of all he had a big heart. And he had given his heart to her. She let the tears fall while turning her face towards the shower so the water would wash them away. Elliot got to his feet again and wrapped his arms around her waist from behind.

'You okay?' he whispered.

She leaned into him, putting her arms over his and nodded. She couldn't speak, still a little overwhelmed with all that had happened.

Elliot pulled her in a little tighter and kissed her shoulder. He knew it would take time for Olivia to be comfortable again physically and he didn't expect anything from her right now. She needed him and he would be there, every step of the way. She was still a strong woman but she was admitting needing him now and he would not let her down. He rubbed his cheek against hers lovingly. This night had turned out so dramatically different than he had planned it and it made him realize that they should cherish every moment of their lives together. In the end, we never know what may happen the next day. He wanted to see Olivia come out of this ordeal and be happy. He wanted them to be happy together. He wanted to see her smile again and not be afraid. He wanted it all with her. He wanted ...

'Liv, will you marry me?'

...


	38. Chapter 38

38.

 _'Liv, will you marry me?'_

Olivia tensed at his sudden question. She felt Elliot loosen his grip on her a bit and she turned around in his arms to face him. He was tense as well, almost shocked that he had proposed to her out of the blue, and looked into her eyes.

'El ... I ... I'm broken. Can't you see that? Do you really want to marry me now? I don't even know where to begin to find myself again, I ...'

Elliot shushed her, placing a finger over her mouth.

'Shhh, Liv. I know. I know that. I just don't want to waste any more time.'

He took a deep breath, trying to explain to her as quickly as possible why he had proposed to her now.

'I don't even have a ring yet but I just didn't want to wait to ask you. I love you and I want to cherish every moment with you. I want you to know that, every step of the way. And I know you have a lot of steps to take. Believe me, I do. I just need you to know that I will be there for you. Always. And when you're ready, I would be honored to make you my wife.'

Olivia just wanted to cry. As much as she wanted to make this a memorable moment for Elliot, she couldn't do it right now. She was still trying to accept what had happened to her and what that meant for her. As a person, as a woman and as a cop. She couldn't deal with this now. She needed Elliot but she didn't feel like she had anything to give at this time. Elliot reached behind her to turn off the water and let go of her to get her a towel. He didn't say anything and she was grateful. She needed a few minutes and she allowed him to towel her dry while she tried to gather her thoughts. But they were all over the place. Once they were both dried off, more or less, she got dressed again and quietly left the bathroom. She sat down on the bed, and waited for the nurse to come back. Elliot came out of the bathroom a few minutes later and sat down beside her. He took her hand in his and smiled when she looked at him. She did love him so much and she had a huge lump in her throat when she said,

'Ask me again in a while Elliot. I don't have anything to give right now. I promise you it will be okay. We'll be okay. I just can't ...'

Her voice broke and Elliot wrapped his arms around her. She sobbed a little. He understood. Maybe he shouldn't have asked her now but he just wanted her to know he wasn't going anywhere. She had given him the key to her heart and he was promising her to stand by her. They were committed to each other. That was what she needed to know.

They looked up when someone entered the room, expecting it to be the nurse who would explain to them how to use the ointment for Olivia's burns. But it wasn't a nurse. It was Lewis' attorney. Olivia tensed immediately and asked the young woman why she was there. The redhead seemed to have dropped her cocky attitude and hesitated.

'I'm sorry,' she said softly. She looked at Olivia, taking in her tear-stained face, busted lip and the cuts and bruises on her face, and she seemed shocked.

'I really am so sorry,' she said again and she had tears in her eyes. She wanted to walk up to Olivia but Elliot stood up and stopped her.

'Who are you?' he barked at her and the redhead blinked a few times, taking a step back.

'I'm Vanessa Mayer. I am ... I was William Lewis' defense attorney and I ... I want to apologize to detective Benson. If I hadn't bailed him out ...'

'You bailed that animal out?' Elliot yelled in her face and Vanessa took another step back. Then Olivia spoke up.

'El. It's okay. She can come in.'

Elliot turned around and asked her if she was sure, and Olivia nodded. She beckoned Vanessa to join her. The young woman approached her cautiously.

'I'm glad you've come to your senses,' Olivia stated flatly. 'I hope you can help us put him away for good so he will never hurt anyone again.'

Vanessa nodded fervently.

'I want to do everything I can do to help. I'm so ashamed of myself. He had me completely fooled you know. You ... you were right ... we were lovers. I feel filthy myself ...'

Olivia looked at the young woman in front of her. She didn't know what it was like to feel filthy. Just thinking about it made her want to run back to the shower. She didn't. In stead, she decided to confront the young attorney some more. Maybe she wouldn't be so eager to defend scum again in the future.

'Ms Mayer, I want to show you something.'

She looked at Elliot, who moved to close the door to the hospital room. He knew what she was doing. Olivia stood up and pulled her sweater over her head. Vanessa gasped. She just let the young woman look at her. To see all the burn marks on her torso and on the inside of her arms. To see the bruises from where he had punched her and the marks her bra had left on her shoulders and back when he ripped it off. Vanessa started to cry and Olivia put her sweater back on.

'Next time someone says a man has hurt them and identifies their assailant, I hope you will take them seriously Ms Mayer,' Olivia told her. She was in cop mode for a minute. She wanted the young attorney to see what her client had done.

'I will,' Vanessa promised, still sniffling. 'I don't even think I want to be a defense attorney anymore. I ... I have to go. Once again, I'm so sorry detective. I do hope you will recover from this soon ...'

She rushed out of the room just when the nurse came in and Olivia sank back onto the bed. Elliot held her close while they listened to the nurse. She explained that there were only a few small third degree burns and how they should be treated. The other burns would all fade over time. They knew the psychological damage was far greater than the physical damage but it still was a small relief that most of her injuries would disappear eventually.

When she was finally released they went to Elliot's apartment. Before entering his building, she looked up at her own apartment, which was now a crime scene. She shuddered and turned around quickly to go inside with Elliot. She was going to take another shower right away.

...

She didn't have a nightmare the first night. They started the second night. She would dream that Elliot was killed and wake up screaming his name. Or she would relive the entire assault, feeling those hands on her again, inside her, and she would wake up kicking and trying to push Elliot away. She would get up in the middle of the night to take a shower and on the third morning Elliot found her cutting off her beautiful long hair in the bathroom. He helped her make a nice haircut out of the mess she had made. She was having difficulty eating and threw up regularly right after a meal. He absorbed all of her pain and went to the gym to have it out with a punching bag whenever it got to be too much for him.

Elliot had put up a chart in the bathroom. Actually it was a calendar and he asked her each night what the grade for the day was, on a scale from one to ten. In the beginning, the range was from three to five, no more. After a few days, she managed a six but it was followed by a two after a particularly disturbing nightmare that had sent her spiraling down all day long.

Meanwhile, Elliot had asked all his children to help him get the house ready. They only had about ten days before they had to be out of the apartment. The NYPD had taken over Olivia's lease because of the ongoing investigation, but not his. His boss had told him that he understood the circumstances but that he had to let him go because it wasn't fair on the other guards. Elliot had accepted being fired without a fight. He needed to be with Olivia now. On Wednesday, two days before they would have to be out of his apartment, he took Olivia to the new house. Physically, she was a lot stronger already but emotionally she was still a bit lost. The day before had been a five. Still, moving to the new house could not be postponed any longer.

The house was as beautiful as she remembered. All the kids were there and Olivia was amazed at how quickly they had gotten everything ready. She had seen them haul things out of Elliot's apartment while she was staying there but she hadn't really paid much attention. Kathleen approached her a little hesitantly to ask her if everything was the way she wanted it to be. Olivia smiled. It was a real smile this time. She really did love his children. She walked around the spacious living room and wandered into the kitchen.

'We didn't finish painting all the cupboard doors. Dad figured you would want to do that yourself,' Kathleen explained. Olivia's eyes found Elliot's behind the kids and he winked at her. He knew her so well and it warmed her heart.

The whole party moved upstairs and Eli was especially excited to show her his room. He took her hand and pulled her with him. It was refreshing to be treated normally. Eli was too young to be inhibited in any way towards her and he was just being his adorable self. His room wasn't finished yet, he explained to her but one of the walls already had the coolest wallpaper that she just had to see. He was beaming when they looked at the Cars theme on the wall together. Olivia knelt down beside the little boy and gave him a big hug.

'I'm so glad you will be staying with us soon,' she told him and Eli wrapped his little arms around her as well.

'Me too Livia,' he told her.

They checked out the other rooms and finally Elliot showed her the master bedroom. The children all stayed back in the hallway.

'I did this one myself,' he told her.

He didn't tell her that the room had been ready for them for a week. She didn't need to know what he had planned for her that fateful night. He just watched her while she took in what he had done with the room. The colors were all light, mostly shades of white, just like she had wanted. There were red rose petals on the bed and she grinned. Then she saw the roses on the nightstand on her side of the bed. Six red roses and one white one. She put a hand over her mouth and looked at Elliot, tears springing in her eyes.

'I love you,' he whispered as she hugged him.

'I know,' she whispered back.

'This is home now,' he told her. 'Do you think you can get used to this?'

She just nodded, unable to speak for a moment. She turned back to see what was inside the closets and found most of her clothes that had still been at her apartment. She looked at Elliot surprised.

'The guys from SVU and CSU helped out,' he explained. They got everything out that they were allowed to take out. The couch too. As for the rest, I don't think you'll want that here anyway.'

She agreed. She looked at the bed again and then at Elliot.

'I don't know when I ... you know ...'

Elliot nodded and wrapped his arms around her.

'Yeah, I know. Don't worry about it. No rush. Just get better okay? I love you for you, not for the sex,' he assured her. 'Although ... it's pretty amazing with you,' he added, rubbing his nose against hers. 'And I'm sure it will be again when you're ready.'

...

She was sure this wasn't how Elliot had pictured their first night in their new home together. After the children had all left, they had ordered in and had settled on the couch to watch some television. Just like old times. She had been a little woozy all day and thought it was because she had hardly eaten. So she had eaten too much and most of her dinner ended up in the toilet. After throwing up she felt hungry again but she was afraid to eat anything because she didn't want to throw up again. So she had gone to bed early, alone, while Elliot decided to take a walk before joining her. He wanted to familiarize himself with their new neighborhood, he told her. He stayed away for a long time and Olivia had finally dozed off, after jotting down a seven on the calendar in their new bathroom. Despite the throwing up, this had been her best day yet. When she woke up around 3 am to use the bathroom, Elliot was sleeping soundly next to her. When she got back into bed, she kissed his cheek softly. This was their home now. _Their_ home. A place to heal and to grow, together. Elliot stirred and she held her breath. She hadn't meant to wake him. He draped his arm across her stomach and relaxed again. Olivia relaxed as well. She was home.

They were rudely awakened when her cell phone rang. It was only 7 am. Who could be calling her this early? Elliot sat up, rubbing his eyes while Olivia picked up the phone. Captain Cragen? Her jaw dropped when Cragen informed her of the latest development in her case. William Lewis was dead.

'How? When?' she stammered, and Elliot looked at her, wondering what was going on.

'He was killed last night at the hospital. Someone injected some kind of poison in his IV bag. He started to seizure and he died before they could find the cause. Homicide is on it, they are launching a full investigation.'

Olivia ended the call and looked at Elliot in shock.

'What? What is it?' he asked.

'Lewis is dead. He was killed last night at the hospital.'

Elliot didn't say anything. He got up and walked towards the bathroom.

'El!'

'I'm going to get dressed,' he told her.

'At this hour? Why?'

'I went to see him last night. I'm sure the detectives that are on the case will want to talk to me.'

...


	39. Chapter 39

**One more chapter to go after this one... Enjoy!**

39.

Olivia felt sick. Again. She hadn't even eaten yet but to learn that William Lewis was dead and that Elliot had visited him just before he died, had her guts in knots immediately. He wouldn't ... No, he would never ... Would he? She was afraid to ask Elliot about his visit to the hospital. He had told her he was going for a walk. That must have been quite a walk for him to end up at Bellevue Hospital. And the fact that he wasn't telling her anything other than that he'd been there wasn't a good sign either. She wanted to come along when he went to talk to the homicide detectives, but on the other hand, she didn't. It had been difficult enough for her to be at the station when both she and Elliot had to give their statements. She wasn't ready for another confrontation like that yet.

Elliot emerged from the bathroom dressed for the day and gave her a small smile.

'You up for some breakfast?' he asked her before walking downstairs.

She got up quickly to follow him. He was in the kitchen already when she caught up with him. He glanced at her, then turned his attention back to the contents of the refrigerator. He took out some bacon and eggs and set them on the counter. Then he started slicing a few tomatoes and some cucumber. That was for her, a light breakfast for her still sensitive stomach. Olivia leaned against the breakfast bar and waited for him to say something. Anything.

'You think I killed him?'

She bit her lip. She didn't know what to think. If he had killed him the night of the assault it would have been self-defense. But this would be murder. He wouldn't do that, no matter how much he had hated the man. It would cost him his entire future. _Their_ future. So she shook her head.

'No. Poison isn't your style.' She managed a small smile when he looked up at her.

'You got that right. I would have smashed his skull in with my bare hands,' Elliot gruffed. 'So why was your first thought that I _had_ killed him?'

It was an honest question that deserved an honest answer. She breathed in and out slowly before replying.

'I know you wanted him dead. So did I. And you were there. but my second thought was that you wouldn't throw away our future like that. I know you didn't kill him El. But I would like to know why you went over there.'

Elliot hung his head while leaning on the breakfast bar next to her. Then he told her quietly about his nightmares. _His_ nightmares. He had never woken her up at night but he was having nightmares as well. As he told her about them, about the terror he had experienced while he was forced to watch her get assaulted and how he would relive that night over and over again, she realized that he was as much a victim as she was. She remembered the pain she had felt, knowing how Elliot must be hurting during the assault. It had been the same for him. They had been assaulted together. She wrapped her arms around his waist from the side and he turned to embrace her as well. He had not cried in front of her the entire week and she realized that he had been strong for her the whole time. But he was broken as well. She could feel him struggling to keep the tears at bay.

'It's okay,' she whispered. 'I've got you El. I know you're hurting too. It's okay.'

The dam broke and Elliot started sobbing on her shoulder. She stroked his back, telling him it was okay over and over again until he finally calmed down a little after several minutes. He lifted his head to look at her, his eyes all puffy and red.

'I wanna be strong for you Liv,' he choked out, his lips still trembling.

'I know, and you _are_. But you need some help too El. You are a victim too.'

He shook his head but Olivia stilled him by placing her hands over his cheeks.

'Yes, you are. We were both assaulted El. We should go see a therapist together. It's not just about me.'

Elliot sighed and leaned his forehead against hers. She was right. He could try to deny it but he was just as traumatized as she was. He had embraced the task of taking care of Olivia and he really wanted to. But he couldn't do it alone. He was afraid it would drive him back to the bottle eventually.

'So why did you go see him?' Olivia asked softly, wiping away his tears with her thumbs. Her eyes were full of concern and love and he realized she was a lot stronger already than he'd thought.

'I needed another image of him in my head,' he explained. 'Not just the image of him groping you and taunting us. I wanted to see him incapacitated, cuffed to a hospital bed, broken and hopefully impotent and crippled for life. I thought it would help to put it behind me and to get rid of the nightmares.'

'Do you think it worked? Or will work?'

'I think so,' he admitted. 'I just stood there in his room, staring at him. He's just a pitiful excuse for a human being and the only thing that gave him some power was a gun. He's nothing. Just a sadistical bug with a superiority complex.'

Olivia laughed at his description. A genuine laugh and her eyes were smiling.

'I think that about sums him up,' she agreed, still smiling. 'And I want to see his corps. Maybe it will help me see him for what he really was as well.'

...

Olivia decided to go wih Elliot after all. They stopped by Captain Cragen's office first and Olivia could see the others stare at them as they strode through the bullpen towards the Captain's office. Cragen appreciated Elliot stepping forward immediately and told them which detectives were on the murder case. They took a few minutes to accept the good-to-see-you's from Olivia's coworkers before they went back to the elevator to go over to the homicide unit.

The detectives were very understanding and allowed them to sit in while they watched the security footage they had just obtained. Sure enough, Elliot was on the recording, entering Lewis' room and leaving about twenty minutes later. He had made no effort to conceal his identity or even his presence at the hospital. He had even spoken briefly with the guard that was assigned to that particular hallway, since there were more convicts and suspects receiving treatment in that hospital wing. This ruled him out as a suspect even before he became one. They all wondered how the killer had managed to get past the security guard and continued to watch the tape.

A small figure dressed in jeans and a hoody appeared on the screen, their back turned towards the camera at all times. The person approached the guard, who started smiling immediately. Olivia realized the small figure was a woman and she was buttering up the young guard. She put her hand on his hip and the guard seemed to appreciate the gesture. After a few minutes, they walked off together, outside the range of the cameras. They fast-forwarded the tape until there was movement in the hallway again. The small figure had returned, alone. She went into Lewis' room after checking her surroundings and came back out just two or three minutes later, and in a hurry. Within a minute after she had left, there was all kinds of activity, nurses running in and shouting. They all knew how it had ended. Lewis was dead.

Elliot and Olivia walked away slowly, hand in hand, leaving the murder case up to the dedicated detectives of the homicide unit.

'You're sure about this?' Elliot asked Olivia.

She nodded.

'Yes. I need to see that he's really dead.'

They headed to the elevator again to go down to the morgue. In the elevator, Elliot put an arm around her and she smiled up at him. She was nervous, he could tell. It had been an emotional roller coaster for both of them, and the ride didn't seem to be over yet. Still, it was a big relief that Lewis was dead. There would be no trial, no testifying, no reliving everything in public again. He kissed her forehead gently and was a little surprised when she suddenly pulled him in for a real kiss. He returned her kiss gladly and closed his eyes. It had been too long. He felt Olivia's arms tighten around him and he broke off the kiss to check if she was alright. She was. Her eyes were still closed and he leaned in to kiss her again. Her lips parted and he hesitated for a split second. She made the decision for him and ran her tongue along his lower lip. He moaned and unconsciously pushed her up against the wall of the elevator when he returned her kiss hungrily. She gasped and he wanted to pull back to give her some space, but she wouldn't let him. She needed this as much as he did. They needed to be close again, to take back the intimacy that had been stolen away from them. When the elevator indicated with a loud 'ding' that they had arrived at the morgue, she released him reluctantly. He smiled and kissed her once more on the cheek. Then they stepped off the elevator hand in hand to meet up with Melinda.

...

Olivia wasn't sure if it had really helped to see the pale, bluish face of her tormentor. It had become part of her dreams as well. After her first seven when they moved to the new house, the numbers had gone down again. But therapy was helping. Dr. Lindstrom would usually see them together, but occasionally he spoke with her and Elliot separately. It was a long process but they were both making some progress. She was eating better and holding down her food. They were both learning to express their feelings without being afraid of burdening each other too much. They were growing even closer and actually had really good days. After a few weeks, Olivia could write down a seven again and another seven the next day. Elliot put a smiley face beside the second seven and they laughed about it together.

The weather was great and they were sitting in the sun on the porch in a rocking chair, late in the afternoon. It was a relatively wide chair but it was really meant for just one person, so Olivia had draped her legs across Elliot's lap. Elliot's arm was wrapped around her to keep her from sliding off and she was leaning her head on his shoulder. She sighed contently.

'What number is today?' Elliot asked.

Olivia lifted her head to kiss his neck before answering.

'It's a seven so far but maybe we can make it to eight yet.'

Elliot looked at her, his eyebrows raised in surprise. She smiled, recognizing the hope that was flickering in his eyes that maybe today she would be ready. She thought she was. They had kissed and cuddled but Elliot had always held back. He wanted her to be in control, because control had been taken away from her so violently. She needed to feel absolutely safe and she had been grateful for Elliot's self-control. His love for her was much greater than his desire for her body. But she missed him, too. She missed the most intimate connection two people could have and she hated Lewis for tainting her with memories that were triggered whenever she thought of making love to Elliot. But she wanted to get through it. She wanted eight, nine and ten days again. She didn't want to stop at seven and then plunge back down to a four. She leaned in to kiss Elliot and he pulled her close, moving his hand from her waist up. She felt goose bumps forming all over her body, knowing he would reach her breast soon. A strangled sound came out of her throat when his hand closed over her breast and Elliot wanted to move away to her arm in stead.

'No,' she whispered and took his hand to place it back over her breast.

Elliot's body couldn't help responding to hers. It had been almost two months and the feeling of her full breast in his hand was amazing, even fully dressed. He thought touching her was even more exciting than the very first time, all those months ago, when she had finally let him come over to her apartment. She was kissing him passionately and he stopped worrying about going too fast. She wanted this and he wasn't going to say no. The rocking chair tilted back and they both jolted, then laughed out loud about it. They were a bit jumpy, nervous even. Olivia wriggled herself out of his lap to stand up and held out her hands to pull him up. They walked inside together and locked the back door. Elliot hurried to check the front door and the security system as well, just like they did every night. It wasn't night yet but it looked like they were going to bed anyway. He felt like a kid again, nervous for his first time with the girl of his dreams.

Then her phone rang.

Olivia was standing in the middle of the living room, contemplating whether to answer it or just let in ring. She really wanted this day to become an eight - or maybe even a nine. She couldn't resist peeking at the screen though, to see who the caller was. It was Cragen. And Cragen never made a social call so she would have to take the call.

'Benson.'

'Olivia, it's Don Cragen. I just wanted to let you know that a suspect was arrested in the Lewis murder case.'

'Who?'

'Vanessa Mayer. She was picked up this afternoon. I thought you and Elliot would like to know.'

Somehow, Olivia wasn't really surprised. Vanessa had felt violated herself by her client slash lover. She _was_ surprised that it had taken them so long to identify her. Even a general description from the guard of a young redhead should have pointed the detectives in her direction almost immediately. She asked the Captain if they could come over to listen in while Vanessa was being questioned, but she had lawyered up immediately so there would be no interrogation today.

'But she has been arrested?' Olivia asked.

If Vanessa was in custody, she really wanted to talk to her. Elliot was looking at her, trying to understand what the call was about. After confirming with the Captain that Vanessa had been booked and was currently in holding, Olivia ended the call and explained things to Elliot. He understood why she wanted to talk to the young woman but wondered if she would be allowed to, being a victim of Vanessa's victim.

'Her attorney can be there. I just want to look her in the eye. Maybe we can help with her case? Get the court to show some leniency ... show them that she's a victim too, in a way ...'

Elliot shook his head and smiled. Olivia was always trying to save people, even now. He couldn't deny that he was grateful that the young woman had killed Lewis but she had thrown away her entire future when she did it. If they could help her even a little, he agreed that they should try. He wrapped his arms around Olivia and told her he would come with her.

'But I still want today to become an eight Liv,' he said very seriously. Then they both laughed out loud. They were going to get to an eight for sure. If not today, then another day. They were going to get there.

...

 **Please leave your thoughts about this story in a review. The final chapter will be up soon.**


	40. Chapter 40

**This is the final chapter!**

40.

Vanessa agreed to see them with her lawyer present and explained - off the record - why she had done it. After studying all the information and seeing how Lewis managed to use every loophole in the system, Vanessa couldn't live with the humiliation and the fear that he might walk again. She had just wanted him dead. She had used a disguise and a British accent so the guard would never be able to pick her out of a lineup. She had used a stun gun on the guard after getting him in a linen closet and had made her move.

Olivia asked how they managed to find her after almost two months. In the end, a partial finger print on Lewis' handcuff had given her away. She had attended a party that was raided by narcotics and her prints had been found there too. It hadn't taken the NYPD long to find her after that. Her lawyer, one of her old teachers, was indeed going to try and convince the judge and jury that Vanessa had been a victim as well and that she was only partially responsible for her actions. Olivia offered to testify on her behalf, which they appreciated very much. Elliot was worried though that going to trial might be re-traumatizing for Olivia. She reminded him of what they always told the victims. Confronting their abuser would be healing. She felt like she would find some kind of closure if she could help her abuser's killer, naming him as an abuser and a rapist for the whole world to hear it, and getting justice for his other victims post-mortem.

After their visit to Rikers Olivia was exhausted. She was already asleep in the car when they got home and Elliot was sorry that he had to wake her up. He encouraged her to go to bed early after they had a light dinner.

'But what about you El?' she asked, wrapping her arms around his waist while they sat on the couch together.

He could tell she was very tired and he didn't want her to feel obliged to do anything at all. He told her he was fine and that there would be many more days for them to enjoy. She told him she was sorry but he would have nothing of it. He put her to bed, tucked her in and told her to rest. He was tired as well and joined her about an hour later. She was sound asleep and he studied her face for a while. She was so beautiful and so peaceful. Maybe testifying for Vanessa would indeed be healing for her, and for him as well. She was healing already and was able to look to the future again. Olivia had even mentioned going back to work in a while. And while he didn't like to think about her getting in harms way again, he knew she needed to go back. To find some normalcy in her life. After a while he drifted off to sleep as well. He didn't have any disturbing dreams that night. He was healing too.

...

Elliot woke up to a fresh breeze the next morning. He opened his eyes but closed them again right away. The sun was shining brightly already. He could hear Olivia walking up the stairs and opened his eyes again, still squinting a little when she came into the bedroom, dressed in just a long NYPD t-shirt over her panties. The curtains were moving gently in the morning breeze and he could hear birds whistling outside. The window must be open. Olivia was carrying a tray with two glasses of orange juice and some fruits.

'What's this? Breakfast in bed?' he asked, his voice still a little sleepy.

Olivia sat down next to him and handed him the tray so she could slide her bare legs under the covers. She was smiling and he could tell she had slept well too.

'It's not really a big breakfast but I thought we might need to eat something before we start with the day's activities,' she stated in a neutral voice but Elliot could see a little twinkle in her eyes.

'Activities?' he asked. 'Sounds like you've got plans.'

She moved her head from left to right as if she was trying to decide something.

'I may have some plans for you ...' she admitted, unable to keep a grin from forming on her face.

Elliot felt something shift low in his belly. His mouth was suddenly very dry and he grabbed one of the glasses of orange juice. They both drank their juice quickly and they shared a banana before he couldn't keep his hands to himself anymore. He looped his arm around Olivia and she quickly moved to set the tray aside on the floor. She almost fell out of bed and they laughed when Elliot pulled her up and she landed on top of him. He held his breath and then breathed out slowly. He pushed some of her short hair behind her ear, where it wouldn't stay because it wasn't long enough. She tried to flip her hair to one side in stead and dipped down to kiss his jaw.

'Are you sure?' he whispered.

She answered him by kissing him passionately and he knew she was sure. His hands moved down to her legs and up again, taking her shirt with them. Her tongue was dancing with his and the low moans that were emanating from her throat made his body tingle all over. When he couldn't push her shirt up any further, she sat up to allow him to take it off. Her hands were roaming his bare chest and she dipped down again to lick one of his nipples gently. He bucked up involuntarily and checked if that bothered her. She looked up into his eyes and he knew she wasn't bothered. She was determined to take back what had been stolen from them.

Olivia was nervous but she wasn't going to stop now. This was Elliot and he wasn't going to hurt her or overpower her. She loved him and his body and they had been apart too long. Fragments of the assault were trying to get into her head but she kept her eyes open and took in the man she was seeing. The man she was with, and not the man who had violated her. She kept on playing with his small nipples with her mouth and her hands until he grabbed her under her armpits to pull her up. She laughed at his impatience and dropped her mouth to his again. He turned them over to his left so they were both lying on one side and caressed her body slowly, from her shoulder all the way down to her thigh while he continued to kiss her. When he broke off their kiss to look at her, she looked at herself as well. Most of her scars and burns were fading but they were still visible. She looked at Elliot again and she could see some conflicting emotions in his eyes and tension in his face. She put a hand to his cheek and moved his head up so he was looking at her face. His face softened immediately.

'Don't hate him. Just love me,' she whispered.

She was right. It was just the two of them now. He shouldn't waste precious time with her on negative emotions. He rolled her on her back gently, making sure that she was okay with it. When she smiled at him, he moved down a bit to kiss her chest. He placed small kisses on every small scar he could find and laughed when he heard her giggle. It tickled. She started talking deep breaths when he moved to her breasts with his mouth while his right hand moved down her stomach to her panties. He wouldn't try to take her panties off. She would have to do it herself when she was ready. He moved his hand over her panties and looked up at her face. He was dying to touch her but he sensed that she was trying to fight off a flashback. He moved his hand back up and she looked into his eyes. He could see some fear there and he moved all the way up so his face was close to hers.

'It's okay,' he said softly. 'No rush.'

Olivia nodded and swallowed. This wasn't as easy as she had thought. They needed to create new memories to replace the bad ones with. She pushed her hips up from the mattress far enough so she could take off her panties. Elliot quickly took off his underware as well and pulled her close to him. They lay together in silence for a minute, skin against skin. Then she kissed him again and sat up to straddle him.

'You're in control Liv,' Elliot assured her.

'I know. I want this. I really do ...'

In the end, their love was greater than their fear. Olivia kept her eyes on the man she loved the whole time. She watched him caress her body and marveled at his muscular form as he moved ever so gently with her. He checked with her if she was okay every time they changed positions. He made sure not to use his fingers like _he_ had done but surprised her by using his mouth and tongue in stead. Olivia's eyes never left his face and she laughed when he couldn't keep his eyes open anymore. He was wrapped up in her softness and her taste. He had never tasted a woman like this and he almost drove her over the edge because of his enthusiasm. It wasn't until she clamped her thighs against his head that he stopped to check if she was still okay. He was more than ready by now but she needed to be ready too.

'El, please,' she panted. She needed him inside her, she wanted all of him this first time. She shivered when he hovered over her and he asked if she wanted to be on top again. She just shook her head and pulled him against her, on top of her. He was in position already and Olivia moved her hips to invite him. He pushed in slowly but there was no need to go slow anymore. She was ready and pulled him in all the way.

He was in so deep, in more ways than one, and couldn't hold back anymore. She was moving confidently with him now, spurring him on, her eyes on his the whole time. He wanted to wait for her but his body wouldn't wait any longer as they went faster and faster. He closed his eyes as his release hit him and felt Olivia grip his ass tightly when she followed him immediately. Her cries sounded almost desperate over his low grunts but when he finally opened his eyes he could see she was alright. She had tears in her eyes but she was smiling and caressing his cheeks with both hands.

Olivia was relieved and grateful and she realized now how much it had meant to her to be able to make love to Elliot again. To feel how her body would still experience it as something wonderful and exciting after her humiliating ordeal. When Elliot turned them to one side again and slipped out of her, she tried to maintain as much skin contact as possible, wrapping her arms around him and tangling her legs with his. Elliot kissed her forehead and she looked into his eyes again. He had tears in his eyes as well and sighed when she moved to kiss his lips gently.

'I love you,' she whispered.

'And I love you Liv,' he replied. 'You are my life.'

She smiled and closed her eyes. She wasn't afraid to close her eyes anymore. She knew her trauma would still be there for some time, but being intimate with Elliot again was such a huge step forward, for both of them, and she knew they would get through it. Right now, she was happy. There was no flashback and no fear, just them, their heavy breathing and his low voice, vibrating against her chest when he asked her,

'Olivia Benson, will you marry me?'

She opened her eyes and did not have to think about her answer at all.

'Yes.'

...

 **EPILOGUE**

...

 **Ten months later, May 2014.**

'Sergeant Benson, you're here again?' asked judge Linden when she spotted Olivia in the doorway of the courtroom.

'Yes your honor,' Olivia replied.

'I believe congratulations are in order. I heard you have recently gotten married.'

Olivia smiled.

'Yes, thank you your honor. It's been about three months now.'

Olivia had told Elliot about the baby they had found back in January, only three weeks before their wedding on Valentine's Day. She had felt a strong connection to the child right away and had kept track of him over the past four months. Just before they found the baby, she had thought she was pregnant for a few days. Elliot had asked her if that might have something to do with it. She couldn't deny that she had really hoped she was pregnant after all. She had stopped using birth control and they had agreed to just see what would happen, or not. She didn't want fertility treatments or IVF at her age but when it turned out to be a false alarm, she had been more than just a little disappointed. And then they found this adorable baby boy.

The judge declared little Noah Porter an orphan officially when Elliot appeared behind Olivia in the doorway. He had arrived just in time on his lunch break from his new job as a homicide detective. They listened to the judge together.

'As the birth mother is deceased, and no father or other relative has come forward, I officially declare Noah Porter an orphan and ward of the state of New York.  
He shall continue to be cared for in an A.C.S. Facility, unless ...,'

Judge Linden looked at the couple in the doorway again.

'Sergeant Benson, you rescued the infant, isn't that right?'

'Yes, your honor.'

'And you're the only one who's taken a consistent interest on his behalf. Is there any chance you and your husband might like to become foster parents to this baby?'

Olivia looked at Elliot and back at the judge. Elliot put a hand on her back and Olivia knew he was with her on this.

'I have a feeling about this, sergeant Benson and detective Stabler,' the judge continued. 'Call it a judge's hunch. If you agree, I will order Noah Porter into your care as custodial parents for one year, at which time you will be given the option to permanently adopt him. Do you both agree?'

Olivia's face was glowing. She was finally going to have her baby. How could he refuse her? He could do it again, fatherhood was in his blood. And she would be a fantastic mother. They both agreed.

Their family was now complete. Eli came over every other weekend and on holidays, and he was thrilled to be a big brother. Olivia resigned from SVU and became a part time rape crisis counselor. Elliot was back on the force and felt like he had been given a second chance of doing things right. He could talk about his job with his wife because she knew what it was like. She accepted that there would be nights he wouldn't come home but homicide cases were less urgent and much less of an emotional strain than the SVU cases had been, with living victims of rape, abuse or kidnapping. They found their rhythm and their years as partners at SVU seemed like a lifetime ago.

They had started over and had finally found the life they had always longed for. Together. They were Benson and Stabler, forever.

...

 **And so this story comes to an end. For all of you who want to see a Bensler baby in every story - feel free to dream up your own chapter 41! They have their happily ever after and that's all I need :)**

 **If you haven't already, please check out my other stories and drop me a line to let me know what you think of them and of this ending! Reviews are always appreciated, to completed stories as well as ongoing ones.**

 **If you enjoy my writing, feel free to send me requests for one-shots - only for SVU of course and only E/O (ish). They don't all need to be M rated ;) and don't all have to end with E &O being together. If the request doesn't work for me, I will also feel free to decline.**

 **Until next time, OEB.**


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